Blogs


Notices

Struggling

Old 04-30-2015, 01:14 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Struggling

So I don't even know where to start. I've been attempting sobriety for a while now. Once in 2011, then starting again over a year ago with no success. Then I was sober for the whole month of March. Now I'm back at day two.

This most recent time I was sober, I was so excited, so ready, so determined. I thought I had kicked it for good.

Then, it all went downhill from there. It's so easy to get back into old habits.

So here I am, trying again. But the thing is, all those feelings I had before, have vanished. I want to lose weight, regain my spirituality, be a better mother, have a better life, so on and so forth. But I want to drink.

I KNOW that I cannot drink in moderation. I know that if I continue to drink, my quality of life will not improve. But still I want to drink.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm at a loss. Is it that since I quit Zoloft and its (finally!) out of my system that it has changed my thinking, my feelings? Is it that I don't care? Is it that I want the best of both worlds? I have some things to figure out.

Thanks for listening.
Jillian2563 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Jillian2563 For This Useful Post:
bblackbirdflyy (05-04-2015), Boylan (05-01-2015), CeeFarro (05-05-2015), Funtimefranky (05-04-2015), Kafkaesque (05-04-2015), Nofearnobeer (04-30-2015), saoutchik (05-04-2015), sean0621 (05-04-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 01:17 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Feed your head
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,035
Blog Entries: 4
Have you got a recovery plan
Soberwolf is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
Fly N Buy (04-30-2015), Kafkaesque (05-04-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 01:24 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 167
We all WANT to do a lot of things, but we cant always do what we want, nor should we. Your first list of WANTS sound much more rewarding - this is coming from a wine lover. I have struggled for the past year with sobriety and to get off the wine. You can do it - you just have to want sobriety more ...good luck!
BeBetterforkids is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to BeBetterforkids For This Useful Post:
Kafkaesque (05-04-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 01:28 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Sober wolf, I have many plans. I just don't always follow them.

Thanks Better, I hope that feeling of WANTING sobriety comes back to me. I just don't know what's wrong.
Jillian2563 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Jillian2563 For This Useful Post:
Kafkaesque (05-04-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 01:37 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 57,571
I DO know that you need to want to stop drinking. That's absolutely essential in order for recovery to work. As long as you want to drink, your AV will cause you problems.

I hope you can change your perspective and shift your thinking.
Anna is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-01-2015), Kafkaesque (05-04-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 01:42 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 576
Jillian..Hang in there!! It's a tough battle! Stand up , shake your head , say "What in the heck just happened!?" and regroup... You've got this!
Nofearnobeer is offline  
Old 04-30-2015, 01:53 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I DO know that you need to want to stop drinking. That's absolutely essential in order for recovery to work. As long as you want to drink, your AV will cause you problems. I hope you can change your perspective and shift your thinking.
Anna, I sure hope so as well. I just feel like "what's the point?". I was so eager before. I liked being sober. I mean I even had an "aha" moment of where I just wasn't a drinker anymore. I'm so confused how all these wonderful feelings just vanished....

Hey nofear! I've been thinking about you and wondering how you've been. I hope you are doing much better than me right now.

But it's day 2. Again. For me.

But I'm already thinking about next weekend and how it's going to be. We're camping and throwing a birthday party - can't believe I'm already thinking about drinking then and it's still 8 days away......

Sorry to be such a downer. I want the excitement back! Or at least, contentment.
Jillian2563 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Jillian2563 For This Useful Post:
bblackbirdflyy (05-04-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 02:01 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Trudgin
 
Fly N Buy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,346
Originally Posted by Jillian2563 View Post
Sober wolf, I have many plans. I just don't always follow them.

Thanks Better, I hope that feeling of WANTING sobriety comes back to me. I just don't know what's wrong.
Alcoholics are all very different as people of course, but there are some similarities when we are in active alcoholism.

Selfishness tops the list - we care very little about those "loved ones" around us. We drink continuously even though we know it's killing us, we may end up in jail or worse - if we are driving drunk, and it hugely detrimental to all those we come in contact with.

Why then?

Because we get deep into ourselves the more we drink. We start to believe there is no way out so we stop caring. We continue to pour poison in our bodies because some of us are constitutionally incapable of being honest with ourselves - period. For those unfortunates many die.

We all have a choice - find a way, get rid of the booze or continue (as I did for a long time) not giving a **** about anyone else, ever.

Maybe on their birthday when I'd smile and sing happy birthday to them. Then I get drunk and either sequester myself or start an argument.

Nice way to live..........
What was wrong with me is I did not have enough lousy consequences to change - until last June. I turned my life and my will over to a God of my understanding - that made all the difference.

Glad you're here - We don't ever have to drink!
Fly N Buy is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fly N Buy For This Useful Post:
CeeFarro (05-05-2015), Nofearnobeer (04-30-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 02:07 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 576
Ahh , camping sounds like fun! We used to go in tents all the time , until child 3 ...Last time I was at Red Top , we were in a Cabin in January, for New Years..For me , camping , lakes , fishing all go hand in hand with beer...Lots of Beer...That was until this Past January ..

I quit in November , almost 3 months in , I needed to get away...So we all went to the Cabin at Red Top for New Years....For the first time in 20+ years , I was in the woods without a beer...And I'll tell ya , Lake Allatoona never sounded so peaceful as it did that night at 2AM sitting around a fire..Cold as heck , but the atmosphere was relaxing...

BTW , yer not a downer , You are Concerned , you are genuine and you are sincere in sharing how you feel... And you may be surprised , but many of us , including myself feel the same way you do....
Nofearnobeer is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Nofearnobeer For This Useful Post:
bblackbirdflyy (05-04-2015), CeeFarro (05-05-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 02:49 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
Alcoholics are all very different as people of course, but there are some similarities when we are in active alcoholism. Selfishness tops the list - we care very little about those "loved ones" around us. We drink continuously even though we know it's killing us, we may end up in jail or worse - if we are driving drunk, and it hugely detrimental to all those we come in contact with. Why then? Because we get deep into ourselves the more we drink. We start to believe there is no way out so we stop caring. We continue to pour poison in our bodies because some of us are constitutionally incapable of being honest with ourselves - period. For those unfortunates many die. We all have a choice - find a way, get rid of the booze or continue (as I did for a long time) not giving a **** about anyone else, ever. Maybe on their birthday when I'd smile and sing happy birthday to them. Then I get drunk and either sequester myself or start an argument. Nice way to live.......... What was wrong with me is I did not have enough lousy consequences to change - until last June. I turned my life and my will over to a God of my understanding - that made all the difference. Glad you're here - We don't ever have to drink!
Thanks flyn. It's going to be a tough fight.
Jillian2563 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jillian2563 For This Useful Post:
CeeFarro (05-05-2015), Fly N Buy (04-30-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 02:51 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by Nofearnobeer View Post
Ahh , camping sounds like fun! We used to go in tents all the time , until child 3 ...Last time I was at Red Top , we were in a Cabin in January, for New Years..For me , camping , lakes , fishing all go hand in hand with beer...Lots of Beer...That was until this Past January .. I quit in November , almost 3 months in , I needed to get away...So we all went to the Cabin at Red Top for New Years....For the first time in 20+ years , I was in the woods without a beer...And I'll tell ya , Lake Allatoona never sounded so peaceful as it did that night at 2AM sitting around a fire..Cold as heck , but the atmosphere was relaxing... BTW , yer not a downer , You are Concerned , you are genuine and you are sincere in sharing how you feel... And you may be surprised , but many of us , including myself feel the same way you do....
Nofear, we are camping at red top. We've been there many times and I hope this time will be sober! Thanks for your kind words.

Thank you everyone for your support and help. It really means a lot to me.
Jillian2563 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Jillian2563 For This Useful Post:
Nofearnobeer (05-01-2015)
Old 04-30-2015, 03:09 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 57,571
Originally Posted by Jillian2563 View Post
Anna, I sure hope so as well. I just feel like "what's the point?". I was so eager before. I liked being sober. I mean I even had an "aha" moment of where I just wasn't a drinker anymore. I'm so confused how all these wonderful feelings just vanished...
When you went off the Zoloft, was that your idea or your doctors idea? I'm just wondering because before I used antidepressants, I felt like 'what's the point?' I didn't care enough because I was too depressed, to be able to recover.
Anna is online now  
Old 04-30-2015, 03:11 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,167
nothin' changes if nothin' changes...

whatcha gonna change?



FreeOwl is offline  
Old 04-30-2015, 03:20 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
I've been where you are. I was stuck a long time. All my plans to be a better person didn't work. I still drank. When I started to separate myself from the act and started to ask, " why am I doing this right now?" I started making progress. I became just bored with the same old drunk feeling. It served me no purpose. Check out the secular forum and the AVRT thread. I'm a believer and that forum is full of really practice advise. Good luck!
cardoon is offline  
Old 04-30-2015, 04:12 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
When you went off the Zoloft, was that your idea or your doctors idea? I'm just wondering because before I used antidepressants, I felt like 'what's the point?' I didn't care enough because I was too depressed, to be able to recover.
It was my idea with Drs supervision. I didn't like that the one side effect I had, was no sex drive. Been off it got about almost two months now. And I know it's tmi, but my you know what is back, lol.
Jillian2563 is offline  
Old 04-30-2015, 04:13 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
nothin' changes if nothin' changes... whatcha gonna change?
That's what I have to figure out. 😕
Jillian2563 is offline  
Old 04-30-2015, 05:20 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 82
Jillian

I am in the same boat... Thinking of getting appnt with doctor for Zoloft. Have been trying so long to stop drinking.
Goodstart is offline  
Old 04-30-2015, 05:31 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 399
Originally Posted by Cursed00 View Post
Jillian

I am in the same boat... Thinking of getting appnt with doctor for Zoloft. Have been trying so long to stop drinking.
If you're going to go that route, you might ask your doctor about Naltrexone and Campral to help stop cravings for alcohol. Personally, I would view Zoloft, Naltrexone and Campral only as supplemental pieces to a plan for sobriety.

From reading many threads on the board of people suffering depression, abstinence from alcohol was the biggest thing that helped though it takes a little time.

For me, abstinence and a self imposed boot camp worked. I realize that for many this is not a good way. There are many ways to get sober. If you're serious about it and have tried a plan, try something else.
buk1000 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to buk1000 For This Useful Post:
Goodstart (04-30-2015)
Old 05-01-2015, 06:52 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Jillian2563's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by buk1000 View Post
For me, abstinence and a self imposed boot camp worked. I realize that for many this is not a good way. There are many ways to get sober. If you're serious about it and have tried a plan, try something else.
What's a self imposed boot camp? You just joined one nearby?
Jillian2563 is offline  
Old 05-01-2015, 08:06 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 399
Originally Posted by Jillian2563 View Post
What's a self imposed boot camp? You just joined one nearby?
The morning after my 3rd DUI (and 2nd in 30 days), I decided to quit drinking at all costs. I had made several attempts, but always caved whether it was after a week or several months. And I realized I was using half measures.

I had moved into the country 10 days before I quit drinking, never intending to get another DUI. I lost my license for 14 months and sold my car. That meant walking 2 miles to and from work every day, rain, snow or shine. After 4 months, time seemed to be standing still. So I took a 2nd job and worked 70 hour weeks. That's what I mean by self imposed boot camp. I didn't give myself a chance to even really think about anything. I couldn't. There was only one AA meeting a week where I am and I didn't use it. My outpatient counselor told me I would fail. I think he was right to say that, it seemed like a Hail Mary.

But I lucked out and met a couple people who were recovered alcoholics and I saw them nearly every day, even if only for a few minutes. Somehow it worked to get me a prolonged period of abstinence. I'm not sure I'd say I was in recovery until after that ended.

And when people ask me now, I don't recommend this method. But it just goes to show there are a lot of ways to get it done.
buk1000 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to buk1000 For This Useful Post:
bblackbirdflyy (05-04-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:03 PM.