Originally Posted by
Jillian2563 
Sober wolf, I have many plans. I just don't always follow them.
Thanks Better, I hope that feeling of WANTING sobriety comes back to me. I just don't know what's wrong.
Alcoholics are all very different as people of course, but there are some similarities when we are in active alcoholism.
Selfishness tops the list - we care very little about those "loved ones" around us. We drink continuously even though we know it's killing us, we may end up in jail or worse - if we are driving drunk, and it hugely detrimental to all those we come in contact with.
Why then?
Because we get deep into ourselves the more we drink. We start to believe there is no way out so we stop caring. We continue to pour poison in our bodies because some of us are constitutionally incapable of being honest with ourselves - period. For those unfortunates many die.
We all have a choice - find a way, get rid of the booze or continue (as I did for a long time) not giving a **** about anyone else, ever.
Maybe on their birthday when I'd smile and sing happy birthday to them. Then I get drunk and either sequester myself or start an argument.
Nice way to live..........
What was wrong with me is I did not have enough lousy consequences to change - until last June. I turned my life and my will over to a God of my understanding - that made all the difference.
Glad you're here - We don't ever have to drink!