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Old 05-01-2015, 09:10 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Jillian2563 View Post
So I don't even know where to start. I've been attempting sobriety for a while now. Once in 2011, then starting again over a year ago with no success. Then I was sober for the whole month of March. Now I'm back at day two.

. But I want to drink.

I KNOW that I cannot drink in moderation. I know that if I continue to drink, my quality of life will not improve. But still I want to drink.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm at a loss. Is it that since I quit Zoloft and its (finally!) out of my system that it has changed my thinking, my feelings? Is it that I don't care? Is it that I want the best of both worlds? I have some things to figure out.

Thanks for listening.
You mention you were on Zoloft, I assume it was prescribed.

Im fairly new to "recovery" and I realized in detox im the same guy drunk as i am sober, minus maybe a few of the crazy antics and stupid decisions. After getting help to nix the physical addiction i have found it pretty easy not to drink.

Perhaps your strong cravings are related to an anxiety issue? Ive noticed at the AA meetings i went to a great many recovering alcoholics turned to the bottle to sooth anxiety, either general anxiety or social anxiety. You dont mention why you were on zoloft but ill wager a guess it was for anxiety or depression, or both.

Id strongly recommend you consult with a qualified psychotherapist and a psychologist, and perhaps a counsellor as well to work on a solution to the underlying feeling of unease that you feel would be solved by drinking. If you stopped zoloft without the advice of your doctor you should continue with your prescribed regime immediately, sometimes "cold turkey" on neurotransmitter-oriented drugs can cause serious side effects ranging from brain shocks to severe depression to suicidal ideation.

I do not know you but do not feel you need to become a better person to quit drinking, anyone who tells you so has a unicorn to sell you. If you have done stupid things when drunk, eliminating the alcohol first will allow you to become a better person later. Ditto if anyone in the recovery movement told you to halt your prescribed medication - report their name and support group to your doctor as they may be charged for providing medical advice without a license to do so - and they deserve it because they could be indirectly and accidentally committing manslaughter.

Seek the advice of medical professionals with registered and certified ******** for your psychiatric needs. The support groups, if they are for you, can help you later when you are sounder of mind and more mentally ready for their message and program.

Last edited by paintballguy; 05-01-2015 at 09:16 AM. Reason: I cant beleive that the word "l.i.c.e.n.c.e.s" is.censored. Wtf? (periods added to bypass filter)
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Old 05-01-2015, 09:19 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by paintballguy View Post
You mention you were on Zoloft, I assume it was prescribed. Im fairly new to "recovery" and I realized in detox im the same guy drunk as i am sober, minus maybe a few of the crazy antics and stupid decisions. After getting help to nix the physical addiction i have found it pretty easy not to drink. Perhaps your strong cravings are related to an anxiety issue? Ive noticed at the AA meetings i went to a great many recovering alcoholics turned to the bottle to sooth anxiety, either general anxiety or social anxiety. You dont mention why you were on zoloft but ill wager a guess it was for anxiety or depression, or both. Id strongly recommend you consult with a qualified psychotherapist and a psychologist, and perhaps a counsellor as well to work on a solution to the underlying feeling of unease that you feel would be solved by drinking. If you stopped zoloft without the advice of your doctor you should continue with your prescribed regime immediately, sometimes "cold turkey" on neurotransmitter-oriented drugs can cause serious side effects ranging from brain shocks to severe depression to suicidal ideation. I do not know you but do not feel you need to become a better person to quit drinking, anyone who tells you so has a unicorn to sell you. If you have done stupid things when drunk, eliminating the alcohol first will allow you to become a better person later. Ditto if anyone in the recovery movement told you to halt your prescribed medication - report their name and support group to your doctor as they may be charged for providing medical advice without a license to do so - and they deserve it because they could be indirectly and accidentally committing manslaughter. Seek the advice of medical professionals with registered and certified ******** for your psychiatric needs. The support groups, if they are for you, can help you later when you are sounder of mind and more mentally ready for their message and program.
I quit under supervision of my dr. I prefer holistic methods and didn't like the side effects. It was for anxiety but the anxiety lessened when I slowed down the drinking or quit.
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Old 05-01-2015, 06:02 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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is there an element of self medication to your drinking, do you think Jillian?

If so, I'd contend you're already medicating with something that's not remotely holistic, or terribly effective.

if not, then cool

I'd give some thought to your lifestyle too - there'll always be a party or a get together....

Maybe ask yourself if you really need to go, for your recovery's sake?

D
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Old 05-02-2015, 09:43 AM
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Took me a while to know I wanted to be Sober and actually achieve it, I'd know what was going to bring me less misery but just couldn't make it happen.

At the start I had to force myself into Sobriety, cling on to I know this is a better choice even though I still wanted to drink, and as time went on I became more and more comfortable in my new lifestyle.

Time was a great healer for me!!
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:47 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
is there an element of self medication to your drinking, do you think Jillian? If so, I'd contend you're already medicating with something that's not remotely holistic, or terribly effective. if not, then cool I'd give some thought to your lifestyle too - there'll always be a party or a get together.... Maybe ask yourself if you really need to go, for your recovery's sake? D
Well Dee, I guess you got me there. I do practice holistic methods when the occasion arises, but yes, beer, especially the cheap crap, is not holistic. Actually the crap I drink is probably made with GMO and all kinds of other crap. Just another reason I need to say, no thank you.

As far as the party, my son will be 11. We're having a tie dye t-shirt party at our mountain campsite on the lake. It will be fun and I pray just pray that I'll be sober. My son has suffered too long.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:59 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight View Post
At the start I had to force myself into Sobriety, cling on to I know this is a better choice even though I still wanted to drink, and as time went on I became more and more comfortable in my new lifestyle. Time was a great healer for me!!
Thanks PK. That is probably what I'm going to have to do, force myself. I want to drink but I want to be sober. I can't have both! And I know the latter is better for me!
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Old 05-04-2015, 02:39 PM
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Prayer is great but I really believe you can ensure you stay sober...make plans, think of likely scenarios and how you might approach them in a healthy way?

it may not be the greatest party for you, but it's not your party - it's his - give him the present of a sober mom

D
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Old 05-04-2015, 03:58 PM
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If nothing else to get you back into a sober lifestyle do it for your son, he is young and impressionable and will have less baggage later in life if you give him the gift of sober mom.
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Old 05-04-2015, 04:45 PM
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I was reading your post and felt like I could have written that myself. It was comforting to know that someone else out there is feeling the same way. I have quit drinking and loved it but for whatever reason has always gone back to drinking for long periods.

I too am thinking about a graduation party that I am kind of afraid to go to because I know people will be drinking there and I cannot. I am going to have my boyfriend there because of that and will tell him to make sure that I do no drink. Maybe you could enlist the help of a friend to do the same for your son's birthday party.

Maybe we can keep in touch and help each other when we feel the urge since we are kind of in the same boat. Not sure your family situation, but I am a single mother with 3 boys (15, 14, and 11). It's up to you. I just started this journey myself and looking for motivation and realizing just how much I have been rationalizing with myself about "just one drink" or "just one night" even though I know it's not true.

I wish you luck and strength!
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
it may not be the greatest party for you, but it's not your party - it's his - give him the present of a sober mom D
All I want is for him to have a wonderful birthday. And your right, that's the best gift I could give him at this moment. Almost sad really. But I'm trying to forget all the hurt and pain (looking back on stuff really gets me down) and not only be sober, but be happy. I don't know what's happened to me in the past two weeks, but today has been one of the worst emotionally sad days I've had in a while. I haven't had any alcohol today so that's good. The sad part is the reason I haven't had any is because I don't have any money. Because if I did have money, I'm sure I would've drank.
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:30 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Being broke is never fun, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason! Maybe that's what had to happen to help get you through this rough patch
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted by sva777 View Post
If nothing else to get you back into a sober lifestyle do it for your son, he is young and impressionable and will have less baggage later in life if you give him the gift of sober mom.
This is what I need to remember 24 hours a day, everyday. He really needs me to be sober. I know this.

As I'm responding to you and Dee, I'm starting to wonder why I'm am so sad. Why all of a sudden I feel hopeless.

Is it normal to have these overwhelming feelings of sadness? I mean, there's other stuff going on in my life too; maybe I'm not handling that stuff right either.

I have a lot to work on. I know I need to be sober to do it!
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:33 PM
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I hope you'll find better ways to deal with your sadness Jillian.

do you think it'd depression? could a Dr help?

D
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by JG13 View Post
I was reading your post and felt like I could have written that myself. It was comforting to know that someone else out there is feeling the same way. I have quit drinking and loved it but for whatever reason has always gone back to drinking for long periods. I too am thinking about a graduation party that I am kind of afraid to go to because I know people will be drinking there and I cannot. I am going to have my boyfriend there because of that and will tell him to make sure that I do no drink. Maybe you could enlist the help of a friend to do the same for your son's birthday party. Maybe we can keep in touch and help each other when we feel the urge since we are kind of in the same boat. Not sure your family situation, but I am a single mother with 3 boys (15, 14, and 11). It's up to you. I just started this journey myself and looking for motivation and realizing just how much I have been rationalizing with myself about "just one drink" or "just one night" even though I know it's not true. I wish you luck and strength!
Hi JG. It's nice to meet you.

I'm glad to came to that realization. I bet it's tough with 3 teenage boys! My step son just turned 16. My boys are the greatest and I know they deserve better from me.

Can you skip the graduation party? I've found that even if I tell my husband to make sure I don't drink, it doesn't work if I actually want to because I'll get my way.
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I hope you'll find better ways to deal with your sadness Jillian. do you think it'd depression? could a Dr help? D
Hmm - what is depression really? I don't know. It could be. But Id really prefer not to be on any type of prescription. And if I go to my dr and diagnosed, that's all they'll really do, give me drugs. So IMO, that's not really helping. Maybe I'll start doing some research. I have been contemplating counseling though.
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:46 PM
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There's got to be better ways than self medicating with alcohol....
Counselling could be useful, yeah

D
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Old 05-05-2015, 04:43 AM
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Woke up sober! Going to auction today so I'll get some sun! Happy Tuesday!
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Old 05-05-2015, 02:09 PM
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Keep us posted on how your doing, I know life can be hard at times but all alcohol does is make is harder.
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