Looking for some insight here.....

Old 05-05-2015, 10:42 AM
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Looking for some insight here.....

Day 14 for me today, and my emotions, thoughts, and feelings are pouring out of me today. I am journaling everything that pops up in my mind today about my addiction. Everything from my motherís own addiction, my family, my boredom, my life, being an adult child of an alcoholic you name it. Itís good to get everything out, and on paper so that I can start dealing with everything with a clear head.

One thing has been bothering me since last night and I have to get some insight from everyone who can relate. Yesterday, my husband came home in a bitch of a mood. It happens a lot actually, he just barges in and barks orders at everyone, demanding this that and everything. Most times, he is disrupting a perfectly calm and serine evening that I am having with the kids. Last night, I was putzing around the kitchen, prepping dinner and the kids were in and out, doing whatever kids do, and we were just having a normal evening, until the grouch barged in. His bad mood permeates the house and the kids start bickering at one another due to the stress. I can see how it effects the kids, but I SAW how it effects ME for the first time without brain fog.

I fought back, which obviously didnít help the situation.
My immediate thought was to grab a drink. Instead, I poured myself a non-alcoholic beer and clamato and sat outside and bbqíd our dinner, leaving him to sulk or whatever he does in front of the tv.

Itís not just about hiding behind the bottle, but when I did drink after a situation like this with the grouch, it was more of the self-defeating mentality of, ďYa, Iíll show you!Ē What is this all about?! It is something I need to work on, but I donít even know where to start.
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Old 05-05-2015, 10:55 AM
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I also suffered from the "Oh yeah, I'll show you..." mentality. Tell me not to drink huh, well just for that...

It is difficult in early sobriety coming of age so to speak. It's good that you are journaling and getting things out of your head. As for the grouch... well the main thing is to focus on yourself and get some solid sober time. And maybe you want to consider discussing things with the grouch when you feel strong enough to do so. Perhaps recommend getting counseling. Nobody should have to live with someone who acts that way. I feel for you.
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Old 05-05-2015, 11:18 AM
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Completely under stand. In fact in some of my failed attempts to be sober I used it as a reason to drink.
"Well if he is going to act and treat me like this, why the hell am I staying sober." I've come to realize that even though it doesn't seem fair in the least. You take out your pains on the ones you love the most. I agree with LBrain about waiting to talk to him until you feel strong enough in your sobriety. I'm not sure about you but one of my biggest pet peeves is when my husband constantly brings up my past drinking while I'm trying to currently stay sober. " I get it, I was a drunk. Can we not move past this?"
I hope things get better with your husband. Continue to stay strong!
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Old 05-05-2015, 11:24 AM
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Think of what you accomplished by not drinking last night: You responded to his behavior with a clear head and a relatively calm demeanor (something that always escaped me when I was drinking). You showed your kids that at least one parent is stable and deserving of respect. You cooked what sounds like an awesome supper. And you woke up this morning not having to worry about you and your own behavior was part of the problem last night.

So, you DID show him. In a good way.
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Old 05-05-2015, 12:19 PM
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For me dealing with life and stressful situations took a bit of time to get used to, the quick fix of alcohol was always what I used, but now in Sobriety we need to learn to feel things again, and manage those emotions without alcohol!!

Great job on pushing through!!
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Old 05-05-2015, 12:35 PM
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I think that this is the time when the hard work really starts. I had lots of resentments when I began recovery too . Now, you can begin to learn how to deal with the emotions in a healthy way.
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Old 05-05-2015, 01:05 PM
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A very wise woman I met in AA years ago told me that I "drink at people"... it took me a while to figure out what she meant... it was a cross between, "if you think I'm a drunk, I'll show you what a drunk really is, pal!" and, "why the Hell bother to be sober if I still have to put up with your crap? The only way to put up with your crap is to get trashed so I can block you out!"
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Old 05-05-2015, 01:58 PM
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Yea, I show you ya grump......I'll hurt me! Mad at you so I'll hit me with the bat.......know that routine.

Maybe after a bit a discussion out of the house - perhaps a lunch date or something would underline the importance of clearing things up.

Sober time helps a lot of things, but not all communication is indeed necessary and sometimes one cross up in signals and both parties just shut down and run for cover.

Glad your here!
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Old 05-05-2015, 02:15 PM
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I understand this. My husband is on the road for work a lot. He's also in relapse with his addictions. Every time he walks in the door we're not quite sure what Daddy it's going to be today. When I was drinking I never clearly saw the effects of this. Now that I've been sober, it's clear.

In early sobriety these were the days I'd think "I'll show you! I'm getting drunk." Rather than tackle the anger and frustration I'd want to hurt that inner core. It doesn't always make sense. I'd suggest when Brain suggested. Get some sober time and then talk to your husband.

Hang in there. It will hurt sometimes but drinking won't solve the problem.
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Old 05-05-2015, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I think that this is the time when the hard work really starts. I had lots of resentments when I began recovery too . Now, you can begin to learn how to deal with the emotions in a healthy way.
Yes~the hard work is beginning.

Thank-you everyone! I loved every response to this.
I am going to deal with this with a sober, clear mind. How easily I could have slipped into the old way, I am so filled gratitude that I didn't. That is a positive step in the right direction. Also noted was that I recognized the behaviour, and how I dealt with with it in the past is so disfunctional!

I guess grouch (haha, love his new name!) and I have some things to talk about, but in due time.
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