Jillian2563

So I don't even know where to start. I've been attempting sobriety for a while now. Once in 2011, then starting again over a year ago with no success. Then I was sober for the whole month of March. Now I'm back at day two.

This most recent time I was sober, I was so excited, so ready, so determined. I thought I had kicked it for good.

Then, it all went downhill from there. It's so easy to get back into old habits.

So here I am, trying again. But the thing is, all those feelings I had before, have vanished. I want to lose weight, regain my spirituality, be a better mother, have a better life, so on and so forth. But I want to drink.

I KNOW that I cannot drink in moderation. I know that if I continue to drink, my quality of life will not improve. But still I want to drink.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm at a loss. Is it that since I quit Zoloft and its (finally!) out of my system that it has changed my thinking, my feelings? Is it that I don't care? Is it that I want the best of both worlds? I have some things to figure out.

Thanks for listening.