I simply cannot picture my life without Alcohol

Old 04-14-2015, 02:58 AM
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I simply cannot picture my life without Alcohol

I fight and I fight and I fight but no matter what happens throughout my day, I know deep down inside I can't live without Alcohol. To be honest, when I drink now, its not even fun. I dont enjoy its company. I dont enjoy my time with it. I don't get that euphoria I used to.

Funny thing though...I once broke up with a woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We broke up because it wasnt fun anymore, We didnt enjoy our time together, I didn't have that euphoria anymore. We weren't a good fit and it would have ended in tragedy at some point. We loved what happened in the bedroom; however, we were both only having sex for the release of endorphins and good feelings.

When we broke up, I CONSTANTLY thought about how I couldn't last another day without her, even though logically I knew it was 100% the wrong decision if I got back together with her. She lived 5 minutes away and it killed me knowing she was right there and I could have her in a heartbeat. I stayed away from her and fought through the pain and stress. I won this battle.

Mentally, there is no difference between Alcohol Abuse and a Failing relationship.

I somehow was able to move on from that woman...I still have days where I think I can't live without her...Its been years since I've seen her but I know I did the right thing. The helpless thoughts about this particular ex faded with time.

I just wish I could stay away from alcohol the same way I stayed away from a bad ex...because in my eyes, they felt equally as hard to abstain from on day 1...only difference is, I'm 5 years sober from this ex and 1 day sober from alcohol...

Thanks for reading
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Old 04-14-2015, 03:15 AM
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You'd probably be surprised at how many of us thought the same way, Scared
I drank all day every day for about 5 years. I honestly thought I would never be able to live without alcohol...

but I also didn't want to die. That's the thing - if we can;t bring ourselves to stop our body will sometimes make the decision for us..if we're lucky.

I stopped drinking. It wasn't a lot of fun...but I didn't die...and in time I grew to love not drinking

The fear I had about being sober was FAR

None of the hundreds of sober folk here would stay sober if they felt they lost out on the deal...

You can decide to stop today or be forced to when your body gives up and you've lost all the things you love and cherish...but if you drink like me, you'll have to give it up sometime Scared.

I really hope you decide to take that leap of faith

It might be scary, but you're not alone

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Old 04-14-2015, 03:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post
I fight and I fight and I fight but no matter what happens throughout my day, I know deep down inside I can't live without Alcohol.
Actually, deep down inside you know that's a load of tripe. Fear of sobriety is a hallmark of addiction. I know, I was immersed in it.

Billions of people live without alcohol. It is 100% possible.

Your relationship with alcohol is master and slave. It doesn't have to be that way. You choose for that disadvantageous relationship to continue every time you drink. Change is possible, but it won't happen by believing you're the victim with no say in what happens in your life.

What are you going to do to make this your last day one?
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Old 04-14-2015, 03:23 AM
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Welcome Scared,

Day one is always the hardest. Hang in there. There are some great reads on this forum with plenty of advice. Those with more experience will be popping in a bit later.
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Old 04-14-2015, 03:25 AM
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Scared, I have heard of other people who do treat quitting as breaking off a long-term relationship. They will even write a letter to alcohol in the form of a break-up letter. (Dear alcohol, It's been quite a ride, but I think it's time we went are separate ways...) They will say they are breaking up and going on without alcohol and then list all the reasons the relationship wasn't working. It might be something to try, at least.
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Old 04-14-2015, 03:27 AM
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That's not a bad analogy Scared, except I suspect your ex wasn't a homicidal maniac.

Alcohol will take every bit of you, including your life, if you let it. Many of us have to go a long ways down this path before we are willing to do ANYTHING to stop. At that point, recovery is possible if we maintain that level of willingness. That's why it's called the gift of desperation.
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Old 04-14-2015, 04:15 AM
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I found it hard to imagine a life without alcohol for many years too.

Now I find it hard to imagine a life with alcohol.

What a difference sobriety makes.
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Old 04-14-2015, 04:56 AM
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I agree with the others i never thought i could sober but i did

You can do this you could start logging in regularly & interacting more it really will help
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Old 04-14-2015, 05:16 AM
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There is a lot of wisdom above if we accept it.
The majority of people will get sober IF we want sobriety and will do the work involved. If that is not attainable hopefully some day it will be if enough losses happen to build up including a rapid downward spiral of our health and values.

I suggest reading a lot of posts for accumulation of information regarding continued drinking. Getting away from drinking sooner can result in an easier sobriety.

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Old 04-14-2015, 05:54 AM
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Alcoholism is classified as a disease because it's far more than an addiction. The disease distorts our thinking so we don't think rationally or logically about alcohol. Happy sad or indifferent - your diseased brain will encourage you to drink.
You're no different to anyone else who suffers from this disease. Your fears, thoughts, beliefs, failings, struggles are something everyone will relate to on this site. Just remember alcohol is not only killing you - it's robbing you or your days prior to your early death. That's why you must fight and win. Good luck
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:18 AM
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I had that fear and also disbelief that I could be drink free.
It seemed like too much of a massive, mammoth task even though at times I really wanted it.

Here I am over 3 years drink free.
It takes a bit of work in the beginning.

I think if you are physically dependent on drink, then it is more work as it has got to the stage where you have to drink to relieve withdrawal symptoms.

However, I was not dependent physically, but had got into a horrible habitual routine of drinking every single night.

The first month it took work and effort.
I had to distract myself with doing other things.
However, sober mornings are unbeatable and soon I realised that the benefits of not drinking were far greater than anything alcohol had to offer.

Try not to think of it as 'forever'.
If you stop and you hate it, you can always start again.
But I think you will soon realise drinking is as boring as a dead end relationship.

Get busy - get cooking, watching films at the cinema, exercising and getting your endorphins going. I often found if I drove somewhere and did something in the evening, there was no way I could drink as I had to drive back. Maybe look into studying something.

Make avoiding drinking your job.
After a few months, it became my 'normal' to drink.

I wish you the best
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:25 AM
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That thought was what I started and ended the last 5 days with..Same goes back 5 months..

And when I go to bed , I always manage to think "Ahh , another day done sober , at least for now" ...
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:29 AM
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When I stopped drinking I couldn't imagine my life without drinking. It took me a while to fully realize the benefits of living sober. Give yourself more sober time. It is worth it!
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:43 AM
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You are hearing the same basic message over and over. I, too, could not imagine getting through an evening without alcohol. It seemed impossible. I did not realize the extent to which my thinking was distorted.

You can do this!
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Old 04-14-2015, 06:46 AM
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I think your thoughts are almost universal. Life without alcohol seemed impossible for me because alcohol defined who I was. It has worked it's way into every facet of my life and the thought of quiting seemed overwhelming.

One trait of alcoholics is we like to over complicate things. I would like to be sober forever but in reality I only have to stay sober today.

You may wish to look at a sobriety plan which is available on this site. I did various things but the biggest was going to an AA meeting everyday and not drinking between meetings.

There are a lot of people who were, where you are, and today are leading a happy sober life
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Old 04-14-2015, 07:01 AM
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I used to be scared and anxious when I thought I might have to go without drinking. How would I cope? Now, most of the time, I'm scared and anxious when I picture in my mind having a drink. Drinking turns me into someone I don't want to be and I know logically and emotionally it's the last thing I want now. Never thought I'd get to this point. Still a newbie though -- six weeks sober and the longest without a drink in over twenty years.
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Old 04-14-2015, 07:39 AM
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You don't have to

that's the beauty

just think about staying sober today. its really as easy as that.
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Old 04-14-2015, 09:08 AM
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now that i actually enjoy sobriety, i can look back with full confidence that i didnt know what i wanted when drinking.
what i wanted was peace, confidence, joy, and at times some thrills. all present in abundance without the bottle.

arriving at this place where i truly BELIEVE im not missing anything is the best gift ever. i hope you get through the uncomfortable stage and find it too.

its alot easier to abstain from something you DONT EVEN WANT!
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Old 04-14-2015, 09:36 AM
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This thread has a shedload of wisdom i just wanted to share that
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Old 04-14-2015, 09:37 AM
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After lots of failed attempts, when it FINALLY came to the point where I wanted to be sober MORE than I wanted to drink... That is when it clicked for me.

When I imagine life WITH alcohol in it now, it's NOT pretty. In fact, it's downright horrifying. There's no way I would choose that now over the healthy and peaceful life I am currently enjoying.
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