Alcoholism is classified as a disease because it's far more than an addiction. The disease distorts our thinking so we don't think rationally or logically about alcohol. Happy sad or indifferent - your diseased brain will encourage you to drink.
You're no different to anyone else who suffers from this disease. Your fears, thoughts, beliefs, failings, struggles are something everyone will relate to on this site. Just remember alcohol is not only killing you - it's robbing you or your days prior to your early death. That's why you must fight and win. Good luck