Dee74

Whats up Complexiti?

D

Complexiti

If I say what the problem is that is making me so desperate for a drink, it will be traceable. So I cannot say.

It is no good. I cannot say what is making me feel like this and making me desperate for a drink to just blot it all out.

I am trying so hard to fight it but am finding it so difficult. But I want it to stop. Whatever other problems I want this alcohol craving to stop.

Complexiti

I do not want to give in and start drinking again because I know that once I start I will not be able to stop.

And I must stop I must not give in. It is just so difficult at the moment.

Aellyce

Complexiti - it's hard for us to provide any constructive help if you cannot say anything about your problems... Do you think that you may have a lot of anxiety? Would therapy be an option for you? The way you are isolating yourself even on this anonymous board will not make it easier for you to stay quit... I know from experience because I suffered the same for years and years in a self-imposed exile, refusing to seek help or use the little I'd had constructively. I was never able to go beyond 2-3 days without alcohol for years before I decided that the secrecy needed to go and my life had to change drastically. I still often struggle with opening up, so I know how hard it can be... but it's doable. From what you've written here, it sounds like you also live in a quite isolated and limited environment. Would a relocation be a possibility for you, if only temporarily?

jkb

I hope you are doing ok. I practice RR and not AA. With your views on AA etc and being "isolated" you may want to check it out. I hope your doing well.

Jess

Complexiti

I failed. - only lasted two weeks but I am going to try to do better as I really did not enjoy drinking.

Stoogy

Hi Complexiti, glad you found us. I think it's fair to say we all sympathise with we're you are at right now, but stick with it and drink loads of water 2 litres a day is a good gauge, I mixed that with some Gatorade for the needed energy boost and the all important rest, rest rest and through in the occasional nap. It will help greatly in my experience. Keep us posted we are here to help each other remember.

Complexiti

Thanks for not telling me I was stupid because I know I was stupid. I told myself that in the store when I pickup up the bottle. So put it back on the shelf and moved away but that insidious craving turned me round and I picked it up again. And of course as soon as I got home I just had to open it. No I did not but you know what it's like. And each time I picked up that glass I kept saying stupid stupid stupid.

I do drink loads of water all the time and have some sachets of powder like Gatorade that I should have mixed in but forgot until you mentioned it. Probably good for me to use them for another few days.

I am going to try to keep beating this craving because I know that if I do not stop drinking it will kill me.

rhodie

You did it!! You put the glass down. You are stronger than you realize, you know the consequences and the good side of you won. congratulations!!!! Yes water, water and more water helps to get over a lot of negatives. I am only 3 weeks into sobriety and so far I am feeling better, sleeping better and just enjoy feeling the sunshine on my face and knowing how wonderfully clear minded I am. This is what you have to look forward to. It is a gift that you can reach out and touch with absolute serenity. Go for that goal of feeling good about yourself again.

Stoogy

Hey rhodie,

Well done on 3 weeks strong, hopefully over the worst of the initial effects sobriety brings to us, there is one thing you have I will never though ☀️ On my face, the benefits of Florida over Scotland 💦.

But seriously well done, proud of your progress.
Stuart.

Complexiti

Sure, I put the glass down - when it was empty.

You are doing better than I because you are three weeks and I only made two but I am really going to try harder this time because it just plain stupid to slowly kill by drinking.

I don't think I realised at times how much I had been drinking - bottles go in the trash but the big plastic bottles of cola or sprite or squash - or my morning orange juice for "those" mornings when my body had won over my senses. They were up in trash bags to be taken to the plastic recyling collection place and the bags just piled up. Because of course I had to drown the vodka in something although it was not much drowning.

And vodka bottles had to be wrapped and hidden in the trash because of not daring to take them to the glass collection bins.

Trash bags of plastic bottles now gone.

Shopped for more salad things and the guy said "No vodka today? No cola or squash?" So I told him I did not want any today. Because I did not and do not want any today.

rhodie

Stoogy: thank you for your thoughts. For now we have florida sunshine, however, moving to brrr... Canada in 2 weeks. No choice but then I have lived in so many places and have adapted. The 3 weeks of being sober is a wonderful choice - now its a matter of getting on with living. So many things that I want to do but did not do when I was drinking. Now there is no excuse. The first thing I want to do is go and volunteer at the hospital.

rhodie

You see you have made the decision to say no. In no time at all the days will fly. Keep busy or go for walks. I find if I walk with my talk show radio stations it passes the time very quickly. Some of these talk radio shows or absurd and every now and then a drunk will call in and you think to yourself - whew glad thats not me, and some calls and topics are thought provoking

Complexiti

rhodie, I can't walk.

rhodie

Well if you can't walk there are so many other things that can keep the mind occupied. The key is distraction so your thought processes don't keep fantasizing about the drink. The mind is an amazing organ controlling every emotion and desire. Turn it around from habitual drinking to something more productive. This is hard as it has long got its own way and now you have to turn it around and "reset" your brain to a more positive course. Tough but doable.

Complexiti

It would be more "doable" if I could get out further than just to a local store.

rhodie

The computer is an amazing escape from negative thought processes. You are still hanging in there and the main thing is you aware of the negativity of drinking. You ought to be proud of the fact that you keep trying by getting up and dusting your self off to begin another day. That is an achievement in itself. Congrats on that.

Hawkeye13

You have to decide not to drink Complexiti, period.

Reading through this thread, you seem to have many reasons you pick up alcohol.

If you aren't ready to stop, you aren't.

If you are, you will do whatever it takes to do so.

rhodie makes some excellent suggestions about changing the negative mindset of drinking. If these aren't right for you, come up with some that are.

Each person is unique, but recovery, and developing a program for recovery, is what each of us who has been successful stopping our addiction has done.

You can do it too, but it must start with a positive attitude, actions, and a firm decision to stay sober NO MATTER WHAT when faced with temptation.

You can do this if you are ready to, and not one minute before, no matter what any of us say or suggest to you.

Complexiti

Today has been another day where I made the decision not to drink. I went to the local store and glared at the bottles as I went past. Bought more salad stuff and then made up a number of containers of different chopped/diced salad vegetables so had a lovely meal of fish with a bit of each type of salad and really enjoyed it.

When drinking food is just because I must eat but I don't eat much because of the alcohol. And I cannot taste food it all tastes the same. Today I could taste every different vegetable even though they were all diced small. So I feel quite pleased with myself today especially as I have enough of the salads for tomorrow as well.

rhodie

You have done remarkably well. It took me a while before I got into healthy eating, and now I enjoy cooking and eating. Congrats on glaring at the bottle. One day at time, and then take the time to congratulate yourself on making it for that one day - you deserve it!