Complexiti

Just let me talk on here. You don't have to read it but believe me it's helping to be able to let it all out without being mocked, as happened on one supposed alcohol help site, called a troll on another and because of me someone started drinking again and it was all my fault, or lectured on another saying that I MUST go to AA.

Nobody just let me talk as you all are doing. And please believe me I am not a troll. I am an alcoholic who desperately wants to stop drinking and who is so scared that in another few days, a week, sometime, that I will give in to the craving again. Still haven't left my home as I am scared to go to the store for anything in case I end up with more drink.

Thank you for just letting me talk.

IOAA2

Hi. I would suggest making a call to your "local" AA number and perhaps someone might be available to meet up and talk with you in person. I've always preferred face to face contacts. Just a thought.

BE WELL

rhodie

Please, try and find another Dr. or friend or someone who can care for you. I changed to another more compassionate Dr. Depending on how much and how long you have been drinking it could be very dangerous to withdraw on your own. If you can go see a friend or have a friend come over. I have had seizures in the past when I attempted to stop in the past and during the seizure chewed off half of my tongue. Ended up in hospital, and you are right, the nurses treated me in the most shameful manner - made me feel worthless. PLEASE SEE another DR., stay with this site - members here keep me focused, because we have all gone through this and we shall all go through this holding hands, TOGETHER WE ARE UNITED and nobody can bring us down.

Complexiti

I live in the middle of nowhere and the nearest AA is way too far away. There is no local AA anywhere near me, and please accept when I say I can't meet up with anyone. I have my reasons but can't say what they are as I have to keep my privacy and to explain why would lose it all.

AA is not for me in any case. Years ago before I moved I went to a couple of meetings and it is just not for me. I am not good at talking to people but find it easy to put my words in writing if you can understand what I mean. Just talking here is helping me. It really is.

doggonecarl

If just posting helps...post away.

However, I looked back at your initial posts, two years ago, and they are eerily similar. Meaning, just posting didn't seem to work last time. Wondering if just posting will be enough now. I hope so for your sake.

rhodie

You know what Complexiti, I totally understand. I too feel that AA is not for me, my opinion only. My religious beliefs are not the same and it encompasses religious beliefs in every step, I only wish they would keep religion out of it. I believe that you have to believe in something in order for humanity to continue, I choose to believe in myself. Writing is good and it is your way of expressing yourself. I know a lot of people on this site will disagree with me, but that is my feeling. Keep writing, if this is what it takes to get you through this. I support you 100%.

toddle118

I also dont go to AA, nothing against it just dont find the need to. If writing helps (it does me) then write away. We are here to support each other

CuteNGayYay

I'm right there with you. You're not alone.

Holli

I have a hard time reading posts from folks dealing with difficult withdrawals alone because it is so dangerous. Best wishes to you and stay connected here as you can.

Complexiti

I can't remember what I said two years ago and I deliberately didn't go back to look. Because that was then and now is now, but just posting did help me back then for a while. Then the same vicious circle started again. But talking, posting, whatever I said then or now, is, for me, the only way I am going to get anywhere.

It's a week now since I had my last drink and even though I was so very close to going to the store and buying another litre of vodka yesterday I didn't. And I won't today either because if I could beat the craving yesterday then I can beat it again today.

I actually feel human again now and know how lucky I am to have gotten over this last withdrawal - all of them in fact. Because I'm only too aware of what might happen, especially being alone.

At the moment I'm thinking to just get through today although I'm not actually craving any alcohol, and if I can do it again today well that's another day under my belt isn't it.

diffingo911

Hi, Complexiti - Welcome Back...I am Happy for You that You are Posting Here...
Journaling is WONDERFUL THERAPY for ANYONE.

You are Trying and that's ALL You can do. My Hat is off to You for Not taking this Laying Down. All the Best to You...

AL

countrysidegirl

hi complex
really feel for you and can see where you are coming from, have you tried phoning someone from AA if there are no meetings near you ? Perhaps talking to someone from there will help
be careful with the valium and alcohol...a dangerous mix
as for withdrawal yes its scary it isn't pleasant but there is no way of avoiding it really when you do stop
I'm in withdrawal again now having slipped up,
try having something to eat good, healthy food really does help, like some salmon and broccoli the omega 3 in the fish will do your brain and liver the world of good
try having a bath
read a book
gentle exercise like a walk
drink lots of water
hang in there we all care on sober recovery and always here to listen you are not on your own

Holli

Good to hear that things are better on the physical front -- the first days are the worst.

IOAA2

I respect your feelings and opinion with no argument intended. A very common image of the program is that's it's religious. It's based on one's own Higher Power which is anything outside oneself. I and many far prefer Mother/Father Nature, far more powerful than anything I know of.

BE WELL

countrysidegirl

I agree i too have tried AA but its this higher power, religious thing to it that i cant grasp it seems in aa one goes from the addiction of drink to a religious addiction, hope i haven't offended anyone saying this but in as when i have attended they do go on and on about higher power etc

rhodie

What you have just written has just touched my very being. I feel the same way, keep living for today and tomorrow is another day, yesterday is the past. I quit smoking many years ago and I failed, dusted off and tried again and again until I conquered the monster. Now I have my battle with alcohol and am doing just that ONE DAY AT A TIME. The point is you keep trying and trying. Hats off to you. Your Higher Power within yourself and this SR site is trying hard to keep you focused - that is power within itself. I know that this is keeping me sober, serene and at last happy, even though its been a few days - thats all I need, ONE DAY AT TIME.

GreenEggsAndHam

I felt the same way when I went initially many months ago. I've recently (and reluctantly as it is a requirement of my rehab) gone back with an open mind and it doesn't bother me as much. Some do carry on and on about God and their HP, but some don't. I figure just like in life, everyone is not going to do or say what we want them to. Now I keep what I need and leave the rest and my experience has been 100% different than last time - not because the people changed but because my willingness changed. Good luck to you and to all regardless of the path you choose.

rhodie

countrysidegirl: I too feel that I was going from one addiction to another, especially when it goes against what I believe. Talking snakes is not what I believe in, however, this is something that helps many people and I am happy that they can use this belief to keep going in life. If AA helps, which it has proven that it has for many people of that mind set, then go, but its just not for me. If religion was kept out of it and focus was on addiction - I would go. But you have to pledge to God before you are accepted!!?!! Why?

GreenEggsAndHam

I'm not sure what you mean by this? My HP is not the God most people think of and I'm working the steps of AA.

IOAA2

It's interesting that I've attended meetings for + 35 years and the above has never confronted me. I've attended many types of meetings in many states and some foreign countries and never ran into anything like this. Again I don't believe a Higher Power is religious, it's a power greater than myself which for many leaves the ego out.
How many of us after drinking said " God help me out of this" It's that simple.

I might suggest that if a particular meeting is not to our liking try some others. Some might be too advanced for a newcomer.

BE WELL