w2r

sorry to hear of your holiday Raider.
I must admit I thought it was dangerous for you to go to a beautiful cabin on the shore for 3 weeks where you probably have wonderful memories of sunsets and margaritas, wine and good times...
I had the same issue with my cabin, thankfully only for the weekend. Then I could get out and regroup. It took me 3 weekends, before I could avoid a drink.
anyways, I think we all have a challenge tackling this AV thing.
Just wishing you good luck.

Olive1

Hi Raider,
I was terrified.
I think that when I had finally dried out through hospital and rehab that my mind cleared enough for me to begin to fight for my life. Even then, I was so afraid, but I didn't have the fog of alcohol to hinder my resolve. It was only after I had been sober for a little time that I knew that I would make it work.

amend

Yes, I guess you should take a good, revitalizing sleep - Silentrun. If you haven't noticed yourself, let me remind you that many helping hands had already been offered, that's what other alcoholics (sober) can do; but you can not make a decision for someone, even suffering-else. And who are you to anticipate her mind. Let her face it in peace, not on the market place post (what you're actually presenting). Yes - I DO KNOW how being disabled because of drinking taste on every day basis.Very much so familiar with relapses. God bless.

jaynie04

Raider, it took me an extra week before I left for a month away. I knew I needed to get things in order so that once I got there I could surrender and relinquish. And I did. I didn't get on the computer for a month, no tv's and I called home every other day, but other than that I immersed myself. I know that my therapist was nervous when I pushed it back a week but I needed the ability to get things in order so that I could literally drop off the face of the earth and not look back.

Drinking in those last few weeks wasn't even pleasurable anymore. It was like one of those college romances that carry on after you have graduated. That guy you hold on to because he's familiar and your new life is some big unknown. But then you get catapulted so quickly into a new persona so quickly that old groove starts to feel like a rut, and it becomes uncomfortable to stay in it anymore. And you realize you have to move forward, cuz you can't go back....

Dee74

That's not how I see SR, or the OPs situation at all.

For 15 years I was terrified to let go of my drinking...it seemed an immense undertaking.

I knew to stop drinking would mean my life would change and that terrified me more.

I'm not going to condemn anyone else in that situation.

I didn't need to be beaten up,
I already had that down to a very fine art.

I'd rather share my (positive) experience .. I took the leap, it was the best thing I've ever done, and everything worked out OK

D

foolsgold66

Man, some cranking on Raider hard since I saw this thread last.

I showed up here about the same time she did and I've read every one of her posts.

She's strung 7-8, 2-3 days in a row a couple of times now and for whatever reason she can't quite get it going again. I personally did that *hundreds* of times before I went (and I was damn near forced) to rehab, and let me tell you lucky folks that didn't go that circular route, that particular rodeo is far worse on mind body and spirit than just being drunk all the time.

She's been going to a recovery group, and she's been trying to connect with God (cap g for you Raider) without luck, and she's been logging in here and baring her soul and trying to find inspiration. It ain't clicking yet for her and maybe it won't. But she's come back and fessed up each time and at least read what we have to say rather than just vanishing like the other 90% or so.

I would prefer she went another route too, but she does have a plan in place for when she gets home, and we all get to make our own choices in that area.

joygirl

I hope you can act soon, Raider. That first step is hard, at some point you just have to do it.
I wish the best for you.

Raider

Thank you. Fools gold thank you. All thanks.

kadidee

Hi Raider, glad you're posting and keeping us up. Thinking of you, lady.

trikyriky

Hello my friend

It's nice to see yer posting

Tr

lorelei

Hang in there lovely x

EndGameNYC

I didn't know anything about SR when I relapsed, and in that darkest of times, suicide seemed the only plausible option. If it were me, I'd be very relieved that I had a place to go to reach out for help and support while my life is falling apart all around me. There's nothing that will make me feel better, nor is there anything at all satisfying about drinking through a relapse, begging and pleading with myself to stop the madness, and then dealing with the awful dread that comes with thinking of actually doing it.

I'd be much happier if someone were to show me the way out of the Nine Circles of Hell as I contemplate my own mortality, rather than remind me how I'm creating my own misery, and accuse me of pulling for sympathy while I'm slowly killing myself. I risk nothing and I lose nothing by reaching out my hand to someone who cannot yet help herself.

Freebird13

After watching this, I know I will never drink again. Talk about scared straight! Here's the link:

Drugged - High On Alcohol - YouTube

Itchy

Raider,
I relapsed every morning after 5-8 hours of sobriety. For several years towards the end I was proud if I wasn't shaking and puking and settled down after a few shots in my coffee. One day I realized that I wasn't going to make it, let alone without help. I needed the jump start of an in hospital detox, and never looked back. I had hit my bottom.

So long as you live you can make it. Once we make it we live.

Hug yourself first to be able to reach out.

Itchy

Until you decide that you can, you won't. Not can't. Won't. Not ever. Not even if you could. I don't want to be altered in my ability to feel any more. I want to live it real. The highs are real and the lows are too. Life.

Raider

Freebird thank you for that link. Oh my God, I have those exact words It was heartbreaking

james872

Raider, your PM box is full, so I couldn't reply.

In any case, I think you'll be fine. You're going through a difficult time right now, but I think you'll succeed and eventually this difficult time will just be a vague memory.

I wish you the best!

jkb

Hi Raider-

I too was a chronic relapser.... until I wasn't. Yep that simple. However, simple does not mean easy. I am glad you are posting here and I am glad your ok.

Jess

Raider

Sorry about that James. I'll clean it out.

Thank you.

gatorgirl67

((((Raider)))) wishing all the best, you can do this, stay safe until rehab!!