Raider

Thank you for your thoughts. Please know I think about every one of them I did talk to my husband last night. It's not right to say uncomplimentary things about your spouse, here or anywhere. Ill deal with this marriage some other time. I'll be here at the cabin util October 8. I'll follow thru with the screen and rehab plan when I get home. One of the things I got out of your posts, you're right, I can't take on the whole world and sobriety. I spend a bunch of brain power worrying about crap I can't control. Yes I had drinks last night, enough to keep out of detox. I don't want to detox out here in the sticks where the nearest hospital is 30 minutes away. The cabin is not in town. After detox I am going to be with my family in Alaska. I just ask you this, right know can we get the husband off the table for discussion. Foolsgold was right That is an issue I'll deal with later and sober. He is not to blame. To date he has not made me drink. Maybe it will work out maybe not. But bashing him and only knowing my side is not working.

Ok I love you SR.

Snark me Baby!

foolsgold66

Tis your life, all we can do is advise, sometimes we're sweet, sometimes we're tough. I think most of the tough posts come from caring. Do your best to take your intake low until you get to your planned detox, going to bed early can help I recall. I wish you the best.

ETA: Certainly we can keep discussions about your hubby off the table, at least I can.

digdug

Rehab saved my life. I don't think I could have gotten sober in the real world. I needed that break. To not worry about my relationships, work, finances, etc.

I am so proud of those who can make it while still handling the pressures of life. I know I couldn't.

longbeachone

Raider, what the heck is going on with the rehab? Aren't you ready to surrender and pour yourself into a treatment centre? I think that you'll find that removing yourself and letting someone tell you exactly what to and how to do it will be a welcome change from this constant relapsing treadmill you're on. I hope that you find the path. God is watching over you Raider.

foolsgold66

After the first few days I kinda liked rehab. They wanted to send me home in 3 weeks, I stayed for 4. I felt it a positive experience in my life, even the parts that weren't completely about alcohol. Shot pool, played games, went on walks, read books, watched movies, learned interesting things about other people, made some friends, found some new musical artists I liked. There was hard work, but there was also the time to relearn appreciation for things that I had completely stopped doing due to my obsession with booze. I think a lot of people that haven't been to rehab or don't want to go may only understand the work part....

Coldfusion

Maybe detox will be enough for you. It was all I needed, but I couldn't afford rehab at the time. If you have the resources for rehab, I would go for it.

Raider

I cannot thank you enough for your posts. Yes longbeachone, I am ready for someone to tell me what todo and how to do it. I did not realize what a nightmare this trip would be. Thank you guys.

mecanix

Keep your eye on the goal Raider



Bestwishes, m

james872

Raider, be honest. Do you really, honestly want to get sober?

There seems to be a part of you sabotaging your efforts and I think you know what it is. You need to face and solve that. Really do look into this and make the effort.

I wish you the best of luck!

J.

ReadyAtLast

Do you have a plan on how you are not going to drink till you leave your cabin in October raider? Or are you just going to keep drinking? A lot can happen in 2 weeks.

Raider

James872' I asked that same question earlier in this post. It is something I think about a lot. It is one of my biggest fears. I'm scared to death I don't want sobriety enough to achieve it.
Ready - no I'm tapering. Yes, I know not ideal. Back to Utah a week from Monday.

Anna

I hope you are ready to do this Raider.

I'm sending prayers for you.

hayley86

Raider i hope you get to rehab safely. Wishing you well.

james872

If you wanted it enough and you knew that, would that be it? Would that take care of the reason you keep relapsing? Or is there something else?

You don't need to answer on here if you don't want to, since it can be pretty personal stuff. But it's something to look into and take care of, if necessary.

Raider

It could be. I am so filled with fear I feel paralyzed. I have read under the Influence last week. I learned a lot about the disease. I just started reading I'll Quit Tomorrow. I'm looking inward and outward to figure this thing out. Thanks for responding. I appreciate it.

amend

Raider, I think, after observing what, how you've described yourself and your not/willing to use the mirror (as written before), there's still not one move forward you've literally done so far in your decision: quit or self-pity a bit longer to have another "remarkable" excuse for further drinking. None of people here, not one miraculous post, will make you decide if you want to be an active alcoholic and take responsibility for it. Try to answer yourself what does "first things first" really mean to you. Take care.

Uninvited

I disagree. She's posting here. Something I didn't do for a whole year between my recoveries.

silentrun

That's exactly how I felt right before WHAM! I will pm you what happened. It wasn't so much a choice it was more a reaction. Like falling asleep at the wheel and waking up to see the headlights of a semi coming at you. You don't take time to think about who is in who's lane. You just get out of the way. I though your were not going to get back to us until after your vacation. I am so glad you didn't wait Raider.

amend

Wouldn't you feel better having another drink, knowing there're are people (unknown, unanimous - safe) who don't contemn you, but let you delude yourself in wishing and willing for you. It' s absolutely obvious that manipulation in self-pitting and yearning for attraction and sympathy is not a willingness to change/quit drinking - fundamental requirement to sobriety. Sincere willingness is not for sale. But is achievable, indeed! For those who seek!
Best would be to ask the most involved in this matter and answer herself in her heart.

silentrun

You obviously don't know what it's like to have a slip or a relapse. The loss of self worth can drive you right back into the darkness. So many times I knew I was going under and could barely raise my hand for help. It's my fault because I hid my drinking so there was no one there to grab it. All that is going on here is a bunch of people who know where she is at and we are trying to keep her from getting pulled back in. This is not part of anyone's court orders. We may be anonymous to each other but we are far from unknown. Sorry to sound scolding but I'm old and I didn't get a nap.