Raider,
I relapsed every morning after 5-8 hours of sobriety. For several years towards the end I was proud if I wasn't shaking and puking and settled down after a few shots in my coffee. One day I realized that I wasn't going to make it, let alone without help. I needed the jump start of an in hospital detox, and never looked back. I had hit my bottom.
So long as you live you can make it. Once we make it we live.
Hug yourself first to be able to reach out.
