freshstart57

Paul, you have a strong and flexible mind, put it to work here to get ready for your birthday party. Here are some of the things I thought about to prepare for a situation like this one. I picture myself being cool and calm with people drinking around me. I picture people raising a glass for a toast. I imagine smelling the wine or rum from the next table. I imagine that tonic and lime or iced tea sitting in front of me. I also imagine the feeling of triumph when the party ends, feeling great and on top of the world, feeling like Godzilla going GRAAAARRRRRRRRRRRH, I did it! I imagine the warm glow of peace and satisfaction waking up fresh, sober, serene and happy the next morning.

Happy Birthday, you lucky sob.

pauladmits

Day 10 Results - Day 11 Morning

Good morning!!! Wow it feels good to get 27 over with sober. 4 straight days now. I'm very very excited this morning and getting ready to ultimately turn the leaf and live my life to the fullest. I know in the grand scheme of things it's just another day, but I'm very excited to be 28. It's like a brand new slate. I want to leave my room and enjoy the world again. Get back to volunteering, traveling, hanging out with friends, camping, etc.

Today will be fun because I'll be able to be with all my family to start this journey off!

Thank you for all the birthday wishes and support. I'm not going to lie, you will probably see me posting every day for the next 6-12 months documented 28 and making sure I'm staying on track to my goals and being held accountable for my actions. This process has been imperative to my progress. I do not want to slip back in to the perpetual cycle of nothingness. Picking up the weights is my motto for the next year!! No more escaping reality, no more running from the world... it's game time!

And I don't want to get too ahead of myself. Just gotta focus on the present... if I think about doing too much in the future I'll forget about what I'm supposed to be doing today!!

I was reading posts from you guys, and my past posts and realize that this is the time. If I drink tonight and give in on day one it will set a horrible precedent for the future. I plan on falling asleep sober, waking up sober, and knocking life out of the ball park!!

Day 1: 350mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 350mL
Day 2: 300mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 300mL
Day 3: 275mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 200mL
Day 4: 225mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 225mL
Day 5: 175mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 175mL
Day 6: 125mL FAIL!!! Total: 125mL / 1.25 bottle Chardonnay
Day 7: 50mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 8: 0mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 9: 200mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 10: 0mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL

Lenina

(((Paul))) totally awesome! Please do continue to post! Youve gained a good number of supporters and are helping many more people than you may know!

It was important for me to do something for my sobriety daily, even if it was just reading recovery materials. Also, having accountability was important. And having a plan when I had to be in situations that might have been tempting. What to do when I was angry, scared, upset or whatever. How I was going to cope with anxiety and insomnia. having a "safe" person I could talk to when I needed to vent or get some perspective. SR is a great place for that.

Have a great day! Do let me know about birthday dinner and especially your birthday cake. I love birthday cake!

Much love to you!

Lenina

sober4myboys

I think that is a good plan. Sober sleep is awesome, waking up with no hangover is even better! You can do it. If I can, you can :0).

WritingFromLife

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! :day1

HitRockBottom70

Happy Sober Birthday Paul! 7

Luling

Happy birthday! I enjoy reading up on your progress, so I'm glad that you intend to keep posting. You're doing so well!



(See, I hired a band for your birthday.)

pauladmits

Day 11 Afternoon

OMG!!! The drastic changes in mood is ridiculous! I woke up on top of the world, now I'm slowly drifting back in to a depressive state. The battle is ferocious. I just went to the grocery store for some tobasco sauce and ice... and on the way out just a split second I convinced myself to get two shooters of Jim Beam to get the edge off. Then on the drive everything started catching up to me about how bad the past year of my life was and how everything is supposed to be different this year. Then I convinced myself I will start tomorrow and have fun today... then I convinced myself that if I start now I will have a horrible hangover tomorrow, then I tried to convince myself that I'll just have these two shooters and that is it.

Then I came upstairs with them in my pocket and quickly walked in to the bathroom and dumped them down the sink. It's just soooooooooooo hard!! I mean these urges and impulses happen so quick and so unexpectedly!!

I won the first battle of the day, but I know there is going to be a full on assault tonight!! I have a little more confidence now that I was able to withstand this first fight. i just couldn't get myself to cheat you guys and myself like that! After all this talk about my goals this year, to bow out that quickly would have been an insult! I just can't believe how quick I made the decision to get the alcohol though!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Lenina

Paul,

The mood swings are normal in early recovery. our bodies take time to get back into a healthy place, all the hormones and brain chemicals are trying to get back to normal. knowing this helped me get through this phase.

There's no point in drinking and starting the misery all over. Keep doing the healthy things you have been: better diet, proper exercise, get some sunshine and fresh air. Keep to a set schedule.

Good job on dumping out the toxins. You don't need those in your body. Keep posting. Keep reading on SR. we are all here for you and we understand.

Many people find it helpful to eat something sweet when these cravings/urges hit. Try to keep some fresh fruit at hand. I like grapes and berries.

Keep on your path! you're making good progress!

Much love from Lenina

frances2011

Keep posting! Have an awesome birthday!

I achieved a business goal that included swapping business cards with pretty much the top person in my field. Gobsmacked. 16 months ago I was just getting by and not all that well.

I can't wait to hear what's ahead for you. You are going to rock this year.

Be sober, be great!

DoinThis

Get it Paul, so get it! Stay strong. X

Anna

Paul, that's great you got through it. That's how it works. And, next time it will be a bit easier.

tomsteve

yup. early recovery can be a roller coaster of emotions. i had some huge hills where i was flyin high and some very low valleys that werent too fun on the rollercoaster. but as time has gone on, them hills and valleys have gotten closer together.

Michael66

Happy Birthday Paul !

Peter G

Today is your birthday Bro? Well well amigo, Happy Birthday Paul. It's my birthday on June 29. I knew there was a reason I jumped on your back when you first joined lol - must have recognized the fellow Cancerian in you!

Have a smashing, and SOBER birthday com-padre. I've been keeping an eye on your plan here btw, and so far I'm digging it the most every time I see "0 ML".

My birthdays past were knock down, drag out, Drunkapaloozas - every single one of 'em. I'll just let you know that my last 3 birthdays were sober, and simply the best out of all of them, hands down. Nothing like waking up on June 30th and not having to read a damage report, ask some stranger where I am and when I get bailed out, or wonder why there's tubes and heart machines strapped to me, or otherwise shake and puke my guts out while wrestling a headache the size of a Buick. Here's hoping you keep that in mind today.

Keep strong, anniversary's and other "special" occasions can really sneak up on ya from behind.

KnowHope

:day1

Happy Birthday Paul and Peter!

Lenina

Hey! I'm a June Bug too! let's all go get some birthday cake!

How's today Paul?

Love from Lenina

pauladmits

Day 11 Results - Day 12 Morning

Ughhhhhhhhhh... last night was a mixture of bad, horrible, and good. This is going to be much tougher than I can handle. Especially if I want to start hanging out with my friends again or going to social gatherings. I was sitting there watching people having fun and I started feeling left out, I started feeling constricted... I didn't want to have to do this to myself. Two of my hockey buddies ended up coming with some beer, then my old party buddy came with his brother and bought me a fifth of Grey Goose for my birthday.

It was a fun party, lot of family and friends. And I saw that they were drinking and having fun, and they do not get out of control. My brother in law is a cop and him and my sister were drinking, my dad was drinking. And I guess I'm not ready to accept it yet, but I couldn't take sitting there not being able to do something. I know I got to get to the point where drinking is not "something", it is bad. But I couldn't do it.

My sister ended up making margaritas and at about 7:15 I broke... I had a margarita. The only positive news is it didn't make me feel any better. I was actually being torn about drinking. So not drinking I wasn't having fun, drinking I wasn't having fun. I don't like this... it feels like I'm putting handcuffs on myself. But, it was such a back and forth battle the entire night. I was so concentrated on not letting the drinking get out of control and not waking up with a hangover.

At about 9:30 I had, had 2 small margaritas and 2 vodka/sprites... I was getting up to get another one and I realized that this is my problem. Once I start I always need another one and then another one, and then I pass out and wake up with the worst hangover ever. So then instead of pouring myself another drink, I grabbed a gatorade and just drank that. People left around 10:30 and I was so close to pouring a glass of straight vodka and having a night cap. But I blocked that off also and ended up going to sleep with 4 drinks in me.

I'm a little sad right now because my goal was to live life. And yesterday was a perfect opportunity to have fun with my entire family and some friends. It was a nice day outside, the food was amazing, people were having fun, and I was just having this mental battle the entire time about drinking. I hate it. BUT, I will not lie... waking up this morning with out a blaring headache and that nasty hangover was a great feeling. I realized I was a split second away from making the decision to ruin myself today.

So even though I buckled last night, there was still some good to come out of it. I'm ready to keep it going, still not gonna quit. Not gonna get back in that cycle. I had 4 days of no alcohol, which is a start. Last night was a setback, but not a back breaker. I can move on, I feel great this morning health wise, I can't wait to get in to the gym today to get my lift on and cardio in. Sorry for letting you guys down. I knew it was going to be a battle yesterday. I won some, lost some... gotta move on.

Day 1: 350mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 350mL
Day 2: 300mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 300mL
Day 3: 275mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 200mL
Day 4: 225mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 225mL
Day 5: 175mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 175mL
Day 6: 125mL FAIL!!! Total: 125mL / 1.25 bottle Chardonnay
Day 7: 50mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 8: 0mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 9: 200mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 10: 0mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 11: 0mL FAIL!!! Total: 4 Drinks (~250-300mL)

Michael66

Hey Paul,

It is hard, especially to begin with as you're resisting temptation and having to manage with other people expecting you to drink.

Don't be too hard on yourself - as you say, there was good and not so good mixed together in the night.

Come and join us again on our happy sober wagon :-)

pauladmits

Thanks Michael. To be honest I kind of feel like I dodged a bullet. When I think about it, I skipped about 6-8 drinks yesterday that I normally would have had, including the pre party shots that I usually would have taken during the day. Then the late night cappers of pure alcohol. I probably drank a 1/3rd to a 1/4th of what I normally would have last night. So I know it's incredibly disappointing that I didn't go the whole night sober, I feel sort of happy about the fact that I won enough battles to prevent that horrible hangover feeling the next day. I actually have been able to work for the past two hours with no problems concentrating. I feel good.