Day 11 Results - Day 12 Morning
Ughhhhhhhhhh... last night was a mixture of bad, horrible, and good. This is going to be much tougher than I can handle. Especially if I want to start hanging out with my friends again or going to social gatherings. I was sitting there watching people having fun and I started feeling left out, I started feeling constricted... I didn't want to have to do this to myself. Two of my hockey buddies ended up coming with some beer, then my old party buddy came with his brother and bought me a fifth of Grey Goose for my birthday.
It was a fun party, lot of family and friends. And I saw that they were drinking and having fun, and they do not get out of control. My brother in law is a cop and him and my sister were drinking, my dad was drinking. And I guess I'm not ready to accept it yet, but I couldn't take sitting there not being able to do something. I know I got to get to the point where drinking is not "something", it is bad. But I couldn't do it.
My sister ended up making margaritas and at about 7:15 I broke... I had a margarita. The only positive news is it didn't make me feel any better. I was actually being torn about drinking. So not drinking I wasn't having fun, drinking I wasn't having fun. I don't like this... it feels like I'm putting handcuffs on myself. But, it was such a back and forth battle the entire night. I was so concentrated on not letting the drinking get out of control and not waking up with a hangover.
At about 9:30 I had, had 2 small margaritas and 2 vodka/sprites... I was getting up to get another one and I realized that this is my problem. Once I start I always need another one and then another one, and then I pass out and wake up with the worst hangover ever. So then instead of pouring myself another drink, I grabbed a gatorade and just drank that. People left around 10:30 and I was so close to pouring a glass of straight vodka and having a night cap. But I blocked that off also and ended up going to sleep with 4 drinks in me.
I'm a little sad right now because my goal was to live life. And yesterday was a perfect opportunity to have fun with my entire family and some friends. It was a nice day outside, the food was amazing, people were having fun, and I was just having this mental battle the entire time about drinking. I hate it. BUT, I will not lie... waking up this morning with out a blaring headache and that nasty hangover was a great feeling. I realized I was a split second away from making the decision to ruin myself today.
So even though I buckled last night, there was still some good to come out of it. I'm ready to keep it going, still not gonna quit. Not gonna get back in that cycle. I had 4 days of no alcohol, which is a start. Last night was a setback, but not a back breaker. I can move on, I feel great this morning health wise, I can't wait to get in to the gym today to get my lift on and cardio in. Sorry for letting you guys down. I knew it was going to be a battle yesterday. I won some, lost some... gotta move on.
Day 1: 350mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 350mL
Day 2: 300mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 300mL
Day 3: 275mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 200mL
Day 4: 225mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 225mL
Day 5: 175mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 175mL
Day 6: 125mL FAIL!!! Total: 125mL / 1.25 bottle Chardonnay
Day 7: 50mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 8: 0mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 9: 200mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 10: 0mL SUCCESS!!! Total: 0mL
Day 11: 0mL FAIL!!! Total: 4 Drinks (~250-300mL)