Day 11 Afternoon
OMG!!! The drastic changes in mood is ridiculous! I woke up on top of the world, now I'm slowly drifting back in to a depressive state. The battle is ferocious. I just went to the grocery store for some tobasco sauce and ice... and on the way out just a split second I convinced myself to get two shooters of Jim Beam to get the edge off. Then on the drive everything started catching up to me about how bad the past year of my life was and how everything is supposed to be different this year. Then I convinced myself I will start tomorrow and have fun today... then I convinced myself that if I start now I will have a horrible hangover tomorrow, then I tried to convince myself that I'll just have these two shooters and that is it.
Then I came upstairs with them in my pocket and quickly walked in to the bathroom and dumped them down the sink. It's just soooooooooooo hard!! I mean these urges and impulses happen so quick and so unexpectedly!!
I won the first battle of the day, but I know there is going to be a full on assault tonight!! I have a little more confidence now that I was able to withstand this first fight. i just couldn't get myself to cheat you guys and myself like that! After all this talk about my goals this year, to bow out that quickly would have been an insult! I just can't believe how quick I made the decision to get the alcohol though!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!