Add one Early Sobriety Hint, to help new members...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Persist! Just persist! Please!
Sobriety is soooo worth all the pain and fear of quitting. If you don't push yourself through each tough spot, how else will you know for yourself?
Hey, I needed to see for myself. My curiousity to see what life was like without alcohol has been a part of what pulls me through. I KNOW the end of the story WITH alcohol in my life. But I had NO idea that my life story WITHOUT alcohol has a MULTITUDE of endings, ALL GOOD.
There is only ONE you... and you have only ONE life!!
How GREAT could your life story be? Don't you want to FIND OUT?
Sobriety is soooo worth all the pain and fear of quitting. If you don't push yourself through each tough spot, how else will you know for yourself?
Hey, I needed to see for myself. My curiousity to see what life was like without alcohol has been a part of what pulls me through. I KNOW the end of the story WITH alcohol in my life. But I had NO idea that my life story WITHOUT alcohol has a MULTITUDE of endings, ALL GOOD.
There is only ONE you... and you have only ONE life!!
How GREAT could your life story be? Don't you want to FIND OUT?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Expect easy days and difficult days and in between days.
Expect that what you think may be difficult, may turn out to not be the part that phases you. Because you have worried in advance about situations that you expect to be difficult, you may be more prepared than you thought. And often what we fear doesn't happen. The person you feared would reject you for sobriety may be the most supportive. The person you thought would push alcohol on you decides to abstain with you instead. The party you feared would trigger you like crazy doesn't trigger you at all.
It can be the UNEXPECTED situations that sneak up on you and really challenge you. The person you didnt expect to offer you a drink, does. The person who you thought would be supportive starts avoiding you. The event you thought was alcohol free is filled with drinking people...
Have a general plan for when temptation "surprises" you. It matters less what the plan is and matters more that you have it and know what to do. It could be anything. Recite a mantra. Go in the bathroom and center yourself. Excuse yourself to make a call and then log in to SR. Walk away and say a prayer. Feign illness. Make an excuse. Use positive self talk. Whatever it is, think of it like your personal emergency disaster drill.
You can't prepare FOR a surprise. But you can prepare to BE surprised... for you surely will be. I was taken off guard today, and it took me a bit to get my wits about me when it happened. In fact I ended up doing all those things: excusing myself, centering, praying, going on SR, and talking myself down from an anxiety attack. Lol So have an emergency plan. From now on, I will!
Expect that what you think may be difficult, may turn out to not be the part that phases you. Because you have worried in advance about situations that you expect to be difficult, you may be more prepared than you thought. And often what we fear doesn't happen. The person you feared would reject you for sobriety may be the most supportive. The person you thought would push alcohol on you decides to abstain with you instead. The party you feared would trigger you like crazy doesn't trigger you at all.
It can be the UNEXPECTED situations that sneak up on you and really challenge you. The person you didnt expect to offer you a drink, does. The person who you thought would be supportive starts avoiding you. The event you thought was alcohol free is filled with drinking people...
Have a general plan for when temptation "surprises" you. It matters less what the plan is and matters more that you have it and know what to do. It could be anything. Recite a mantra. Go in the bathroom and center yourself. Excuse yourself to make a call and then log in to SR. Walk away and say a prayer. Feign illness. Make an excuse. Use positive self talk. Whatever it is, think of it like your personal emergency disaster drill.
You can't prepare FOR a surprise. But you can prepare to BE surprised... for you surely will be. I was taken off guard today, and it took me a bit to get my wits about me when it happened. In fact I ended up doing all those things: excusing myself, centering, praying, going on SR, and talking myself down from an anxiety attack. Lol So have an emergency plan. From now on, I will!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 10
I really needed this thread right now. It's my second day sober in a row. I have a pattern where I binge drink ever other day. It was nice waking up not hungover and feeling like hell. I feel like just going 7 days is such a long time, but I am treating it like they said a social experiment. I am ready for this needed change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Remember that there are many people who have had worse situations then you or I have, but they chose sobriety anyway. If they can do it, we can do it. Work hard to avoid Self pity in sobriety. Some people never stop drinking. Some people wreck their entire lives. Some people harm others. We, are the lucky ones. We are the fortunate ones. We have saved our lives and possibly someone else's life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Remember that all creation comes from limits. The diamond is created from pressure. So you will find that having the avenue of drinking closed to you forces you to seek new avenues of growth. Allow the limits of sobriety to surprise you. What new paths will not drinking encourage you to forge?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Every time your mind wanders to a craving, as soon as you realize it, say Refocus: and immediately substitute with a thought about one advantage not drinking brings you. Even if you have to do this 1,000 times a day at first, do it. Retrain your brain NOT to ruminate on cravings. It is a broken record. Change stations the minute you notice it. This also is training you to observe your thougbts rather then identify with them. Your cravings are NOT you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
When having a tough time, I remember just what a "vow" means. A vow means maintaining your committment both when it is easy, AND when it is hard. When you want to, and when you don't. In sickness and in health.
A vow to myself, I remind myself, works the same way. Anybody can do it when it is EASY. Real commitment is staying true to your commitment even though everything in you is SCREAMING not to, EQ.
I'd tell myself: that is what makes sobriety valuable, because you must value it, and must treat it like a highly prized possesion that must be protected and guarded, always.
A vow to myself, I remind myself, works the same way. Anybody can do it when it is EASY. Real commitment is staying true to your commitment even though everything in you is SCREAMING not to, EQ.
I'd tell myself: that is what makes sobriety valuable, because you must value it, and must treat it like a highly prized possesion that must be protected and guarded, always.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
The feeling of accomplishment it gave me to stop drinking (something that I had previously decided was impossible for me) did so much for my self esteem that it was the higher self esteem that kept me going. I didnt want to wreck that feeling of having done the impossible, by drinking.
I literally felt like I was being held hostage by drinking, and I had been given this one open window to escape through, and I took it. I felt like it was do it now, or do it never.
Of course, NOW, I know that black and white thinking isn't true. But I am glad I felt/ feel that way, because it is the reason I haven't relapsed.
Point is, use whatever logic works to steer you to sobriety!
I literally felt like I was being held hostage by drinking, and I had been given this one open window to escape through, and I took it. I felt like it was do it now, or do it never.
Of course, NOW, I know that black and white thinking isn't true. But I am glad I felt/ feel that way, because it is the reason I haven't relapsed.
Point is, use whatever logic works to steer you to sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 11
A lot of good advice ITT. I say the following to myself every morning. I'm not overly religious but it seems to help get my mind right for the coming day and forget about the dark days I've left behind.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Sometimes I tell myself:
"EQ, if you had to give up one thing, (something not required to live, something of little value, something harmful..)
.... And in return, you got better health, more respect, became more attractive, lost weight, had more energy and follow through, had better relationships, had a better memory, become more trustworthy and more marketable, and saved $250 a month, would you do it?"
"Of course. Who wouldn't?"
"Well, that is what youre doing by not drinking, EQ."
"EQ, if you had to give up one thing, (something not required to live, something of little value, something harmful..)
.... And in return, you got better health, more respect, became more attractive, lost weight, had more energy and follow through, had better relationships, had a better memory, become more trustworthy and more marketable, and saved $250 a month, would you do it?"
"Of course. Who wouldn't?"
"Well, that is what youre doing by not drinking, EQ."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Remember how awfully hard it was to quit the last time... Remember all the details of that first week or month.
When you're tempted to drink, ask yourself:
"Do I really want to go through all that again?
Or do I want to get to the part of sobriety everyone is raving about???"
When you're tempted to drink, ask yourself:
"Do I really want to go through all that again?
Or do I want to get to the part of sobriety everyone is raving about???"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
People told me this in the beginning, but I didnt get it like I do now. Maybe it will help someone else:
The people around you are not preoccupied with alcohol like you are when you first quit. You have built your LIFE around it.
Like a bad obsessive relationship, you notice every little ripple about it. But other people do NOT. Theyre not watching you, or alcohol, theyre watching their own lives. When you, over time, stop making alcohol the cornerstone of your life, this will become clearer to you.
Don't drink and see. Eventually its power shrinks. Eventually it is like a mosquito that comes by once in awhile and tries to annoy you till you move away or shoo it away. Then, its right back to YOUR life. It will happen!!
The people around you are not preoccupied with alcohol like you are when you first quit. You have built your LIFE around it.
Like a bad obsessive relationship, you notice every little ripple about it. But other people do NOT. Theyre not watching you, or alcohol, theyre watching their own lives. When you, over time, stop making alcohol the cornerstone of your life, this will become clearer to you.
Don't drink and see. Eventually its power shrinks. Eventually it is like a mosquito that comes by once in awhile and tries to annoy you till you move away or shoo it away. Then, its right back to YOUR life. It will happen!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Take hope from all the people who have remained sober. I am (very roughly and not very poetically) plagiarizing Dee, when I say: Nobody ever regretted not drinking.. But drinking is often regretted!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Things that help me:
-Doing things that I enjoy... watching TV, watching movies, reading books, whatever it is, as long as it's not drinking.
-Reading books about addiction and recovery... some that have helped me in particular are Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey, The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr, Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, and the one I'm reading now Under the Influence is really good so far.
-Drinking nonalcoholic drinks... something special I wouldn't have had when I drank alcohol. I like making myself nonalcoholic cocktails, or trying different kinds of fancy sodas (my husband just bought me a bunch of bottles of black cherry soda that are in the fridge now).
-Letting myself eat what I want... for now. I found after a few days my junk food cravings evened out somewhat anyway. At least for the first few days, don't worry about what you are eating.
-This is my third time trying to quit, and each time I found I craved sugar in particular a lot... candy or soda is still better than drinking.
-Staying away from difficult "trigger" situations is helpful... and if I know I have to be in one then I make a plan to get through it.
-I write in my journal a lot... I was already a journal keeper, but it's especially helpful now.
-I find small ways to reward myself... candy, magazines... or maybe something bigger when you reach a milestone or overcome a big temptation.
I haven't been sober THAT long this time around (this is day 15)... but I made it almost 8 months before, and these things helped me then and they're helping me now.
Good Luck All
-Doing things that I enjoy... watching TV, watching movies, reading books, whatever it is, as long as it's not drinking.
-Reading books about addiction and recovery... some that have helped me in particular are Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey, The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr, Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, and the one I'm reading now Under the Influence is really good so far.
-Drinking nonalcoholic drinks... something special I wouldn't have had when I drank alcohol. I like making myself nonalcoholic cocktails, or trying different kinds of fancy sodas (my husband just bought me a bunch of bottles of black cherry soda that are in the fridge now).
-Letting myself eat what I want... for now. I found after a few days my junk food cravings evened out somewhat anyway. At least for the first few days, don't worry about what you are eating.
-This is my third time trying to quit, and each time I found I craved sugar in particular a lot... candy or soda is still better than drinking.
-Staying away from difficult "trigger" situations is helpful... and if I know I have to be in one then I make a plan to get through it.
-I write in my journal a lot... I was already a journal keeper, but it's especially helpful now.
-I find small ways to reward myself... candy, magazines... or maybe something bigger when you reach a milestone or overcome a big temptation.
I haven't been sober THAT long this time around (this is day 15)... but I made it almost 8 months before, and these things helped me then and they're helping me now.
Good Luck All
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: SE USA
Posts: 941
This is a fantastic thread EQ - and I thought I would revive it with a post. I would rank it as required reading for everyone on SR going through the first few days, weeks and months. There is wisdom in here for everyone!
My sobriety helpful hints would be:
1. Posting and reading on SR, especially when you are down or feeling low or tempted.
2. Reading up on your favorite sobriety method (AA, AVRT, etc) - a SR community recommended AVRT and a book called Sober for Good. Both were really helpful the first and second week.
3. Drinking liquids like a madman - I had/still have an oral fixation/physiological need to drink - so, I drank/drink a lot - almost anything will due. Water, tea, coffee, etc. Sparkling water is my favorite and I drink gallons of it a day.
4. Changing your normal routine - I now do not cook as much as I used to, as that is a huge trigger to drink for me.
5. Eating well - until I am satiated.
6. Taking a moment each morning and night to celebrate, reflect, and marvel on your accomplishments, your new found state of health, your resolve, the beauty of the world around you, your family and friends take your pick here or choose all as I do.
Panacea
My sobriety helpful hints would be:
1. Posting and reading on SR, especially when you are down or feeling low or tempted.
2. Reading up on your favorite sobriety method (AA, AVRT, etc) - a SR community recommended AVRT and a book called Sober for Good. Both were really helpful the first and second week.
3. Drinking liquids like a madman - I had/still have an oral fixation/physiological need to drink - so, I drank/drink a lot - almost anything will due. Water, tea, coffee, etc. Sparkling water is my favorite and I drink gallons of it a day.
4. Changing your normal routine - I now do not cook as much as I used to, as that is a huge trigger to drink for me.
5. Eating well - until I am satiated.
6. Taking a moment each morning and night to celebrate, reflect, and marvel on your accomplishments, your new found state of health, your resolve, the beauty of the world around you, your family and friends take your pick here or choose all
as I do. Panacea
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