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Old 05-10-2012, 08:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hello


Hi all. This seems to be a great place to be with people that understand this horrible addiction.

I'm feeling desperate lately to quit drinking. The mental obsession is So strong however. Saturday (I'm around drinkers that day, no way out of it) is my struggle right now. I feel pretty strong all week but Saturday comes and it is like I forget how desperately I want sobriety. It's insanity, my addictive voice just says I'm drinking and my mind is made up.

Sunday morning, repeatedly, I am in the deepest, blackest hole of depression, almost suicidal, I entertain the idea (although I don't think I ever would). And it lasts for 3 days or more. It's insane that I allow myself to keep doing this.
I'm feeling very desperate. Any advice is appreciated. If I can stay sober on even one Saturday it would help me realize that I can do it. So far, I haven't been able to hold on. Thanks all, this is a great place.
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, being an alcoholic myself who celebrated the end of the workweek by getting smashed on Friday night, which continued through Saturday and sometimes Sunday (if I wasn't too hungover to drink), I lament the lost weekends/time that I missed - time that could be well spent, having fun, running errands, doing interesting fun things etc. Feeling like I was going to throw up all weekend is not my idea of fun. Then came Monday, and I always felt like I looked like hell. Not to mention the weight gain - never gained much, but zero nutrition.

Don't be me. What happened towards the end of my addiction, I managed to drink too much on some days during the week. Less production and lookiing like I was sick was par for the course.

You know, alcoholism is progressive. I thought I would stick with Fri/Sat., but it ended up being a habit of several evenings. Lack of vitality, lack of self-esteem, low production at work, and the depression brought on to what I was doing to myself was hard to live with. Yes, I thought about ending it all....what I was going through a what I felt about myself made living very difficult. I wanted the old me back. Drinking was no longer fun, and really played a number on my health and well-being. I was sick most of the time. Not my idea of a good life.
I finally gave it up, but not without a battle!!!! I got sober 8/10/11, and joined SR 8/13/11. Besides a few members of my family, no one even knew I was a alcoholic....I was living a very fake life. They still don't know I relapsed for 4 years. Now I am sober 10 months, and life is not a bed of roses, but I respect myself again, I didn't lose my job (I almost did, there at the end of my drinking), and I am getting it together personally, financially, etc. That takes awhile but I am getting there.

This can happen to you too. Find other things to do on Saturdays. AA meeting maybe? New hobby? New friends? There is a multitude of things that you can do that is time well spent....and your self-respect will propel you to do even more. Make the decision that will change your life - stop drinking. I wish you the very best.
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Abby,
I know about those dark, depressive moods you go through after a binge. I ended up drinking everyday to relieve them. I lost everything and ended up in rehab. Do something now to address your drinking before you head down that slippery slope like I did.
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Smile Easy Does It

Hi Abby. I can certainly relate to feeling anxious about the future when it comes to drinking: social events, friends who drink, ect.

I actually just posted my intro post as well and Id like to reiterate something I eluded to there. Live in today, Saturday is a lifetime away. What's important today is that you are sober right now.

What happens each and every Saturday that you must be around drinking or people who drink?

All I or anyone can share is our experiences. I'm not qualified to give advice
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Can you take yourself out of drinking situations even for one Saturday? Have you considered AA meetings? I found in my earliest stages of recovery i really had to concentrate removing myself from situations where i would be tempted to drink or buy booze. I didn't even go grocery shopping alone for a few. When my husband and i go out to dinner, we put the drinks menu out of eyeshot right away and make sure the waiter doesn't drop off a wine list. I find that keeping my guard up at all times becomes second nature the more i practice it and it makes living a sober life with fewer temptaions a little easier. I hope that helps a little.

Day 64 for me! Woohoo!
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome Abby. I am new here too. I'm 11 days sober and this site has helped me a lot. There are a lot of people here who understand what you are going through. Have you sought out any counseling for your depression issues? I got some professional counseling for awhile myself and found it really helped me. Good luck to you! Saturday is just around the corner. Kick its butt!!!
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Abby - welcome
I'm a little curious why there's no way of getting out being around drinkers on Saturday?

whether it's a job thing, or a friends thing or a family thing, I think there's always other choices to be made

I had to make some real changes in my life to stay sober.
Some of them were pretty hard to make - but they were all worth it

you'll find a lot of support here - it's a good place to be
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Old 05-10-2012, 09:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Shaking my head here.....I can relate and really thought I was the only one who could ever feel this way... Welcome Abby!!
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I am only on day 7 and feel too much like a rookie to add other than awful experiences which you seem familiar with already. I agree with what's been said above. Give some info on this Saturday thing. Whatever it is it seems that this is tripping you up and needs to be avoided at all costs. I have done AA and counseling and found both to be immensely helpful particularly the latter. AA though puts you in with other people just like you and it is a very warm and supportive feeling. You don't have to say anything - ever - if you don't want to and you won't be criticized or laughed at. Eventually you will laugh with everyone and maybe at yourself.
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Old 05-10-2012, 10:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Abby,

And welcome. I know that voice you describe well - the "I'm drinking and my mind is made up" voice. I think that was what I told myself so I wouldn't torment myself about doing something to myself I knew was not a good idea. Then the torment I put myself through by drinking hard was worse.

I'm certainly not out of the woods on this deal yet but I can tell you that after a while of not drinking I am not having nearly as much of that debate and subsequent bad decision-making in my head anymore. It gets better after a while. At least it did for me. If you can put a few sober Saturdays behind you I think it may start to get easier to not assume you are going to drink, and may start to be the new normal for you. It was a gut it out thing for me for a while. Best of luck.
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Old 05-11-2012, 02:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome AbbyAngel...I don't know what you do on Saturdays...But if stopping drinking for good is what you want...Then that has to be more important than what you are doing on Saturdays. If that's what's holding you up...It has to change...Simple as that.
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi all, thanks so much for the warm welcome. It's my business (been thru hell for quite a few years to get where we are), I have to be where I am on Saturdays, or the business (and my marraige probally) will be sacrificed. I have to learn to just deal with it and do it, without the drink.

I've had depression on & for years, but never quite like after the Saturday binge. It's a miracle I can get out of bed on Sunday.

Thank-you all, I will think about everything you said on Saturday, maybe it will save me.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:08 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyAngel View Post
If I can stay sober on even one Saturday it would help me realize that I can do it. So far, I haven't been able to hold on.
How about calling in sick this week?....I've never heard of a job where you have to get drunk....I've had quite a few where you weren't supposed too.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:11 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Abbey - really rooting for you tomorrow.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:20 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!

Here's my bottom line; I don't really care what others are doing to themselves. I have the problem with alcohol, not them. Whatever it takes, I will not drink, no matter what. Drinking is NOT an option for me.

I worked the steps of AA and continue to work them in my life. I can be around drinkers, but in the beginning of recovery, I chose not to do so. It saved my sanity.

Try getting to AA, make some friends, maybe invite one or two to your Saturday (be honest with them about what's going on, some people can't tolerate that kind of situation, others can tolerate it).... not sure what is going on, but you've got to make some kind of sacrifice to save your life.

Alcoholism is progressive, whether we drink or not, it keeps getting worse until we treat it. Untreated alcoholism is horrible. Treated alcoholism is something we can live with.

AVRT is another option. Somehow you need to equate YOUR drinking with disaster so YOU don't take that first drink. AA is another option. At least you will meet sober friends.

You can stay stopped and you can be around others who drink (you'll find out how boring they really are, too!).

Stick around here. It's a great site!
Hugs,
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:02 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Abby! I found that until I put my sobriety ahead of everything else, I didn't really stand a chance. Anything I put ahead of that, I would lose eventually anyway. I hope you find a solution for this weekend.

--Fenris.
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:18 AM   #17 (permalink)
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now so I can take care of you for years to come."

"Don't kill me please.!!"
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
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We'll all be behind you this Saturday Abby

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Old 05-11-2012, 08:53 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks all, I really appreciate the support. I'm already feeling the mood.

Fact is I hate the business we bought, and I feel a lot of anger and just resentment I guess, I feel like I lost so much in my life coming here and doing this. I left friends and family, the home I loved, security, fun in life... I was very happy all those years ago and this place stole everything from me. I hang in there for my kids, only thing that keeps me going.

Drinking I guess numbs me on the day that I have to be in the middle of everything. I go through the motions, Saturday just goes on forever, otherwise. There's no way out right now so I got into the habit of drinking my way through it.

Sapling, your suggestion game me a chuckle. If I called in sick, my husband would answer the phone, lol. We own the business. Thanks so much for all the support, I'm going to try desperately tomorrow to stay sober. If I can do it, I'll know it can be done. Have a great night all.
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Old 05-12-2012, 12:40 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Fact is I hate the business we bought, and I feel a lot of anger and just resentment I guess, I feel like I lost so much in my life coming here and doing this. I left friends and family, the home I loved, security, fun in life... I was very happy all those years ago and this place stole everything from me. I hang in there for my kids, only thing that keeps me going.
I wish you luck today...But this looks like your real problem right here. And that resentment will keep you drinking...And alcohol won't make any of this any better.
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