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Another crash and burn

Old 05-11-2012, 11:44 PM
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Another crash and burn

Started up drinking again. Truth be told I first enjoyed it after this time off but I dont enjoy knowing I gotta start sobriety again sometime in the future. It just gets tougher and tougher on the mind for me. I didnt even get drunk like back in the day but still I feel bad about the few I had which took away the enjoyment. Looks like all my plans have failed so far. Day 1 coming right up!.....
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Looks like all my plans have failed so far. Day 1 coming right up!.....
Sorry to hear that Fallow....What plans have you tried? It might be time for something different.
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:56 PM
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It's true what they say...a little bit of recovery can really ruin your buzz....

I'm glad you're back Fallow

D
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:58 PM
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Feel like Ive tried em all. Obviously not hard enough haha. Well soon enough Ill probably get it. Or maybe Ill keep getting 2-3 months then having a few then start again. Who knows.
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Old 05-12-2012, 12:47 AM
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I hope you don't stay in that cycle Fallow. There's no reason you have to. It's probably not the few that took away your enjoyment that were the problem though. I have no doubt in my mind that if I started drinking again that I would be able to moderate it and enjoy drinking for a decent amount of time. It will never stay that way for long though so I choose not to pick up that first drink.

I don't know this for myself but I've heard it gets tougher and tougher physically too

I hope you pick yourself up again x
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Old 05-12-2012, 12:55 AM
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Yeah you are totally right! Its probably not the few. Thing is Ive always picked myself back up but I know thats not a forever solution.
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Old 05-12-2012, 01:00 AM
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And a little recovery certainly ruins your buzz.
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Old 05-12-2012, 01:21 AM
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If you want recovery you can get Fallow - it means going a little out of your comfort zone tho.

What precisely are you prepared to do to stay sober?

D
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Old 05-12-2012, 01:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Feel like Ive tried em all. Obviously not hard enough haha. Well soon enough Ill probably get it. Or maybe Ill keep getting 2-3 months then having a few then start again. Who knows.
I don't know Fallow....If that's as bad as you want it...That's probably the results you're going to get.
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Old 05-12-2012, 07:27 AM
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Hi Fallow

As long ay you keep making changes in your thinking and behavior in such a way that gets you closer to your goal of living free of alcohol....you will win over alcohol.
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Old 05-12-2012, 10:28 AM
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Thanks guys. You know I feel like Im so close to sobriety mentally that Im almost sure Id have done it this time. I guess I let my emotions get the best of me. I just found out my father is sick with cancer recently about 2 weeks ago. Thought I was handling it well..then some extra stress at work coupled with an upcoming long weekend and I caved. Went to the store got a half pint of remy vsop and a sixer of microbrews. I drank 3 beers and a half of the half pint while listening to some music late at night and alone. Woke up today no hangover actually feel great, I know my problems will always be here for me but other than guilt it was nice to dissolve them for awhile. I know I gotta get back on the sobriety train soon but not today..I dont know what my plan looks like yet.
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Old 05-12-2012, 11:03 AM
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You'll know when you're ready...I hope you don't have to take the beating I did to get there. I wish you the best Fallow...My prayers are with you and your dad.
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Old 05-12-2012, 01:51 PM
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We'll be here when you're ready Fallow. I'm sorry about your dad -- something like that would push me pretty close to the edge, too. But you already know that drinking over something doesn't make it go away.
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Old 05-12-2012, 02:04 PM
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I'm sorry for your Dad too Fallow.
Trying to drink your fears away is understandable...only...it doesn't work...you have to keep re-applying the alcohol....and we both know where that leads.

It won't stay 'OK'.

Be there for your Dad Fallow.

D
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Old 05-12-2012, 11:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Thanks guys. You know I feel like Im so close to sobriety mentally that Im almost sure Id have done it this time. I guess I let my emotions get the best of me. I just found out my father is sick with cancer recently about 2 weeks ago. Thought I was handling it well..then some extra stress at work coupled with an upcoming long weekend and I caved. Went to the store got a half pint of remy vsop and a sixer of microbrews. I drank 3 beers and a half of the half pint while listening to some music late at night and alone. Woke up today no hangover actually feel great, I know my problems will always be here for me but other than guilt it was nice to dissolve them for awhile. I know I gotta get back on the sobriety train soon but not today..I dont know what my plan looks like yet.
Oh, I can identify with drinking for oblivion alone.

Drinking when it was all too much.

I feel now that it was so selfish of me.

I learned though that I also have this compulsion to drink alcohol to change the way I feel.

What would be a healthier way to change the way you feel Fallow?

What would be a choice that would not harm you and others?

I am sorry to read of your return to drinking because I know how you tried and so I just hope you resume your efforts to solve this problem...to take the steps to improve your chances at long term sobriety.
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Old 05-13-2012, 01:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Started up drinking again. Truth be told I first enjoyed it after this time off but I dont enjoy knowing I gotta start sobriety again sometime in the future. It just gets tougher and tougher on the mind for me. I didnt even get drunk like back in the day but still I feel bad about the few I had which took away the enjoyment. Looks like all my plans have failed so far. Day 1 coming right up!.....
Me too...it totally sucks. I had 40+ days and threw it in the trash....drank this night & it wasn't even fun...that is how this is all so f'd up! It is so stupid that I chased my drunk all night.....that I haven't found yet.

Alcohol....you suck!
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