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Old 03-01-2012, 05:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Devastated


I am devastated. One of my closest friends passed away last night. This is the second person close to my heart to pass away in the last two months. I am a mess. I'm not sure how to process all of this. I haven't finished grieving for the person that passed away 2 months ago and here is another person to grieve for who was taken way too soon. I haven't slept all night, I have no one to talk to about this. I tried talking to hubby but he's not sure what to say so he changes the subject. I am seriously considering going to the liquor store when it opens in a couple of hours because that's the only way I know I'll be able to process all of this. To make matters worse, I am considering not going to the funeral. Its incredibly selfish of me, she was my best friend and here I am thinking of how hard this will be on me. I am afraid that if I go I will have a mental breakdown. There is so much going through my head, I just don't know what to do with myself. 2 days ago I was happy about having almost a whole month sober and today all I can think of is drinking myself into a coma.

I apologize for unloading on you all like this, I'm all alone right now and this is the only way for me to get it all out.
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by chiyo View Post
I am seriously considering going to the liquor store when it opens in a couple of hours because that's the only way I know I'll be able to process all of this..


First I want to say...I'm truly sorry for what you are going through..I mean that...Second..Going to the liquor store is the only way you know to not process it...Take a little time and pray...If you don't pray...Try and meditate on good times you had with this person...Post on here today for support....And don't drink for today...It doesn't do any good...And you already know it doesn't make anything better..Hang in there...Be strong on this one....
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:25 AM   #3 (permalink)
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And don't give up that month...Hang on to that for your friend....You can get through this.....You don't need to go back where yoi were to do it.
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You aren't unloading on us. We are all here to support each other. I'm really sorry for your loss and can understand the temptation to numb it away. But you know the alcohol will only delay the pain for a little while and it will come back with a vengeance.

Please keep posting, you don't have to be alone. ((Hugs))
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your losses, Chiyo. Please don't add to them by drinking. It would solve nothing. You are in my prayers for peace. This would be a good time to give this problem to God, and listen for His answer. I can't imagine the shock you must be in, but drinking over it will only worsen it, and pile guilt upon grief. I hope you'll keep an open mind about the funeral as well. Peace.
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Old 03-01-2012, 05:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm really sorry for your losses Chiyo.

Believe me tho - drinking on grief is not processing it - it's closing yourself off to processing - you put yourself in a holding pattern where you hang onto the grief, it goes nowhere and you keep needing to drink on it - it's a vicious cycle.

Sooner or later we all need to deal with our grief - we're meant to do exactly that - deal with it.

It's sad and it's uncomfortable and it hurts - but to really process it, I think we need to move through it - you know it makes sense Chiyo.

D
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:47 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Chiyo, your friendship with your dear friend was a good thing, and deserves to be honoured. Grieving is how we do this.

These feelings of loss and sadness you have now are the results of all that is good in life. They need to be accepted and even celebrated. How lucky you have been to have known two such beautiful people who have touched you so deeply. Your friends were lucky too to have known you.

I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:36 AM   #8 (permalink)
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My condolences on your losses.

grief.net There are other online grief sites.

Try a local support group for grieving.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm very sorry for your loss Chiyo. I hope you can make it through without drinking. Let yourself grieve.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your loss, chiyo. That's a lot to handle. Unfortunately it's one of those things we have to deal with, with or without drinking. You'll be so much happier with yourself if you handle it without. Drinking will make you feel worse in the long run. Hang in there...allow time to help you heal.
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone. I'm still sitting here, still sober and still unsure of what to do with myself. I'll probably try and take a nap soon and maybe that will help.
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:09 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss. At the end of the day though, drinking is not going to bring your friend back, and I'm sure she would be disappointed in you if you threw that sobriety away. Going through grief while struggling with sobriety is a very hard thing to do, I'll be praying for you. Keep your head up, let out a few tears but don't drink any beers!
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
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(((Chiyo))) - I'm so sorry for your losses but really glad you're still sober.

Greif is painful and I think it's human nature that we want to avoid pain. For those of us that are A's, we know of something that will make us numb. I've lost several loved ones in my recovery, everyone of them..I did't want to go through the pain, but I did.

I was there for other people grieving, and I didn't have to keep using (because if I start...I'm not gonna stop until consequences get REALLY bad), then get back into recovery and feel the grief AND the bad feelings of myself that I numbed my way through something.

Hang in there, and know that we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-01-2012, 12:17 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Like everyone here is suggesting, you are not processing anything by drinking. You are doing the exact opposite, merely delaying the inevitable grief you will have to face sooner or later. I'll add from experience, as harsh as it may sound, drinking to grieve the loss of anyone is absolutely doing a disservice to the memory of that person.

I am truly sorry for your loss no matter how you choose to react to such overwhelming news. There's not too much worse that we experience in this life, IMO. As someone who has also lost quite a few loved ones, people and family as close to me as close gets, my advice is that you deal with it head on, right now, with a sober frame of mind.

Someone extremely wise told me this when my Mother died years back (RIP): ...

"When you drink your way through loss or the many tragedies of living, it will interrupt the natural flow of emotions you have inside, emotions that need to be let out without any obstacles and interruption. What's left behind in your soul becomes faulty, maladaptive, and will truly fester and leave deep scars far beyond the original sadness. In turn, given time the natural grief and indignation of your loss will morph, presenting itself in an entirely different set of future crises."

If you can Chiyo, honor your friends memory now and don't let booze take this one horrible thing and make it many.
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Old 03-01-2012, 01:28 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Chiyo, I am so sorry for your most recent loss(and your other one for that matter). Sleep is good, and busying yourself with something.

I lost my dad last week and do not know what to do. I am just tired and very unmotivated. I do have to do some stuff, since I have a family. The kids need dinner, clothes, etc... but I feel robotic.

But I am going to just try to ride it out. Do walks help you? I find walking very helpful when I am depressed or anxious, but the weather here has not been good for it. Maybe you can get out to walk?

I hope you stay strong.

rochele
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:06 PM   #16 (permalink)
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So sorry for your losses chiyo drinking has always been our first coping resort so I think its natural u want to turn to it in such hard times. I think what Dee said is rt on...the grief process is so integral. I hope u stay strong and stay sober. Sending prayers your way
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:20 PM   #17 (permalink)
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So very sorry for your loss.
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:27 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss, dont let it take away the most important thing. Your sobriety.
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:28 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I lost someone myself last week. I ended up relapsing and so had the guilt and shame of that to deal with along with feelings of grief and loss.

Please continue to reach out for help through this. I wish I would have. PM me if you want to talk.
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:17 PM   #20 (permalink)
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you do know a better way to process this, you've been doing for almost a month and that is staying sober. I terribly sorry for your loss.
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