MickInMd

ForwardLooking - I've never seen the rest of that "God grant me the serenity" poem... it's beautiful. Tks! And, way to go, coping with a crappy day without drinking.

Just a quick late afternoon check-in for me.... will be back later.
Thanks, everybody.

tjp, stroop - we're with you.

"There are two kinds of pain; the pain of discipline, and the pain of regret."
~ Unknown (to me, at least -- possibly from Buddhism)

Moo Moos

hi you guys, Greetings to you all on the eve of Halloween in a cold dark Ireland. Its 22.19 and I am tucked up with the laptop just catching up. Just reading back the posts and

TJP I am sad for you Please keep in touch and keep posting, your honesty could really help us see the signals, you know I am litterally taking things so slowly at the moment and know that that could have been any one of us posting this morning. What happened????? Look your back in class and that is the main thing, 'it is not a sin to fall but it is a sin to lie there'. You are in my thoughts this evening

Forwardlooking...we all have bad days, just remember how bad they are when your drunk or hungover. I posted a few weeks ago about how bad I felt one day and someone kindly reminded me of how low things really would be while drinking...keep the chin up

Mickinmind...your posts are a breath of fresh air and very important to others. Its an eternal journey and it is great to hear from other passengers!

Deecelt....Big congrats to you on the 30 days...bet you wouldnt have thought it possible in september...well done.

Caribbean hows things with you...you said you were thinking of travelling?

Ultrarunner thanks for the comment on the post...oh its gonna be a long road....and some people might not like the road I have choosen but hey ho....its my life

Anyway I bid you all good night...I know I didnt mention everyone but tomorrow I will post more.....ps BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....Happy Halloween....ha ha

tjp613

What happened was that I was triggered by the situation: It's Friday and a BEAUTIFUL day outside. A friend calls and asks if I want to meet after work for some dinner. "Sure! But it's too early to eat, let's just sit on the patio and have some chips and salsa!" All the way to the restaurant I am debating with myself, trying to justify this crushing desire to have "just a couple" of glasses of wine after a hellish 2 weeks of stress. Hadn't been to a meeting in a few days, didn't tell my friend that I 'quit' drinking, and set myself up in this triggering situation. So by the time the waiter came, I just impulsively ordered in my usual fashion...one after the other after the other. Then we decided to go hear some zydeco music and do some dancing....where I had another 2 glasses.

Lesson learned: Avoid triggering situations especially when I know I'm vulnerable. Attend meetings more regularly and get a *%&# sponsor (!). Tell everyone I know that I've quit drinking and I appreciate their support.

And, by the way, it's a beautiful day here and I did NOTHING to enjoy it...except take a nap. Hangovers absolutely SUCK.

Day One almost done and I will definitely NOT be drinking.

Stay sober everybody.

Dee74

I'm sorry tjp...but it sounds like you learnt a big lesson, so I'm not sure the day was totally wasted

I'm so glad you got back on the right path so quickly

D

tomdecel

Hi Moo Moos,

Actually I would have bet the world that I was going to do it this time. I appreciate your comment but these past few days I have been very frustrated with SOBER rec.

Not necessarily this group, but a lot of the posts in other threads.

> I have an itch in the back of my head, I feel like drinking, but I won't.
> I am afraid to walk in the booze isle at the market because I may be tempted, and will relapse.
> I have to visit my cousin who is visiting from out of town at his hotel, but you know, hotels have bars, and people drink alcohol in bars and they all seem to have so much fun and I can't, so I better not go see my cousin.

I think this is all RUBISH. I am here, because I want to eliminate alcohol from my life. I have declared war on MY consumption of alcohol. I am 1000% convinced that alcohol does absolutely nothing for me. I don't want it, I don't need it. I am going to live without it.

I make a resolution every night that I am NOT going to drink the next day no matter what. I reaffirm it in my mind when I go to sleep. When I wake up the next morning I reaffirm again, and again and again all trhu the day.

The only way I could slip today, is if I open my mouth and pour alcohol into it. Simple as that. As long as I have the resolve to live my life without the poison I will not let that happen.

I have seen very few post lately that inspire me. Every one in S~R seems to be very supportive, friendly and chatty and that is great for a social network. But I am here to stop drinking alcohol. I want to beat this disease NO MATTER WHAT and I just keep bumping into people who instead of committing to the same have nothing but a defeatist attitude. If only he, or if only she, or I may no be able to sleep, or it the dog, or if the sky.....

Anyway... if I offend any one here, please excuse me, but as the month comes to a close, I keep remembering a lot of first day, two days three and five days sober post and and very few that have gone beyond that and are here for the long run.

Maybe I just need to vent a bit. Maybe I need to reassure myself, but I say it with all my soul, I will be here in 30 more days to celebrate 60 days of sobriety, and if I start staggering, then I deserve a kick in the pants.... not a hug. My life depends on it.

Thanks for letting me vent.

FreeParticle

October 2010 pride!

Dee74

Hi DeeCelt

As I go on and rack up more and more time sober I find I can look back and saee things very clearly now...I remember just how much struggle I had getting sober...

sure this last time was a keeper, for me...but I had 15 full years of insanity and failed attempts before that.

I try never to forget that.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle too Sarah...but I'm glad you're back too.

I think not giving up on the sobriety dream is the key - that and trying to add stuff to our programme everytime we fall...

if anyone is just using SR, maybe it's time to think about something like AA or SMART or counselling or even sometimes rehab...if you're going to AA, maybe you need to get a sponsor and do the steps, if you have a sponsor maybe you need to talk with them about what went wrong and get their advice and start those steps again...

Like I said above, I tried for 15 years to get this right...but I have to admit now I didn't try very hard.

Once I did, I was set

I'm proud of everyone here for sticking around - if this was easy we wouldn't need SR, right?

tomdecel

Thanks.... I have too. My first attempt at living without alcohol was 20 years ago. I stopped drinking for 7.5 years the day my little girl was born. She is now in College. The last 12 years have been 6 months sober, one month binge. 7 months sober, 5 week binge.....on and off, on and off. I am tired of the marry go round.

Really4Real

DeeCelt - Congrats for the 30 days! Wonderful stuff. I struggled a lot over the last 24 days. Some days were really ok - some I wouldn't have made it through if it wasn't for SR and a couple friends. The stoppiung drinking was the easier part - the learning to live without it was the hardest part to acclimate to - sometimes there are other circumstances that cloud the vision. But they can be gotten through.

TJP - I'm really sorry! That's exactly why I haven't put myself in any position to be around any parties or dinners or anything with alcohol involved yet and especially on a weekend! You're still in October!! I commend you for getting right back up -- that's so incredible to me. And totally not how I am - it would be weeks or months (no lie).
I'm still right beside you.

Ohhh, if it was easy, Dee - I would've done it the first time if it was easy. Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy, that's why it's called a fight. But I'm finding out it's sooooo worth it. There's a thankfulness that I have that I didn't before - everything was gloom and doom and negative - my life, my circumstances, my finances, my marriage. Guess who had to change.... guess who's glad they did?

Have a Happy, Safe and Sober Night!

MickInMd

Evening, everybody. 9:45 p.m. on a Saturday night and I am sober ;-) End of Day 6 for me, which I know isn't much, on the one hand, but on the other hand..... it's six days, and I just feel great about that. No wasted, blurry evenings, no misunderstandings or arguments with my wife (although, she has been out of town for the last week, but still..;-) .... extra money in my pocket, lots of things accomplished that would otherwise have been set aside indefinitely.

I've said this numerous times, but I have to keep saying it --- I'm so grateful to have found SR and this community. Thank you, thank you, thank you! All of your posts, whether heartwarming or heartbreaking, are helpful and instructional, and motivating!

Some of you have had setbacks, and I'm sorry to hear about that, but you haven't given up, and that's the main thing. Me, I am going to be 49 yrs. old in two weeks. 49 years old! A 49-yr. old man who drinks too much is not a pretty sight. At half my age I was twice the man, mainly because I didn't hardly drink at all. I never imagined that at this stage of my life I would be battling with alcohol addiction, but that's where I find myself. I guess I'm just trying to say that, while maybe I seem enthusiastic in my posts (I AM enthusiastic now!), I realize that I'm only on Day 6, and I've had many setbacks before --- I guess we all probably have. Anyway, I guess I just want to say to those who've had setbacks, never give up, never quit trying, and take the steps you need to take, whatever they might be, to get back on track and stay on course.

G'night, all. Have a pleasant and sober evening. I'll be back in the morning, to start my day off right ;-)

"Hard-won victories are the sweetest of all."
~ Lara McClellan

tjp613

Thanks, all, for your friendship. I knew that if I ever "slipped" (hate that word) that I would get right back on the sobriety bus. And I really thought I'd be OK to just go have some dinner for Pete's sake. I can't live in isolation forever...that threatens my sobriety, too! Who wants to be sober if all it means is I stay home and do nothing or see any friends? I can't live that way either. The friend I went out with last night had ONE drink all night long, so it wasn't who I was hanging out with...it was ALL me. I gotta figure this gig out 'cause I cannot moderate my intake. I am powerless over alcohol. Period.

At least I'm still a member of this awesome October group!

tomdecel

@really

Thanks.....to me it was the other way around. Stopping is hard. Living with out alcohol is easy. All my family members are very supportive AND I know what I need to do for myself, so going to a restaurants and bars with drinkers is not a problem, I just don't drink and most people leave me alone.

@mick

I am just a bit older than you, but not much. My birthday (58) is also in a couple of weeks.

Age is all relative. I have a nephew who just turned 25 who is always drunk. I at lest would drink quietly in the safety of my home, usually very late at night or very early in the morning when everyone else was sleeping. My nephew is on your face drunk, really not a pretty sight at the end of family events.

caribbean

Good morning everyone!

tjp, thanks for sharing your story about your slip. So, when are you going to a meeting next? And let's get this sponsor thing figured out, eh? Is there anything we can do to help encourage you?

sarah78, good for you for committing to getting help. A women's meeting is one way to go. Men are NOT supposed to do that, especially with newcomers, but it happens -- do NOT let it keep you from going to meetings. If necessary for the future, or if you run into this guy again, set a clear boundary with him. It's perfectly OK to say something like "I appreciate your interest in my recovery. I'm here to focus on that. I don't want to be rude, but it would help me if you could leave me alone for now." You can even ask for help from other women in the group to help "protect" you from this guy if that's not something you are comfortable with.

deeCelt -- congrats on your 30! I just had mine, too. It's OK to vent, but remember that people are at very different places in their recovery, and sometimes they may just be venting the same as you. Or they may not have the wisdom, experience, or support that you do to reach the same place yet. Maybe you were never where they were, but the experiences you posted that you call "rubbish" are not uncommon. Not everyone who needs help knows exactly how to ask for it, nor what it looks like when it arrives.

You mentioned that stopping was hard, living without alcohol was easy. For lots of younger people or others early in their drinking "careers", it is quite often the other way around -- maybe it is this difference that makes you frustrated with what others are sharing? There are posts that push my buttons a bit, too. I either ignore them or think about how I can try to help, whether or not I actually succeed.

]Moo Moos -- thanks for asking! I have been out of town since Wednesday, returning home next week. I have been busy with a conference and not able to go to many AA meetings, but it's been fine. 30 days came and went yesterday; I was so tired I barely remembered. Alcohol and drunk people are everywhere here, but I haven't found myself tempted or distracted by it -- probably helps that other attendees at my event are more health-conscious rather than big drinkers, so the people I'm with aren't the ones partying. I thought airports might be a challenge -- toward the end I drank a lot when I was travelling, but then I drank a lot pretty much on any occasion anywhere. No problem there, either. I feel incredibly blessed by how relatively easy my first and only attempt at recovery has been. I credit AA, the 12 steps, and the fellowship of other alcoholics (in person and here online) with my success. And I am so relieved!!

Happy Sunday everyone.

stayinsober

Welcome everyone to SR. I'm very happy to say I went to a very, very good Halloween party last night. I can't say that I've ever had a better halloween time sober since I had started drinking. It was a total blast. We took our little 6 yr. daughter and 6 yr old g-daughter it was soo much fun. By the end of the night m,y face hurt from all the smiling and the laughing. I'm looking forward to more time like that. As a matter of fact I was acting what "we" do for new years eve (that I'm sure will be just as fun)I have tried to stop drinking on my own before and never lasted long (1 yr.) This time I have AA and it's great for me, true friends that's for sure.To all the newbies on here Congrats!!! If I can do it you can do it.

MickInMd

Morning, everybody! Beginning of Day 7 for me (and you too, GP --- congrats!), and it feels great. It is a beautiful, crisp autumn morning here, and I'm alternately reading posts and watching the birds and squirrels in my back yard, and I just feel very good..... no blurry eyes, aching head, general malaise, none of that stuff that I would feel if I had downed a bottle of wine last night. This feeling of, clarity, I suppose is a good word to describe it, I think is a powerful weapon that all of us have in our arsenals. For me, I've had to stop drinking for a few days for that clarity to surface, and now I find that it is a real motivator, something that has really knocked the wind out of any feeling that I might get from drinking.

GP - when you said "yeah, us, yeah everyone," I got the biggest smile on my face, and it wasn't just a "have a nice day" kind of smile, it was a huge smile that I quite literally felt move from my face and spread throughout my body (if that makes any sense;-) So I just took a minute and enjoyed that, really let it resonate, and I'm quite certain that would have been lost on me had I been nursing a hangover. Thanks!

Thanks, everybody. Your posts continue to inspire and motivate me.

Wishing you all a wonderful and sober day. I'll be back after the trick-or-treaters come by this evening, to stay on track ;-)

Resolved: To live with all my might while I do live, and as I shall wish I had done ten thousand ages hence.
~ Jonathan Edwards

Kerbcrawler

Hi All, 3 weeks last night, holdin up well, has always been the first 2 weeks,then month, the hardest to get through, then a case of stayin with the plan,and being on top of anything that may threaten your sobriety, vigilant and on guard to complacency military style, well almost...had a weird flu virus last weekend a few down with it in my location, heavy last weekend, then letting up mid week, still worked, then Bang!! full on again fri
took to the bed, have pretty much remained in and about, aching all over,head pounding,
liver burning for a while, sweating profusely...pretty much zonked out...think the problem being not given the initial virus the respect/rest it deserved, and never really shakiing it off, feelin a lot better today,though still not fit..though on the mend i hope...the moral of the story being if your hit with a heavy cold/flu, dont think you know better than it, as it will dictate when its done with you! happy halloween fellow octobians, Heres to good sober health.

ForwardLooking

Nearing the end of day 6 for me. Not feeling quite as miserable as I did and I am even getting my personal life resolved (funny coincidence how that's happening at the same time I've stopped drinking). All this chat and sharing of emotions is starting to have an affect on me: I bought some candles today, and as a man from the North of England that's just not done (please don't tell my Dad or brothers lol).

I hope you all have a great November!

Sally1009

Just to say I hope I can come back to this group. I did relapse since I joined, but someone kindly invited me back, so here I am; feeling very positive as have just received some good news about my daughter. I won't repeat myself as I posted about it in the main Alcoholism forum, just to say I'm feeling a whole lot better, particularly thanks to you guys.

Dee74

Everybodys always welcome, Sally

D