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Old 06-12-2010, 01:52 AM
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sorry

I'm so sorry. I have failed! I dont know what to say, I'm distraught right now. I have let everyone down, my family, you friends and myself. All my promises mean nothing. I'm probably the most disliked person on this planet now. Why do I do this? I've probably blown everything now!
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Old 06-12-2010, 01:57 AM
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Not too worry about that. We are here. We are supporting you. You lost nothing this time. It is a study for sobriety. Take care of yourself!
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Old 06-12-2010, 01:57 AM
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Falling down isn't failing. Staying down is failing.

You're posting on SR. That means you have a ray of hope. So do I. Be well.

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Old 06-12-2010, 02:02 AM
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I'm so sad. Please help me. I have to beat this monster!
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:03 AM
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Many of us had to try a few times before we got it right
You're still here and that really is a major part of success - don't give up!

Look and what happened and learn from your mistakes - and then move on.
Beating yourself up only makes you feel bad and feeds the old ways of thinking.

Tomorrow is a new day, disgrace

D
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:09 AM
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Thanks for your kind words. I really dont deserve them. I dont want to be this way. No matter waht I say now, no one believes me!
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:12 AM
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I propose you change your name this time. I know we can not change user name. You have to create new account though.

Name shows its nature. - Japanese old proverb.
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:16 AM
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Everybody deserves kind words disgrace.

You haven't done anything noone else here hasn't done at least once, if not many many times, like myself.

Self loathing is such a useless emotion - it serves no positive purpose...it only keeps us in that shame spiral that can often lead back to more drinking.

Try and focus on being pro-active...you need to learn more coping strategies for next time, and perhaps find more support, learn to reach out before you drink.

All of these areas you can explore as soon as you want to start - it's far better than self-recriminations, believe me

D
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:17 AM
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Falling down isn't failing. Staying down is failing.
You're posting on SR. That means you have a ray of hope. So do I. Be well.

Depends on how you want this to come out.

Yeah, I'm not the SR cheerleader, just realisitic. Makes no sense to beat yourself up behind something else...

Like they say, how bad do you want it?
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:17 AM
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okay Ninja. Will do
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Old 06-12-2010, 02:28 AM
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Originally Posted by disgrace View Post
No matter waht I say now, no one believes me!
I believe you. I have promised to quit dozens of times. I meant it every time. The sense of failure and letting others down has been horrible. You can tell they are thinking, "you're not even trying". They don't know the torment.

It's hard. It's wicked hard, but we can do it.

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Old 06-12-2010, 03:20 AM
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never give up that hope dis!
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Old 06-12-2010, 03:38 AM
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Just like Severian says - I have fallen LOADS of times. Use it to learn from, so you don't make the same mistake at the same point/trigger next time. Then you are actively working on your sobriety. The emotional pain is part of the learning process. Remember how you feel now and use it to strengthen your resolve in future.

And don't be too hard on yourself - this is a very serious ailment. If it was simple to get better we would never need the support of others, which is why we are here.

Chin up,

Stu.
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Old 06-12-2010, 03:40 AM
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You already have some great posts that are close to my initial thoughts. I also liked what Ninja said about maybe changing your name & starting fresh (of course we want to continue to follow your story with references to your history here with us). I don't think you are a disgrace at all, just feeling that way at times. A positive name or one that inspires you might be beneficial. Even one that just feels right to you for some reason.

I am learning more & more that this is really more of a spiritual condition than anything else. It seems that the majority of us dont seem to have the self love we should have for one reason or another (or many reasons).

Be kind & gentle to yourself & think about what went wrong and make changes accordingly. If we all got this right perfectly right away there wouldnt be so many of us on here lol.

Take care DG, I know how it can feel to fall and the emotions that follow. From your posts you are a kinds wonderful human being and you are just going through some big changes/challenges right now.

You can do this & you deserve this. Know that, accept that and start a new dedicated action plan to beat this thing.

We are all with you here on this journey into sobriety as tough as it can be at times.

Keep posting and sharing with your friends here on SR.

Take Care,

NB
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Old 06-12-2010, 04:08 AM
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I've re-registered under another name, but seem to be having problems with my email address just now, so will continue with this until resolved.

Thank you for your replies. I need you all right now, I'm so down I just dont know what to do with myself anymore. I have to beat this, I have to.
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Old 06-12-2010, 04:39 AM
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Originally Posted by disgrace View Post
I have to beat this, I have to.
So do I. The only other option is to surrender my life to alcohol. I will not concede that. I don't think you do either. The anger you feel toward yourself right now screams "FIGHT!" Just turn it on the real enemy.

We may be fighting our own personal battles, but we can fight them together.

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Old 06-12-2010, 05:08 AM
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Hi Grace, so sorry to hear you slipped, but come on, you have done so marvelously well and almost hit the one month mark, sometimes we just have to fall down before we learn the right way to do it. Also you have had tremendous extra stress. Not to worry we start again, at least you came back. Being honest is what it is all about. I am still proud you did so well for so long and you can again!
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Old 06-12-2010, 05:15 AM
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Hi Disgrace,

I echo everyone else and will be thinking of you today.

There is a true phrase used in my job: 'don't let your last mistake become your next one'.

Learn from it and use it, amigo.
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Old 06-12-2010, 05:17 AM
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Thank you Mamm. I'm so sorry. I just dont know what came over me. I'm so upset and I need you all so much right now. I'm sorry.
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Old 06-12-2010, 05:27 AM
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You can ask the Moderator to change your username, no big deal... you don't have to set up a whole new account.

That's alcoholism and addiction... That obsession and compulsion that is stronger than our own will. It wins every time. If I stepped into the ring with, say, Mike Tyson, (he's older but I am too....) he'd kick my @ss everytime. He is stronger. I would not feel shame.

Why is it that we feel sooo much shame early on? Many reasons. But primarily, I think, we have this idea that we should be able to buck up, use our will power and just.... stop.... drinking.... If we could do that, well, then maybe we wouldn't be alcoholic at all and we could just close this internet site and we'd all be happy in the sun....

Quit fighting, surrender. Try to detach... Shrug your shoulders and remind yourself that the beast is bigger than you... detach from your pride and step out of the ring.

There is lots of help out there and in here.

Mark
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