You can ask the Moderator to change your username, no big deal... you don't have to set up a whole new account.
That's alcoholism and addiction... That obsession and compulsion that is stronger than our own will. It wins every time. If I stepped into the ring with, say, Mike Tyson, (he's older but I am too....) he'd kick my @ss everytime. He is stronger. I would not feel shame.
Why is it that we feel sooo much shame early on? Many reasons. But primarily, I think, we have this idea that we should be able to buck up, use our will power and just.... stop.... drinking.... If we could do that, well, then maybe we wouldn't be alcoholic at all and we could just close this internet site and we'd all be happy in the sun....
Quit fighting, surrender. Try to detach... Shrug your shoulders and remind yourself that the beast is bigger than you... detach from your pride and step out of the ring.
There is lots of help out there and in here.
Mark