I'm confused.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I'm confused.....
Hi everyone...I'm confused and abit taken a back by some of the posts here...from some members....and slightly offended....
I am taking my recovery very very seriously....and it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence...I am now 125 days sober....have not been to an AA meeting, or rehab, or anything...I believe in God, I go to church..but I choose not to attend any meetings or such....so does that mean in some peoples eyes that Im just abstaining??? and that my road is doomed to fail??? sometimes when I post, I almost feel like I have to edit what I say... maybe I've come to the wrong place...
I am taking my recovery very very seriously....and it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence...I am now 125 days sober....have not been to an AA meeting, or rehab, or anything...I believe in God, I go to church..but I choose not to attend any meetings or such....so does that mean in some peoples eyes that Im just abstaining??? and that my road is doomed to fail??? sometimes when I post, I almost feel like I have to edit what I say... maybe I've come to the wrong place...
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
if you can stay sober and find happiness by not drinking and getting involved in church,I say that is great!I wish you the best and I hope you continue to come back and stay with us.You can certainly help others with your experience here...hope you have a great day!
Toro Solo
Join Date: May 2010
Location: san francisco
Posts: 103
we all do what works for us. the only right way is the one that keeps you from taking the first drink. this forum is doing more for me than meetings at the moment and some would say i'm doomed to fail... one week today. that's a success in my world.
I'm proud of you. Keep doing what you're doing... it's obviously working.
I'm proud of you. Keep doing what you're doing... it's obviously working.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Just say what you want, its a forum...as long as people share on their real life experiences its all gold! It would kind of suck a bit here if all everyone did was say 'You can do it, keep on trying' whilst the poor sods relapsing keep on doing the same thing over and over again...i know i was one of them all you have to do is check my posts early to middle last year...and yeah i was totally offended by those wankers at AA telling me i was dry when i didnt drink for 5 months...but i couldnt beat them so i joined them and what they promised came true...whatever floats your boat i guess!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Yes I can relate to what you're saying and I'm sure you will be helping others by posting what you have posted.
It can get a touch Pious at times. However if you're genuinely feeling good and happy to be sober then that's all that matters.
What I came to realise was that my sobriety was what matters to me. I firstly got demoralised by recovery and went back drinking again. I am sure this happens, particularly with younger people who go to AA for the first time. The my way or the highway is all well and good, but it ultimately can demoralise and depress, particualrly younger people trying to get sober. It can seem far too distant from the realities of the chemical and binge-drinking culture of the modern generation. Certainly in the UK I feel. I always try to share to newcomers in a way that is going to try to give them hope to see the benefit in recovery rather than pushing them away into another drink neever to return back again. But then again I can only share my experience.
However you have to remember that ultimately people mean well. I am so grateful for SR as without SR and the people who post/read here I wouldn't be sober now.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating. If you're sober and happy about it then great. How you get that is your choice. Take what you want and leave the rest. A great philosophy which has helped me. Also as you grow in your recovery you will start to realise that the stuff that you found offensive you begin to understand where they were coming from... But then other stuff you wont. That's how it rolls. Just like life in general.
Just make sure that in your times of need you are never afraid to post!! I cannot stress that strongly enough. The people who may not post will be reaching out through different means (sponsors/other AA'ers) so they will still be doing it but you won't see it.
Keep posting.
Peace
It can get a touch Pious at times. However if you're genuinely feeling good and happy to be sober then that's all that matters.
What I came to realise was that my sobriety was what matters to me. I firstly got demoralised by recovery and went back drinking again. I am sure this happens, particularly with younger people who go to AA for the first time. The my way or the highway is all well and good, but it ultimately can demoralise and depress, particualrly younger people trying to get sober. It can seem far too distant from the realities of the chemical and binge-drinking culture of the modern generation. Certainly in the UK I feel. I always try to share to newcomers in a way that is going to try to give them hope to see the benefit in recovery rather than pushing them away into another drink neever to return back again. But then again I can only share my experience.
However you have to remember that ultimately people mean well. I am so grateful for SR as without SR and the people who post/read here I wouldn't be sober now.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating. If you're sober and happy about it then great. How you get that is your choice. Take what you want and leave the rest. A great philosophy which has helped me. Also as you grow in your recovery you will start to realise that the stuff that you found offensive you begin to understand where they were coming from... But then other stuff you wont. That's how it rolls. Just like life in general.
Just make sure that in your times of need you are never afraid to post!! I cannot stress that strongly enough. The people who may not post will be reaching out through different means (sponsors/other AA'ers) so they will still be doing it but you won't see it.
Keep posting.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
If you are sober you must be doing something right!
Right there in our AA book it says we do not have a monopoly on recovery, so the "evangelical" AAers you have run into are not even following our literature. You might keep in mind that they just want to help.
If you are a strong Christian, you might want to check out celebrate recovery, a Christ-based approach to the 12 steps.
Right there in our AA book it says we do not have a monopoly on recovery, so the "evangelical" AAers you have run into are not even following our literature. You might keep in mind that they just want to help.
If you are a strong Christian, you might want to check out celebrate recovery, a Christ-based approach to the 12 steps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Please don't edit what you say 
. The differences in opinion make SR a great place and show that there isn't just one path to recovery. Everyone has to find their own way. As for the people who would rather dictate to people than offer suggestions...they exist in every community. I personally separate the message from the person and see if it has value, but earplugs work just as well. If you're 125 days sober, you're doing something right. Keep it up.
. The differences in opinion make SR a great place and show that there isn't just one path to recovery. Everyone has to find their own way. As for the people who would rather dictate to people than offer suggestions...they exist in every community. I personally separate the message from the person and see if it has value, but earplugs work just as well. If you're 125 days sober, you're doing something right. Keep it up.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,078
For the most part I find the people here at SR mean well. Wile there are others here, like everywhere else where people gather, there is bound to be a conflict of opinions. As long people abide by the SR rules, Ive taken the attitude of 'to each their own' and let it be.
What helps me is the more I concentrate on my personalized addiction treatment plan the less I am distracted by the disagreeable opinions of others.
If your doing what helps you the most loveon2legs...then I'm glad for you. Keep going forward in your recovery.
What helps me is the more I concentrate on my personalized addiction treatment plan the less I am distracted by the disagreeable opinions of others.
If your doing what helps you the most loveon2legs...then I'm
glad for you. Keep going forward in your recovery.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Congrats on 125 days Loveon2Legs!!
I too have not been to AA, although I haven't ruled it out. I'm at 40+ days and feel I am doing ok for now. I may consider AA or something similar in the future.
I have had tons of support from many people on SR.
Anyway...whatever works for you keep doin it! You're doin great...keep it up!
I too have not been to AA, although I haven't ruled it out. I'm at 40+ days and feel I am doing ok for now. I may consider AA or something similar in the future.
I have had tons of support from many people on SR.
Anyway...whatever works for you keep doin it! You're doin great...keep it up!
FREEBIRD!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Pekin, IL 61554
Posts: 5
Congratulations on your 125 days of sobriety in a row my friend! 
There are many different roads to the same destination.
As long as I keep learning about my self, my peace and serenity has seemed to grow over the years.
I hope the same for you.
There are many different roads to the same destination.
As long as I keep learning about my self, my peace and serenity has seemed to grow over the years.
I hope the same for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence."
I'm not currently attending AA but have been to hundreds of meetings in the past. I use some of the tools of AA and not others. The basics of AA are the foundation for most recovery programs: Admit we have a problem, can't fix it alone, and reach out for help. Daily communication with other alcoholics in sobriety is necessary for me, and SR works beautifully for that!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Loveon2, it's kind of funny you asked that, because (coincidence!) I was asking the same thing in the last day or two, and I got some kind feedback on essentially the same question.
Since this site is a tool for us, it's possible that we let ourselves become discouraged by certain posts at certain intervals. What we read has an impact on us, and sometimes it can be taken negatively.
I think that I am doing something right. (I am between 6 and 7 months.) I also ponder whether I am doing enough. To me, simply asking yourself that question is a sign of something good.
In my experience, I have not dealt with the urge to drink to the extent that I get my shoes on and make my way out the door to go get some, and I'm grateful for that and glad that is how it is now. Thoughts about drinking creep in though. And then I think to myself that one of these people I have been acknowledging for having quit very recently might be the one giving ME an empathetic read or reply in the future if I did drink again. So I take the "daily reprieve" idea seriously.
I think I am different from how I was, but I am still studying whether I am different enough. (How "recovered" am I? Did I even start?) When I read a post that sounds like a message that I am not bound for a good outcome without actively using AA, I need to remember the times that a person using AA did not send that message and said something different. There are also people within AA in disagreement over specific topics that come up. I also need to remember the topics that seem to stir up the dander here every month or two, for different people:
- AA vs not AA
- definition of "real" alcoholic
- alcoholism as a "disease" or something else
- "This whole higher power thing makes me edgy" or "they're pushy in AA"
- disagreement on how to approach someone who has not stopped or who has gone back to drinking
There are probably others to add to that list. Through a lot of the conversations, I have had times when I felt negative and asked myself whether I was supposedly being merely dry and abstaining and not on a genuine road of recovery. And I also questioned whether I should continue to use the site. I still use it because I think it does me some good and it's important to me to be involved in someone else's turnabout/quitting/hope. Even though I haven't gone back to AA at this point, I think it has an impact on me in my work on myself. I do include it in my own way, and it matters to me. If I can say that, and if I am not drinking today, then I am doing something right to some extent. Maybe I shouldn't overthink it on some days.
You had your long weekend in the wine country of British Columbia and made it through without returning to drinking. That is an example of doing something right that must be meaningful to you. (I don't mean by selecting the same destination as in the drinking past, but by getting through it with whatever has been working for you, in spite of the danger, and maybe you won't choose that option again.)
I'll probably be discouraged or go through some of this questioning again, just as the memory of drinking will come up again, but I should take another careful look when that happens. Maybe I exert too much energy worrying about it.
Since this site is a tool for us, it's possible that we let ourselves become discouraged by certain posts at certain intervals. What we read has an impact on us, and sometimes it can be taken negatively.
I think that I am doing something right. (I am between 6 and 7 months.) I also ponder whether I am doing enough. To me, simply asking yourself that question is a sign of something good.
In my experience, I have not dealt with the urge to drink to the extent that I get my shoes on and make my way out the door to go get some, and I'm grateful for that and glad that is how it is now. Thoughts about drinking creep in though. And then I think to myself that one of these people I have been acknowledging for having quit very recently might be the one giving ME an empathetic read or reply in the future if I did drink again. So I take the "daily reprieve" idea seriously.
I think I am different from how I was, but I am still studying whether I am different enough. (How "recovered" am I? Did I even start?) When I read a post that sounds like a message that I am not bound for a good outcome without actively using AA, I need to remember the times that a person using AA did not send that message and said something different. There are also people within AA in disagreement over specific topics that come up. I also need to remember the topics that seem to stir up the dander here every month or two, for different people:
- AA vs not AA
- definition of "real" alcoholic
- alcoholism as a "disease" or something else
- "This whole higher power thing makes me edgy" or "they're pushy in AA"
- disagreement on how to approach someone who has not stopped or who has gone back to drinking
There are probably others to add to that list. Through a lot of the conversations, I have had times when I felt negative and asked myself whether I was supposedly being merely dry and abstaining and not on a genuine road of recovery. And I also questioned whether I should continue to use the site. I still use it because I think it does me some good and it's important to me to be involved in someone else's turnabout/quitting/hope. Even though I haven't gone back to AA at this point, I think it has an impact on me in my work on myself. I do include it in my own way, and it matters to me. If I can say that, and if I am not drinking today, then I am doing something right to some extent. Maybe I shouldn't overthink it on some days.
You had your long weekend in the wine country of British Columbia and made it through without returning to drinking. That is an example of doing something right that must be meaningful to you. (I don't mean by selecting the same destination as in the drinking past, but by getting through it with whatever has been working for you, in spite of the danger, and maybe you won't choose that option again.)
I'll probably be discouraged or go through some of this questioning again, just as the memory of drinking will come up again, but I should take another careful look when that happens. Maybe I exert too much energy worrying about it.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by loveon2legs 
Hi everyone...I'm confused and abit taken a back by some of the posts here...from some members....and slightly offended....
I am taking my recovery very very seriously....and it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence...I am now 125 days sober....have not been to an AA meeting, or rehab, or anything...I believe in God, I go to church..but I choose not to attend any meetings or such....so does that mean in some peoples eyes that Im just abstaining??? and that my road is doomed to fail??? sometimes when I post, I almost feel like I have to edit what I say... maybe I've come to the wrong place...
I am taking my recovery very very seriously....and it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence...I am now 125 days sober....have not been to an AA meeting, or rehab, or anything...I believe in God, I go to church..but I choose not to attend any meetings or such....so does that mean in some peoples eyes that Im just abstaining??? and that my road is doomed to fail??? sometimes when I post, I almost feel like I have to edit what I say... maybe I've come to the wrong place...
This is a forum open to all. In fact those sharing the 12 Step solution of AA are actually in the minority on this particular Newcomers forum - I share that because it was shared to me and it was the only thing which saved my life.
But there are plenty of other people sharing all sorts of methods of recovery here. You seem to be very happy in your recovery. Keep sharing it - no doubt it helps you to share, as it helps others to read it. Not only is it helpful and supportive, it may just save lives.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Loveon2legs)))
I say I'm in "recovery" because of the way I live. I don't just abstain..I've changed the way I think, the way I react to people/things, etc. Though, like ((Artsoul)), I don't currently go to AA, I did go for a few months and I use what I learned there. That doesn't mean you can't find "recovery" without it.
I've got over 3 years...my faith in God (HP), SR, some great friends (mostly from here) but a few f2f are what has helped me most. If that stops working, I have no problem going to a meeting or whatever I need to do to stay IN recovery, because it's the most important thing in my life. What I found, when I was new here, is the more people "saw" me, working through things, dealing with "life stuff" and not getting high, reaching out to others, the less I heard about how I was "not in recovery"...my actions spoke for me. When AA/NA WAS suggested, I simply thanked them. If it was said in a way that indicated I wasn't in recovery...I ignored it. I knew I was...and that's all that matters.
125 days is GREAT...congratulations!! You've obviously seen a lot of changes, but you're going to see a lot more. My life has had it's ups and downs, the past 3 years, but it is WAY better seeing it through the eyes of a very grateful recovering A!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I say I'm in "recovery" because of the way I live. I don't just abstain..I've changed the way I think, the way I react to people/things, etc. Though, like ((Artsoul)), I don't currently go to AA, I did go for a few months and I use what I learned there. That doesn't mean you can't find "recovery" without it.
I've got over 3 years...my faith in God (HP), SR, some great friends (mostly from here) but a few f2f are what has helped me most. If that stops working, I have no problem going to a meeting or whatever I need to do to stay IN recovery, because it's the most important thing in my life. What I found, when I was new here, is the more people "saw" me, working through things, dealing with "life stuff" and not getting high, reaching out to others, the less I heard about how I was "not in recovery"...my actions spoke for me. When AA/NA WAS suggested, I simply thanked them. If it was said in a way that indicated I wasn't in recovery...I ignored it. I knew I was...and that's all that matters.
125 days is GREAT...congratulations!! You've obviously seen a lot of changes, but you're going to see a lot more. My life has had it's ups and downs, the past 3 years, but it is WAY better seeing it through the eyes of a very grateful recovering A!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,835
The message does come off a bit harsh sometimes. Do'nt let it get you down. As long as you're staying sober and happy with it you must be 'doing it right'. Congrats on your sober time! 
Congrats on your sober time! 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,598
Hey loveon2legs
I haven't always agreed with everything I've seen posted on SR either, but I know it's almost always coming from a place of care and concern.
When I say 'just not drinking is not enough' here I'm not a member of any group - thats my direct personal experience...
I had to work on myself as much as I did on the not drinking, if not more so.
If church does that for you, and it seems from your post that it does, then so much the better
Congrats on your 125 days
D
I haven't always agreed with everything I've seen posted on SR either, but I know it's almost always coming from a place of care and concern.
When I say 'just not drinking is not enough' here I'm not a member of any group - thats my direct personal experience...
I had to work on myself as much as I did on the not drinking, if not more so.
If church does that for you, and it seems from your post that it does, then so much the better
Congrats on your 125 days
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 617
Some think that one size fits all when it comes to being sober. There's only one way, & it's THEIRS. Don't you believe it! Abstaining is just fine, thank you. I go to church too, & a lot of people scoff at that-let them. don't let them discourage or confuse you. It's whatever WORKS FOR YOU.
125 days are fanastic-keep it up!
125 days are fanastic-keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,947
Originally Posted by loveon2legs
Hi everyone...I'm confused and abit taken a back by some of the posts here...from some members....and slightly offended....
I am taking my recovery very very seriously....and it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence...I am now 125 days sober....have not been to an AA meeting, or rehab, or anything...I believe in God, I go to church..but I choose not to attend any meetings or such....so does that mean in some peoples eyes that Im just abstaining??? and that my road is doomed to fail??? sometimes when I post, I almost feel like I have to edit what I say... maybe I've come to the wrong place...
I am taking my recovery very very seriously....and it really upsets me when I read that "you won't recover just through abstinence...I am now 125 days sober....have not been to an AA meeting, or rehab, or anything...I believe in God, I go to church..but I choose not to attend any meetings or such....so does that mean in some peoples eyes that Im just abstaining??? and that my road is doomed to fail??? sometimes when I post, I almost feel like I have to edit what I say... maybe I've come to the wrong place...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
