Loveon2, it's kind of funny you asked that, because (coincidence!) I was asking the same thing in the last day or two, and I got some kind feedback on essentially the same question.
Since this site is a tool for us, it's possible that we let ourselves become discouraged by certain posts at certain intervals. What we read has an impact on us, and sometimes it can be taken negatively.
I think that I am doing something right. (I am between 6 and 7 months.) I also ponder whether I am doing enough. To me, simply asking yourself that question is a sign of something good.
In my experience, I have not dealt with the urge to drink to the extent that I get my shoes on and make my way out the door to go get some, and I'm grateful for that and glad that is how it is now. Thoughts about drinking creep in though. And then I think to myself that one of these people I have been acknowledging for having quit very recently might be the one giving ME an empathetic read or reply in the future if I did drink again. So I take the "daily reprieve" idea seriously.
I think I am different from how I was, but I am still studying whether I am different enough. (How "recovered" am I? Did I even start?) When I read a post that sounds like a message that I am not bound for a good outcome without actively using AA, I need to remember the times that a person using AA did not send that message and said something different. There are also people within AA in disagreement over specific topics that come up. I also need to remember the topics that seem to stir up the dander here every month or two, for different people:
- AA vs not AA
- definition of "real" alcoholic
- alcoholism as a "disease" or something else
- "This whole higher power thing makes me edgy" or "they're pushy in AA"
- disagreement on how to approach someone who has not stopped or who has gone back to drinking
There are probably others to add to that list. Through a lot of the conversations, I have had times when I felt negative and asked myself whether I was supposedly being merely dry and abstaining and not on a genuine road of recovery. And I also questioned whether I should continue to use the site. I still use it because I think it does me some good and it's important to me to be involved in someone else's turnabout/quitting/hope. Even though I haven't gone back to AA at this point, I think it has an impact on me in my work on myself. I do include it in my own way, and it matters to me. If I can say that, and if I am not drinking today, then I am doing something right to some extent. Maybe I shouldn't overthink it on some days.
You had your long weekend in the wine country of British Columbia and made it through without returning to drinking. That is an example of doing something right that must be meaningful to you. (I don't mean by selecting the same destination as in the drinking past, but by getting through it with whatever has been working for you, in spite of the danger, and maybe you won't choose that option again.)
I'll probably be discouraged or go through some of this questioning again, just as the memory of drinking will come up again, but I should take another careful look when that happens. Maybe I exert too much energy worrying about it.