I'm confused.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
Love
Going to AA or working another program increases ones changes of staying sober. In going to church my guess you see there is more to life than just breathing... Working programs lead to that as well as cleaning out the garbage of the past..
If you feel like you are missing out on something AA is not a cult so don't be stereo-typed about not trying it out.
Sometimes I get more from church then AA meetings and sometimes more from meetings than church. Each has it's place for me.
AG
Sober for sometime
Going to AA or working another program increases ones changes of staying sober. In going to church my guess you see there is more to life than just breathing... Working programs lead to that as well as cleaning out the garbage of the past..
If you feel like you are missing out on something AA is not a cult so don't be stereo-typed about not trying it out.
Sometimes I get more from church then AA meetings and sometimes more from meetings than church. Each has it's place for me.
AG
Sober for sometime
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Similarities
Originally Posted by Toronto68 
Loveon2,
......... Through a lot of the conversations, I have had times when I felt negative and asked myself whether I was supposedly being merely dry and abstaining and not on a genuine road of recovery. And I also questioned whether I should continue to use the site. I still use it because I think it does me some good and it's important to me to be involved in someone else's turnabout/quitting/hope.
......... Through a lot of the conversations, I have had times when I felt negative and asked myself whether I was supposedly being merely dry and abstaining and not on a genuine road of recovery. And I also questioned whether I should continue to use the site. I still use it because I think it does me some good and it's important to me to be involved in someone else's turnabout/quitting/hope.
Loveon2legs,
Congrats on your sobriety !!
And thanks for your post. Lately , I've wondered if the working basics; [the successful taking action part ] of (early) AA and SR are very , very similiar. When I read; in my librarys' AA Big Book, of the earliest accounts of how the first members of AA took action and stayed sober, it seemed like they always worked with other suffering active alcoholics. And seeing the successful recovering "abnormal drinkers" --(ref. BB); here at SR
[AA members or not ] ....constantly helping those in need, .....it seems to me, anyway, again , very , very similiar.
Newcomers, or anyone desperate to quit, paradoxically help the successful folks in recovery.
Because.........
The successful folks in recovery are uniquely positioned to help the newcomers, or anyone desperate to quit. And in turn , strengthen their own sobriety.
One unique advantage of AA seems to be f2f.
It seems to me one unique advantage of SR is that a newcomer can (sometimes ) quickly become supportive of other newcomers, ...and in turn, begin to strengthen their recovery program.
Both; ....almost magical to witness
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
2legs,
you hace something other then just abstinence in your life,
so if it is working, keep working it.
i'm an AA'r, and have a friend from the way past that found his answer with a collar,
has his own ministry, and has helped many over the years.
there was recovery long before A.A., N.A., DIY, Secular, Rehabs, Internet, and even Aunt Tillies way
a belief in something,
freely giving, and real honesty with others, and ones self.
good wishes 2legs,
rz
you hace something other then just abstinence in your life,
so if it is working, keep working it.
i'm an AA'r, and have a friend from the way past that found his answer with a collar,
has his own ministry, and has helped many over the years.
there was recovery long before A.A., N.A., DIY, Secular, Rehabs, Internet, and even Aunt Tillies way
a belief in something,
freely giving, and real honesty with others, and ones self.
good wishes 2legs,
rz
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Yep. In early recovery I felt the same way. Used to drive me nuts when it was said that dry drunks were doomed back to the bottle if the steps weren't followed. Hell, I didn't even know what a step was!
What I have found is what others have said. There is a lot of diversity here, to which I am grateful. Generally, I learn a lot from those that share their AA experiences. Most people here are genuine people who really want to help others on their sober journey.
I do believe you have to have some kind of an idea as to how you are going to stay sober. I think that keeping recovery first is just huge. Sobriety doesn't fall from the sky into your lap...you really gotta work on it....and you can do that at SR.....or AA....or Smart....or......Aunt Tillie.....
What I have found is what others have said. There is a lot of diversity here, to which I am grateful. Generally, I learn a lot from those that share their AA experiences. Most people here are genuine people who really want to help others on their sober journey.
I do believe you have to have some kind of an idea as to how you are going to stay sober. I think that keeping recovery first is just huge. Sobriety doesn't fall from the sky into your lap...you really gotta work on it....and you can do that at SR.....or AA....or Smart....or......Aunt Tillie.....
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
I used to encounter this prejudice a lot, although admittedly mostly in AA meetings. I attended for six months, and when I left my "friends" and sponsor made it no secret that they expected me to fail spectacularly without the program. Nearly two years later, I'm still sober. It's taken a long time, but I've learned to filter out those negative opinions. If someone feels the need to judge your mode of sobriety (and you ARE sober, that's what counts), they clearly have their own issues to deal with.
I do make a point, when talking to hatchlings, that although rehab/AA/etc are very effective means of recovery for many people, they are not mandatory. I am no less sober because I choose not to attend meetings. If BB-thumpers take it upon themselves to "take your inventory" (to use AA parlance), that's more a reflection on them than it is on you.
Major kudos on your sober time. Keep it up!
I do make a point, when talking to hatchlings, that although rehab/AA/etc are very effective means of recovery for many people, they are not mandatory. I am no less sober because I choose not to attend meetings. If BB-thumpers take it upon themselves to "take your inventory" (to use AA parlance), that's more a reflection on them than it is on you.
Major kudos on your sober time. Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I think the bottom line is time will tell...those that are sober and living happy and free lives still in 10 years will have found their sobriety and be recovered...until then we can all try different stuff and hope for the best i guess!
After going to AA i wanted to find someone with 20 plus years sober who could show me what they did...this may sound harsh but i didn't feel that following someone with say 5 years was a very good idea...after 20 years of drinking, 5 years wasnt actually a long time. My sponsor did 20 years drinking, and has been sober 25 now thats someone i want to hear from and their success in sobriety is tangeable...common sense and logic really:-)
This is my life we are talking about here!
Also i go/speak to my CBT counselor once a week, he has 20 plus years sobriety...we concentrate on life skills and and issues that come up in sobriety, e.g. relationships with family, work etc...
So that means i get hardcore how to be sober, happy and free in AA and directions on living life sober at my CBT sessions.
I also read a lot, i use recovery books leveryday in the mornings that have daily readings on the different aspects of recovery, makes me think about the topic during the day.
I pray in the morning and evening and keep a close conscious contact with my HP everyday, contemplating and listening to myself ...building on my individuality and getting that good relationship with myself stronger.
I come on here whenever i can, sometimes more than others.
I try and get to an AA meeting once a week, sometimes i might go to 3...i go because i want to not because i need to anymore...
I try and do new things that i didnt do when i was drinking, to challenge myself and push through any fear...to grow...
I do all those things because i am serious about my sobriety...and i do all those things because i want to...i wanted freedom from alcohol i dont want to be staying in Hotels and having them remove the mini bar like a child, i dont want someone offering me a complimentary glass of wine at dinner and it ruining the evening, i want to be able to meet people after work and then to drink and me not be affected, i dont want a beer commercial to send me into a rage, i dont want to have a rigger everytime i smell alcohol, i dont want to not use my favourite mouthwash...freedom and that takes a lot of work, i was told the more work i did on myself in the early days the better sobriety i would have...who the **** wants to live avoiding things and situations for the rest of their lives...thats not for me?
Maybe when people post they also assume you want what they have but there are definitely different levels of sobriety...some stop at a certain level and stay there and seem happy enough to do that, they dont know any better until someone tells them and if they dont want to hear it thats cool too:-)
After going to AA i wanted to find someone with 20 plus years sober who could show me what they did...this may sound harsh but i didn't feel that following someone with say 5 years was a very good idea...after 20 years of drinking, 5 years wasnt actually a long time. My sponsor did 20 years drinking, and has been sober 25 now thats someone i want to hear from and their success in sobriety is tangeable...common sense and logic really:-)
This is my life we are talking about here!
Also i go/speak to my CBT counselor once a week, he has 20 plus years sobriety...we concentrate on life skills and and issues that come up in sobriety, e.g. relationships with family, work etc...
So that means i get hardcore how to be sober, happy and free in AA and directions on living life sober at my CBT sessions.
I also read a lot, i use recovery books leveryday in the mornings that have daily readings on the different aspects of recovery, makes me think about the topic during the day.
I pray in the morning and evening and keep a close conscious contact with my HP everyday, contemplating and listening to myself ...building on my individuality and getting that good relationship with myself stronger.
I come on here whenever i can, sometimes more than others.
I try and get to an AA meeting once a week, sometimes i might go to 3...i go because i want to not because i need to anymore...
I try and do new things that i didnt do when i was drinking, to challenge myself and push through any fear...to grow...
I do all those things because i am serious about my sobriety...and i do all those things because i want to...i wanted freedom from alcohol i dont want to be staying in Hotels and having them remove the mini bar like a child, i dont want someone offering me a complimentary glass of wine at dinner and it ruining the evening, i want to be able to meet people after work and then to drink and me not be affected, i dont want a beer commercial to send me into a rage, i dont want to have a rigger everytime i smell alcohol, i dont want to not use my favourite mouthwash...freedom and that takes a lot of work, i was told the more work i did on myself in the early days the better sobriety i would have...who the **** wants to live avoiding things and situations for the rest of their lives...thats not for me?
Maybe when people post they also assume you want what they have but there are definitely different levels of sobriety...some stop at a certain level and stay there and seem happy enough to do that, they dont know any better until someone tells them and if they dont want to hear it thats cool too:-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
I'm a big fan of AA and am deeply involved in it, but I would never in a million years criticize anyone who chose to find sobriety through some other method - whatever that method is. One of the reasons I like SR is that it's NOT primarily about 12-step programs. It's useful to see other approaches here and reading about people deal with their alcoholism or addictions here helps me immensely. Keep coming back here and don't pay attention to anyone who gives you a hard time...you're obviously doing something right. Congrats on your 125 days!
Stephanie
Stephanie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Thanks everyone..sincerely...I am truly overwhelmed by your responses...I can feel the love!! I enjoy coming to SR, I'm here everyday..twice a day sometimes more..I love reading everyones posts, it has helped me a great deal....I haven't ruled out going to AA,at this stage I'm working my own program (me and God..together) and when the time is right I will go...I picked up a great book over the weekend..A woman's guide to the twelve steps....it's amazing....
I'm hoping as the days go by my sensitivity chip isn't so big...
Love you all.. and thanks so much!!!
xoxoxoxox
I enjoy coming to SR, I'm here everyday..twice a day sometimes more..I love reading everyones posts, it has helped me a great deal....I haven't ruled out going to AA,at this stage I'm working my own program (me and God..together) and when the time is right I will go...I picked up a great book over the weekend..A woman's guide to the twelve steps....it's amazing....I'm hoping as the days go by my sensitivity chip isn't so big...
Love you all.. and thanks so much!!!
xoxoxoxox
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I'm late on this but wanted to comment, because I am totally admittedly guilty of saying "abstinence is not recovery", and I truly believe that, however, I do NOT mean that in the sense of 'you have to go to AA', but more generally that if someone is merely not drinking and not working on themselves to change their lives (through whatever means, church, counseling, meetings, whatever!) it's just not 'recovery' to me. The drinking I was doing, and then not doing had really nothing to do with the issues I needed to work on with myself. It's a life change, not a beverage choice change..
Course that's just my opinion.
Course that's just my opinion.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Love on 2 Legs -
Hope you are feeling better about SR. I think most people have good intentions and are only trying to share what has worked well for them.
Like Smacked, I will go on record as saying that I believe - for alcoholics - that it is very difficult to get well without a program of recovery. I am not saying that my program of recovery is the right one or the only one, just that some sort of program of recovery is very important. I use the word abstinence to define "not drinking without a program of recovery."
The disease of alcoholism is so powerful that it requires us to change how we think - something that I believe is very difficult without some outside help.
Now, with that said, there are many people on SR who use "reading and posting on SR" as their program of recovery. Others use 12 step programs, others use secular programs. All of these are legitimate if they create the solution to the individual's problems for which alcohol or drugs was the solution.
In my case, I use a combination of programs and techniques. This has worked best for me.
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
Just take ownership for your own recovery and do whatever it takes to stay sober. Hopefully, in the end, that is the message that comes across. This is not easy so we all can do it by working together.
Hope you are feeling better about SR. I think most people have good intentions and are only trying to share what has worked well for them.
Like Smacked, I will go on record as saying that I believe - for alcoholics - that it is very difficult to get well without a program of recovery. I am not saying that my program of recovery is the right one or the only one, just that some sort of program of recovery is very important. I use the word abstinence to define "not drinking without a program of recovery."
The disease of alcoholism is so powerful that it requires us to change how we think - something that I believe is very difficult without some outside help.
Now, with that said, there are many people on SR who use "reading and posting on SR" as their program of recovery. Others use 12 step programs, others use secular programs. All of these are legitimate if they create the solution to the individual's problems for which alcohol or drugs was the solution.
In my case, I use a combination of programs and techniques. This has worked best for me.
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
Just take ownership for your own recovery and do whatever it takes to stay sober. Hopefully, in the end, that is the message that comes across. This is not easy so we all can do it by working together.
New Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
I'm early in my recovery (32 days) & the first week I was on SR all the time, except when I was working & sleeping. I'm still here on a daily basis. Due to the need of supplementing my old way of life (i.e. always on the go, going out multiple nights a week & getting hammered or just being at home having a few drinks) I turned to going to meetings & have ever since (21 meetings). I've gone to church once, it was great & will go back when my work schedule permits. Due to my schedule, meetings are choice.
I recently had a conversation with my mom & she didn't like hearing me say that I need to go to these meetings, because at the same age (23) my father made the sobriety choice as well & he was never a member of AA--I do not even know if he has ever been to a single meeting. However, he gave his life to Jesus & started attending church & became an active member. So, I asked my mom where she might think dad would be if he didn't go to church, if he didn't continue his daily walk with God. & continued to tell her that ultimately that's what AA is about, finding your higher power--because that's what sets you free & keeps you sober. She definitely got the point & understands why I need this, it's a great support group & the steps are a great way to help anyone across the wide spectrum of belief to refurbish, rejuvenate themselves &,most importantly, not take that first drink.
Also, I heard a man with 30+ years of sobriety say that when he stopped going to meetings for a while & got distracted (by life) from his relationship with his HP he drank--after 30+ years! So, it's definitely a life style change for keeps and I don't believe you're destined to fail if you are not an AA goer, but I do believe it is an amazing tool that I am more than happy to use to my advantage.
Congrats on the gift of all those sober days, I'm sure they have been joyous.
-AM
I recently had a conversation with my mom & she didn't like hearing me say that I need to go to these meetings, because at the same age (23) my father made the sobriety choice as well & he was never a member of AA--I do not even know if he has ever been to a single meeting. However, he gave his life to Jesus & started attending church & became an active member. So, I asked my mom where she might think dad would be if he didn't go to church, if he didn't continue his daily walk with God. & continued to tell her that ultimately that's what AA is about, finding your higher power--because that's what sets you free & keeps you sober. She definitely got the point & understands why I need this, it's a great support group & the steps are a great way to help anyone across the wide spectrum of belief to refurbish, rejuvenate themselves &,most importantly, not take that first drink.
Also, I heard a man with 30+ years of sobriety say that when he stopped going to meetings for a while & got distracted (by life) from his relationship with his HP he drank--after 30+ years! So, it's definitely a life style change for keeps and I don't believe you're destined to fail if you are not an AA goer, but I do believe it is an amazing tool that I am more than happy to use to my advantage.
Congrats on the gift of all those sober days, I'm sure they have been joyous.
-AM
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
Nice going with 125-plus days of sobriety, Lifeon2legs.
One general theme emerging here is that not drinking does not cure all of life's woes. Before we start sobriety, some of us think it does, then we're surprised six months or a year later when depression still sneaks up on us, or a bout of rage erupts inside us. I'm at almost 13 months of sobriety and have never in my life attended an AA meeting. SR definitely has filled some of that void for me. Still not ruling out attending a meeting, but I personally view AA as my ace-in-the-hole for the day I'm really tempted to drink. I've promised myself to attend a meeting before ever drinking again.
I do consider the term dry drunk offensive.
One general theme emerging here is that not drinking does not cure all of life's woes. Before we start sobriety, some of us think it does, then we're surprised six months or a year later when depression still sneaks up on us, or a bout of rage erupts inside us. I'm at almost 13 months of sobriety and have never in my life attended an AA meeting. SR definitely has filled some of that void for me. Still not ruling out attending a meeting, but I personally view AA as my ace-in-the-hole for the day I'm really tempted to drink. I've promised myself to attend a meeting before ever drinking again.
I do consider the term dry drunk offensive.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
First ..125 is wonderful!!
I understand what your saying. For me..I took things so personal when I first came here. I felt like everyone was pointing their finger in my face all the time. saying..YOU YOU YOU! You need to do this or your going to fail.
I do believe most peoples intentions are good. And some dont mean things the way they come out some times. Its hard to tell sometimes without the tone and physical expressions that go along with communicaiton. For me it can be.
I agree with smacked. I myself believe abstinance does not equal recovery. But it doesnt mean you have to throw yourself into a formal program.
I also believe , what works for one, doesnt for another.
But also liked smacked said. If I am going to put down the crack and still behave, and think the same as when i was using. That is not recovery. Because for me, The lifestyle is what is killing me more than the drug.
I think if you are doing things, whatever it is, to change the inside as well as the outside. Than you are on the right path.
I understand what your saying. For me..I took things so personal when I first came here. I felt like everyone was pointing their finger in my face all the time. saying..YOU YOU YOU! You need to do this or your going to fail.
I do believe most peoples intentions are good. And some dont mean things the way they come out some times. Its hard to tell sometimes without the tone and physical expressions that go along with communicaiton. For me it can be.
I agree with smacked. I myself believe abstinance does not equal recovery. But it doesnt mean you have to throw yourself into a formal program.
I also believe , what works for one, doesnt for another.
But also liked smacked said. If I am going to put down the crack and still behave, and think the same as when i was using. That is not recovery. Because for me, The lifestyle is what is killing me more than the drug.
I think if you are doing things, whatever it is, to change the inside as well as the outside. Than you are on the right path.
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