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fighting the urge to drink myself into a stupor

Old 12-06-2009, 01:54 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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fighting the urge to drink myself into a stupor

Have been very depressed and anxious today, out of nowhere. I've been arguing with myself all day over drinking it all away. So far, so good, tho the day's not over yet and the depression is getting worse. I don't want to go "back there" cause I don't want to go thru withdrawal again - I've done that enough for one lifetime. Just don't know how to deal with my feelings without that 'numbing agent'. If I weren't so anxious I'd take another nap, but the anxiety is keeping me from relaxing enough to sleep.

I'm just venting, really. I live alone so have no one here to talk to. I'm lonely. I don't want to drink but don't know what else to do.
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Old 12-06-2009, 01:58 PM
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Hi S - Sorry to hear you are struggling today. Can you take the dogs for a walk today or get out yourself? Hugs - Sarah
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Old 12-06-2009, 01:58 PM
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Snuggle up with your puppies and watch a movie, or listen to some music.
I have had my MP3 on for days now.
If your feeling down, Sometimes I just have to let it out and cry. Alot of times for no reason at all. But it feels better to just get it out.
Hang in there least. Like you said. You do not want to go back there.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:08 PM
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You know as well as I do that drinking never helps.
If you ever need the reminder go back and look at your old posts after a relapse least.

Maybe a return to AA might help with the loneliness? or some kind of voluntary work?

I know you have depressive and anxiety issues too. I think we owe it to ourselves to seek out other coping mechanisms that go beyond 'numbing' ourselves. Noone should live numb.

I know the health system in the US can be problematic but I believe it's always possible to find help...if you are prepared to do a lot of research and knock on a lot of doors.

Thinks like relaxation techniques, exercise, a change in diet, and yoga can help too.

You're not powerless least - don't let yourself think you are

D
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:11 PM
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Hang in there Least, don't drink.


Go on you tube and watch somthing funny for a while, read a book, take Horsies advice and go for a walk, do anything but do somthing.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:13 PM
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Aww, cheer up, S. We luv ya. Don't get caught up in your head. Get out for a walk or something. It'll do ya some good. Maybe this pic will cheer you up a bit and get you out of that depression.

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Old 12-06-2009, 02:15 PM
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I'm going to snuggle in bed with my dogs for a while. I can't drink while I'm asleep and the dogs are good company for me.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:21 PM
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I hope you feel better Least.

I like Dee's ideas of making changes in your life that would help with the lonely, depressed feelings.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:39 PM
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I'm concerned for you, least. Lately I've been thinking how much better you've sounded. I guess bad feelings can come out of nowhere & hijack a decent day when we least expect it.

I get anxious when it's too quiet - something I've noticed since I quit. I almost always am uncomfortable unless there's some sort of background noise. I don't know why that is, I never used to mind being alone with my own thoughts. I know you don't have tv and seem to not miss it - but maybe once in awhile would it be good to have it to snap on and just get engrossed in something? Along with the crap, there is some good escapism on there.

Whatever happens, you already know the answer can not be getting numb. I like Dee's suggestion of reading your old posts as a reminder. We are with you in spirit, S. Sending love.
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Old 12-06-2009, 02:50 PM
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Hang in there Least. You can get through today, then tomorrow is a brand new day.
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:22 PM
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hang in there least! i agree with others regarding TV... it can be a really useful tool, especially early in sobriety in terms of getting away from sad thoughts or wanting to drink thoughts. i'm not a big TV person either but i've found that renting engrossing TV series (like 24 or true blood or dexter or whatnot) has proven really helpful. at times like these a little distraction goes a long way. and for what it's worth, i know what you mean re: anxiety and depression. i continue to struggle with those things too. those are the things that made me a drinker in the first place actually. so just know you're not alone. i'm glad you have your dogs. dogs are amazing for recovery (cats too!).

hang in there! and keep on posting. i've gotten a lot out of lots of your posts & i'm sure i'm not the only one.

:ghug3
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:24 PM
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The urge to get numb isn't as bad as it was. I'm going to be ok until tomorrow at least. Tuesday is my counseling appt. I'll be alright until then. It helps to have somewhere to go (SR) when I feel crappy. I'm not going to drink tonight. And thank you all for being there for me. (((hugs)))
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:26 PM
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Hang in there Least! I'm with D, also...I know how bad anxiety can make you feel but there are other ways to cope than to drink, as you know. Get yourself any and all the help you can - you deserve it! Hugs, Jomey
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:27 PM
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I hope you are feeling better with the anxiety and depression - I understand how quickly and overwhelming they can be, and you have my compassion. What's helped me is doing just what you are; I reach out and share what's going on with me. I ask for suggestions, and I take some sort of action. I've gone to a bunch of meetings this weekend in an attempt to connect with others, and have kept busy around the house. I find that boredom really can fuel my depression. Just going out and stringing the christmas lights helped my mood today, and by going out to spend time with a friend for an hour before the morning meeting. Are you still going to meetings? Maybe that will help with the loneliness?

I'm thinking of you - you can get through this without drinking.

Hugs.
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:31 PM
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Least,

I'm glad you came here and posted. Drinking always makes it worse. Always.

For the future, can you find some volunteer work or a project to do on a regular basis? Nothing that would over-tax you physically but just something to get you out of the house and in contact with people? Maybe at a pet store or animal rescue?

Would reading to children at the local library a few days a week for an hour? Delivering Meal on Wheels to the homebound? There's got to be something you'd find interesting or at least a distraction and get you some social contact.

Honey, please take care of yourself. You're much loved here.

Love,

Lenina
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:39 PM
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I will not drink tonight. I have to take dk to her church youth group meeting and then will come home, feed the dogs, let them out, and then go to bed. Sleep is always good.
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:47 PM
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When I get like that I lay down and cry. It usually tires me out so I can fall asleep.
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Old 12-06-2009, 05:07 PM
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Girl I'm totally feelin' ya on the feelings. I wish I could crawl into bed and stay there until December is over. I'm one of "those people" who just don't seem to have anything for the holidays, too much bad stuff.

I have FORCED myself to lay down and do nothing even though I don't feel like it. If I keep running myself into the ground then I'm going to be one hell of a martyr, hee hee hee.......... I don't want that!!

Good luck, hope tomorrow is better for you. Maybe snuggle up in bed and watch a good movie? Last night I PURPOSELY watched a tear jerker. I thought I good cry would do me some good.

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Old 12-06-2009, 05:24 PM
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The cravings are gone for now. I'm going to feed the dogs and go to bed. Thank you for all your support. I know I'm not alone, and that really helps!

(((hugs)))
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Old 12-07-2009, 05:13 AM
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Congrats on getting through it. Hope today is MUCH better!!!!
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