I'm concerned for you, least. Lately I've been thinking how much better you've sounded. I guess bad feelings can come out of nowhere & hijack a decent day when we least expect it.
I get anxious when it's too quiet - something I've noticed since I quit. I almost always am uncomfortable unless there's some sort of background noise. I don't know why that is, I never used to mind being alone with my own thoughts. I know you don't have tv and seem to not miss it - but maybe once in awhile would it be good to have it to snap on and just get engrossed in something? Along with the crap, there is some good escapism on there.
Whatever happens, you already know the answer can not be getting numb. I like Dee's suggestion of reading your old posts as a reminder. We are with you in spirit, S. Sending love.