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fighting the urge to drink myself into a stupor

Old 12-07-2009, 05:41 AM
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You are not alone. Thanks for reaching out. This too shall pass.
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:30 AM
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Woke up this morning to horrible anxiety. I have an appt with my shrink today and will tell him what's been bothering me lately. Again, thanks to you all for being here for me. (((hugs)))
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:48 AM
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Well I am glad you made it another day.
I am having some serious anxiety myself. Along with stress and just a bunch of crap I dont need today. And I decided to try and quit smoking again yesterday. Was fine until today.
Hang in there and hopefully your pdoc can help.
We both can get through this.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:01 AM
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Having those thoughts again. I am going back to bed for a while. Sleep is my favorite thing to do and sleep heals most of my pains. Love you all so much! THank you for being here for me in my 'bad times'.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I don't want to drink but don't know what else to do.
You know my thoughts on this topic, least. Get recovered so that you're not in this trap of 'don't want to drink but don't know what to do.' What to do is already laid out in front of you. You've been approached by those in whom the problem has been solved. Nothing left but to pick up the spiritual kit of tools set before you. See page 25, BB.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:15 AM
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I had an urge on Saturday night (and this after two AA meetings and meeting with my sponsor). For a while, I sat on my couch and did nothing but stew in my sick thoughts. Of course those thoughts made me miserable and I believe would have led me to a drink, had I not taken action.

I now realize that getting sober and staying that way is only possible through action regardless of what program you choose to follow.

We’ve got to do whatever it takes.

Hang in there.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:58 AM
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I know all this stuff, it's only my depression screaming at me to drown it all away. I will talk about thiswith my shrink today. Until then, I'll take a nap. sleeping always helps.
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Old 12-07-2009, 11:00 AM
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yeah KJ...I'm with you sometimes the regular tools don't seem to help too much, but I'm a firm believer that when push comes to shove White knuckling it is better than the option of drinking.

Then when things settle a bit I can review what was going on prior to the urges and see if there is a way to stop the train of drinking thinking....need for escape sooner along the line.

Least...hang in there girl...we are all here for you (hug)
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Old 12-07-2009, 11:46 AM
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((((least)))

I know I've told you this before but it bears repeating. You are very dear to my heart. You struggle so hard and try your best to stay sober.

Please talk to your doctor about the possible side effects of the meds you are taking. I'm very sensitive to many drugs and have had bad reactions, including anxiety and depression from some of them. Xanax and ativan give me "rebound anxiety" like you wouldn't believe. Some antidepressants had side effects for me I couldn't bear even in the smallest dosages.

I take a very small dose of a beta blocker to control the physical symptoms of anxiety. It's very cheap, only about $9 for a months supply! I rarely get panic attacks these days and the anxiety level is ramped way down. And it's non-addictive! Please, ask your doctor about these.

Over the years I've learned some breathing exercises to relief the worst of the anxiety feelings. I also use meditation tapes to help me relax and sleep.

Something I learned in therapy that was very helpful to me was that I was confusing depression with boredom. Not that I wasn't depressed, but the boredom was making the depression feel worst.

I know you're a smart lady. Could it be you're just not getting enough intellectual stimulation? Can you take some classes or get involved in some outside activity that would help fill those needs?

Please take special care of yourself! You're important to us! You deserve to be happy and relaxed.

Much love,

Lenina
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Old 12-07-2009, 11:57 AM
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Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole."

Can you pet a dog? Do some vigorous exercise; punching bag etc.? If not maybe hang out here. Just remember; if you don't pick up it will get better. Whatever you can do to get past where you are right now. Great meditation for addiction on the "meditation podcast". You can google it. Good stuff. Remember there are alot of great coping strategies out there.
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:38 PM
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I've been napping with my dogs on and off today. Still having horrible anxiety. Appt with my shrink was rescheduled til Wednesday. I just want to get away from all this, from my life, such as it is.

I want to get away from all this. I hate my life and everything in it except my dogs. I hate myself especially. I'm useless. I don't know why I exist, cause I don't do anything worthwhile. It would be so easy to just get drunk and pass out for a while. My life isn't worth anything so i wouldn't be damaging anything worthy.

Last edited by least; 12-07-2009 at 01:01 PM.
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Old 12-07-2009, 01:09 PM
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I don't even care anymore. I just want to stop feeling all these feelings. I want to just erase them all. My life isn't worth sh!t so I don't care what happens.
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Old 12-07-2009, 01:34 PM
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Least,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't have bi-polar but from what I understand, sometimes the mood changes are rapid. I know for me, drinking has never, ever made anything better. While drinking, I just felt guilty and nuts. Afterward, the hangover and the anxiety and depression were worse. Please empty the bottle into the sink and quit before it gets very bad for you.

We are all here to support you. The mood will pass. Call your doctor for an emergency phone session.

Please take care of yourself. You are worth far more than what seems to be a solution for the moment.

Much love,

Lenina
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:27 PM
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Youre doing great. You are great. Your emotions are just lying to you right now. You contribute alot just by posting here so we can relate to you. You deserve to care about yourself and will get through this.
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:46 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I don't even care anymore. I just want to stop feeling all these feelings. I want to just erase them all. My life isn't worth sh!t so I don't care what happens.

S - You do care. We care. You are needed. The feelings will be there after the alcohol wears off and then you'll have the hangover as well to deal with and the anxiety from drinking. Your life is worth it. You love your dogs and we all know that. Your dogs need you. Your kids need you. Your daughter that is a new mom needs you. A sober you is needed. Go to the doctor and get what you need to take care of it. We'll be here for you and will be waiting to hear from you. Hugs - Sarah
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Old 12-07-2009, 03:54 PM
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Will you still love me if I've been drinking? I don't. I don't love me at all. I'm a loser and don't deserve anything good for going back to drinking. I'm just waiting for my sister to send me some of her klonopin to get thru the withdrawal. I'll have to start all over with day one. Will you still love me? If you don't you'll just be like me - I don't love me either. My dogs always love me, but what do they know? They're just dogs.
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:00 PM
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No judgement or anger here.
I see you as a person in pain who went back to the only thing she knew how to do, S.

but...it's time to learn some new stuff.
Like I said to you in your other thread S - you need help.

Drinking is not a solution to your problems and neither is your sisters klonopin.

Find a good doctor and a therapist - they are out there - even for people without much money....

and together with them start to work on the things in your life that bring you back here to this point again and again.

Please.

You deserve better than the life you're settling for.

D
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:12 PM
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I am sorry. please forgive me.
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:19 PM
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S - How could we dislike you or hate you for using the coping skill that most of have turned to for the majority of our lives? It would be very hypocritical of me to pass judgment on you. I'm right in Dee's corner on this and want you to get help and to follow through with it because I want you well. I want that part of S that gives and gives so freely here to come back. You have helped so many people and yes, I believe you should have a "Its a Wonderful Life" moment played on you. You have effected people and that's big. It means you have made a difference. I also believe that your depression is very real and it can only be treated medically. I am praying for you sister. Much love - Sarah
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:21 PM
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It hurts my heart to read your posts, saying you are useless.
Thats total bullshyt!!
I will always have mad love for you.
I have been there just like you are now.
And today I am feeling the consequences.
I am scared and forced into doing some drastic life changes.
But good ones.
I was better off feeling those cravings. At least they didnt cause me to lose my job and almost get killed and sitting in the position I am in now. Me giving into those urges did all that. It wasnt worth it.
I agree with Dee, You need some kind of help. And maybe you need to do something different than you have been.
Its not good to feel like you hate yourself and are worthless.
You need to get that out of your head. Your keeping yourself sick thinking that way.
'I know its hard not to. I feel like the biggest POS all the time. But I have a family who loves me and believes in me and I have seen what I can do if I try. So I cant be all that bad.
And we have all seen the wonderful caring person you are here. And we have seen you go long periods of time sober. We all know you can, and you know it too.
Please dont dig any deeper.
Why were you rescheduled? Did you tell them it was mportant for you to go to your appt?
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