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Not Like Everybody Else?

Old 11-10-2009, 11:25 AM
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Not Like Everybody Else?

Some find happiness in sobriety, some don't. I don't know what I've found.

I feel so alone, and... lost. Reality has left the building.

I tried to reach out for help yesterday. Nobody reached back, but I'm now essentially removed from the grad school program. They don't want me there if I have "issues."

The counseling department refused to let me change counselors (the last counselor traumatized me) until the medical doctor suggested it--I tried everybody. I have an appointment for Friday.

Housing is too busy to see me. I went 6 times yesterday, on the off chance. Nothing. "Maybe tomorrow." Yeah. Right. They promised that so long ago, it's not even funny.

The teachers... well mostly not there for office hours. One was, but she had somebody more important to talk to for.. 20 minutes. I left, cause I was getting impatient.

Last night, I had a meeting with my roommates... or so I thought. It turned out Evil Roommate claimed I had agreed to clean up... and everybody believed her. Then the RA came into the picture, and things turned bad quickly. It's majority rules, she says, and then proceeded to let them attack me verbally without allowing me the chance to defend myself. She then took me--just me, even though I have only failed inspection once, whereas the others have failed several times each--on a guided tour of the house and explained in patronizing terms how to clean the place. Then she allowed that it was acceptable for them to throw away my things, and suggested I should throw away the rest of my things.

Incidentally, the four months I didn't have these roommates, there was no problem with me.

Am I supposed to give up everything I own? I don't have any money for storage, and it seems like such a waste...

Why is sobriety so strange? This hurts me deeply, I'm fairly sick to my stomach, and it was humiliating last night to be called out like that. I wanted to drink so badly last night, but the meeting was over after the store was closed... although wine from the 7-11 occurred to me...

My life has turned itself inside out. I don't know what to do, but, more importantly, I don't know when this will end. I'm trying to live day by day but it's getting to a point where I'm afraid of tomorrow.

I guess I've left intoxication for something that doesn't quite make sense to me, and I don't like it at all. It keeps me nervous and confused. I can't trust anything anymore.

TB
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:37 AM
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My experience has been that even in sobriety life sh** continues to happen. The only difference is now I have to feel the emotions that come with it. That can be and is very hard and discouraging sometimes. Some of the things I have been through in sobriety are: Bankruptcy, losing my home, having to send my children to live with someone else, watching my two oldest children find meth and prostitution (fortunately they have recovered), have my youngest daughter shut me out of her life and make it perfectly clear she wants nothing to do with me, fired from two jobs, have a nervous breakdown, have been unable to work for the past 3 1/2 years, involved in a major accident, relationships ended, relationships started, etc...

I guess what I am saying is sometimes life can be extremely difficult and discouraging but what I have found is despite the difficulty that life can bring I know that drinking will not make it better. Drinking takes away any hope that my life can get better, through sobriety I found hope again and do not want to throw that away. There have been many times that hope is all I have had to hang onto but it has gotten me past some really rough times. Hang in there and just don't drink today and most important don't give up hope.

Last edited by nandm; 11-10-2009 at 11:57 AM.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:43 AM
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TB, I just want to reach into this computer and give you hug. :ghug3 Being sober doesn't mean things will be easier. We just have to find a different way of dealing with them. Please hang in there and don't give up.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:46 AM
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Originally Posted by thirtybubba View Post
Some find happiness in sobriety, some don't.
Just banging the drum here, TB. I found no happiness in not drinking, so I always returned to drinking. I find great joy in being recovered, and drinking isn't an issue.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:49 AM
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I really loved nadmn's share, and it's true TB. Sometimes sobriety seems like such a waste when things in our life seem unbearable.

I can tell you that I have been through things that I have gotten through with out picking up a drink and I it has made me much stronger. Things that I used to drink over at the drop of a hat don't bother me as much today.

Just remember THAT IT IS one day at a time. Just get through today, the next and so on and I promise you that you'll get to the other side, look back and go "WOW!!! I did it!!" Keep your head up, you are worth it.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:04 PM
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[Quote]I guess I've left intoxication for something that doesn't quite make sense to me, and I don't like it at all. It keeps me nervous and confused. I can't trust anything anymore.

Hi TB,

Great to see ya here, been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing.

I once heard an expression that struck me in just the right way the day I heard it and it is, "Hell is other people". Of course not every one fits in, most don't but there are those who just make our lives a living hell, hence the expression. But, that really has nothing to do with sobriety, it has to do with them and your present involvement in a situation that seems toxic for you. There is a way out, but booze won't get you there. Concrete problems need concrete solutions, and we both know that booze is just a temporary escape which yields only more problems and heartache.

Sometimes, especially when everyone seems against us, we must learn to trust ourselves, even if the voice of the masses thinks otherwise. If this situation is not right for you, then it doesn't matter what the RA thinks, the roommate from hell thinks, or the counselors. It's what it's doing to you that matters. It takes work to explore our options and make adjustments, but there are always options, we just need to find them. Start considering how you can get away from these people, even if it means leaving school, and be true to yourself, and what your real needs are. Sobriety allows us a chance to deal with our problems, getting drunk just adds more problems to the piles we already have.

Hang in there, and keep posting till you get some ideas of good ways to deal with this situation.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:06 PM
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Sobriety doesn't automtically make everything better,
but using automatically makes everything worse.

At least that is how it plays out in MY life.

We all have horrible days, super hug to you. Sobriety doesn't protect us from life, but it does leave us better armed to deal with it.

Stay true, stay clean, and come here and vent when you need to so we can support your Sobriety, and you. We will never be able to support any excuse to use...ever.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:49 PM
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Life stays the same and you just have to accept that, what you can control though is how you react to all the things that will happen anyways such as death, differing personalities, growing older, getting sick (it happens to some degree naturally), and other life certainties. Realize that it's up to YOU and only YOU to control how you react to these things. Seriously, it's liberating after a while, however the only course of action to to reconnect with those feelings which you have put on the back-burner. It's HARD and I'm still uncovering things myself but it's WAY easier without a psychoactive substance toying with your mind like potent psychedelics, hell, alcohol has caused more delusions than any psychedelic that I've tried in my experience, it's just such a heavy substance! But that's life, no one said it would be easy, but you can definitely make it ALOT more comfortable if you connect with yourself again and use that strength as a force of energy to guide you through this journey of life.

Living day to day is right, Dale Carnegie said it perfectly: Live in day-tight compartments. Staying present is ideal but being present also means that you have control over the future and how it will affect YOU to some degree. Yes, we are products of our environments in alot of ways but that's not the end all and be all. You have way more power and influence than you think, there are always ways out even if drastic measures must be taken to ensure your own health. In my case I was growing up and was bombarded with all these things that others "think" I should act like, and even though there is some truth in there living up to those expectations got me really ill. Personal power will liberate you from all this nonsense and those immature kids that you live with. Just take the steps as you aren't the first nor are you the last person with this disease. We live in North America and we're PRIVILEGED to have access to all these programs here. A bunch are free too here in Canada but I don't know what it's like in the states, however I'm sure if you researched and looked around you'd find places to help (such as on these boards ).

Oh, and you are like everyone else, you just have more experience. We're all more alike than we are different, that's just a fact, that's science. Watch those girls who you live with grow up and see what happens when they're faced with anything remotely real such as disease, see how they'll react. I'm watching a few of my peers slowly become alcoholics myself, but ofcourse they deny it saying "what's wrong with you, it's just for fun on the weekends" Yeah well, that started with me too, and albeit not everyone becomes addicted everyone who's drinking now I'm just waiting for them to realize it's an issue. A bunch rush home on fridays just to start drinking and they can't see that red flag? Pah-leez.

Take care of yourself bubba, it will get easier overtime. "Time the healer, the great concealer." -thrash metal band Nevermore said it correctly! You've got a great personality! I love talkin' with ya! Smart, funny, compassionate, and caring. You've got it made in the shade. *hugs*
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:11 PM
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Hey, 30b.


nandm's post is excellent.


Hang in there. Stick close to SR as much as you need to.
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:23 PM
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The beauty of life is its complexities, diversities and intricacies.

Being sober makes you more aware and appreciative of them all.

I have a serious complex problem to solve. There is a drunk person and a sober person.

Given that they have the same education and intelligence, whose answer would you trust/believe more?

Hang in there, what you find will actually find you. The gifts you will be given just arrive.
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:33 PM
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Sorry to hear you're going through all that, TB. You've got some great comments here, so I'll just send you a hug. :ghug3 Hope things get better soon!
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:14 PM
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Hey TB- Thanks for posting all of this. I wish I could tell you what to do. As you know our August group has been with you for quite some time now. I guess for me getting the help I needed seemed relatively easy once I made the decision that I needed it. I guess I don't know what you need to do when you feel that you are that far down. So I guess all I can do is give you a big cyber hug! But what I do know is that where there is a will, there is a way! I know you will find it if you look hard enough. Remember, if God will lead you to it, he will lead you through it!!!! HUGS!!!
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:54 PM
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I thank y'all for your replies.

Over the last 24 hours, I've been sitting back and thinking about how that all would have turned out differently if I had been drinking--and it was actually the night before when I started getting to thinking about it, unrelated to all this (I think?). And I wouldn't have been able to keep as calm under fire as I did, I probably would have left the meeting as soon as I realized the cards were stacked against me... which might have been my roommates' weapon. I only say "might have" because sometimes I wonder if they know how to play this game...

And today I went in and talk to the dept head, and he said he's not surprised I'm facing a tough time in the dorms--he said I think differently than many of my classmates, especially the underclassmen, and he mentioned a few things to assure me that he understood. It was like finding SR all over again... living in a strange situation that you figure nobody'd ever understand you, and then finding out there are others like you.

If I had been drinking, it's unlikely he would have talked to me the same way, and unlikely I would have been able to make as coherent an argument. I was good at arguing when I was drinking, but more in a classroom setting, where the topic constantly changed. One on one, any gaps in logic are more likely to come out.

So yeah, I guess it's better that I didn't drink.

And, y'all, I got my happiness back today! Don't know why, just happened--maybe that's my version of what you got, B. There may be no actual solution to my situation, so I suppose God's gonna give me as much strength as possible to get through it...

Life is too surreal to merit my full attention--I can't fight a shifting enemy with no logic--so I decided to buy an ice cream sandwich. I was already happy, but that locked it in.

Take care y'all, and I appreciate y'all's patience with me,
TB
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:45 PM
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I love it when things get better

I found happiness in sobriety TB - but I'd be lying if I said it was instant - I found relief, I found hope, but there was no pink cloud for me.

Makes sense really to me now - I dunno I was ever happy after the age of 12 or so.
But the joy and happiness came back....in their own sweet time

Keep the faith TB
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:53 PM
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So glad you're feeling more optimistic (or perhaps just not as REALLY down in the dumps). I hope I have as much wisdom as you have shown when faced with the kind of challenges you were facing.
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:54 PM
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I'm glad you're feeling better about things.

What I think, is that maybe your life is being shaken up, and it feels uncomfortable and even bad. But, maybe you will end up on a different path, and maybe that will be the path that you were meant to follow. Sometimes when things don't seem to be working out the way we want, we just need to take a step back and listen to our soul.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:11 PM
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You just have to give it time. You won't be happy every day, but tomorrow (if you aren't drinking) you get a chance to have a good day.

I find that with a good night sleep, most of yesterday's problems seem a little more solvable, more tolerable, and this gives me the right beginning to make this day better.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:32 PM
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..u ain't like anybody else..

..remember that..x
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Old 11-11-2009, 04:45 PM
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So happy you're feeling better!!!! So much love and support to you!!!

:ghug3
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Old 11-11-2009, 04:46 PM
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good days are way better than sh!tty ones!
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