Not Like Everybody Else?
Some find happiness in sobriety, some don't. I don't know what I've found.
I feel so alone, and... lost. Reality has left the building.
I tried to reach out for help yesterday. Nobody reached back, but I'm now essentially removed from the grad school program. They don't want me there if I have "issues."
The counseling department refused to let me change counselors (the last counselor traumatized me) until the medical doctor suggested it--I tried everybody. I have an appointment for Friday.
Housing is too busy to see me. I went 6 times yesterday, on the off chance. Nothing. "Maybe tomorrow." Yeah. Right. They promised that so long ago, it's not even funny.
The teachers... well mostly not there for office hours. One was, but she had somebody more important to talk to for.. 20 minutes. I left, cause I was getting impatient.
Last night, I had a meeting with my roommates... or so I thought. It turned out Evil Roommate claimed I had agreed to clean up... and everybody believed her. Then the RA came into the picture, and things turned bad quickly. It's majority rules, she says, and then proceeded to let them attack me verbally without allowing me the chance to defend myself. She then took me--just me, even though I have only failed inspection once, whereas the others have failed several times each--on a guided tour of the house and explained in patronizing terms how to clean the place. Then she allowed that it was acceptable for them to throw away my things, and suggested I should throw away the rest of my things.
Incidentally, the four months I didn't have these roommates, there was no problem with me.
Am I supposed to give up everything I own? I don't have any money for storage, and it seems like such a waste...
Why is sobriety so strange? This hurts me deeply, I'm fairly sick to my stomach, and it was humiliating last night to be called out like that. I wanted to drink so badly last night, but the meeting was over after the store was closed... although wine from the 7-11 occurred to me...
My life has turned itself inside out. I don't know what to do, but, more importantly, I don't know when this will end. I'm trying to live day by day but it's getting to a point where I'm afraid of tomorrow.
I guess I've left intoxication for something that doesn't quite make sense to me, and I don't like it at all. It keeps me nervous and confused. I can't trust anything anymore.
TB