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Old 10-28-2009, 05:15 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thanks for all of the help. I didn't find a meeting place yet because I had to go fail an Algebra test tonight. But, I did succeed in going the entire day without a single drink.
Thanks again. I'll keep you posted.
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:20 PM
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I'm glad you got through the day sober, Jason.

Please know that you are not alone.
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:24 PM
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hey, well done on day one jason and I hope you get to a meeting real soon.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:17 PM
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The best article I have ever read on what to expect at your first AA meeting. I sure wish I had read it:

Your First AA Meeting

Seriously just go. If you don't like the meeting you pick try another one. Every meeting is different.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Jason R View Post
Do you think there is anyway I can do this without my wife knowing? I don't want her to be concerned and realize that my drinking is worse than she had thought. I just don't want her to worry.
Jason, I'm a wife and I assure you that I would want my husband to tell me. I would want to support him. That being said, I'm an addict who spent her first several months in recovery without her husband/family knowing. I know what you're feeling. My family didn't know that I used drugs. Why would I want to hurt them and drag them into my mess when I'm trying to make it better?

So, I snuck around to recovery meetings, which meant that I had to lie on a somewhat regular basis. Regardless of whether I was having a good day or a horribly difficult and frustrating day, I had to plaster on the "I'm okay" face. When it got really hard, I had to cry without making a sound. Of course, going to meetings on the sly was better than doing nothing at all. However, it wasn't until I told my husband and my kids, that the shame began to diminish. When I finally told them, it was terribly painful to do. But, it was the best thing that I've done. I finally began to experience the hope of recovery.

I don't expect that you'll read this and immediately decide to tell your wife. It took five months for me to muster the courage. When I did, I sobbed. It broke my heart to tell them about my addiction and about the things that I had done. But, my family was grateful that I told them. In fact, my husband's reaction was one of disappointment in himself. After I told him, he apologized to me because he felt that he should have recognized something. It saddened him to know that I had been struggling alone for five months. Why would I have tried to do it alone when I knew that I had him and he loved me?

Does my husband worry about my disease? Yes, at times, he does. But, that's the way that he wants it and, if the situation were reversed, I know that's the way that I would want it too. My husband is a main part of my sober support. I think that's the way that marriages are meant to be. I suspect that if you asked your wife she just might agree.

:praying
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Old 10-28-2009, 11:58 PM
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Funny thing about meetings, the more I go, the lesser my chances of getting drunk, the less I go, the greater the chances.
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Old 10-29-2009, 04:55 AM
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Very true, the steps taken with a sponsor make a difference beyond belief!
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Old 10-29-2009, 08:13 AM
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How are you doing today, Jason? (I just got back from going to coffee after my morning AA meeting.)

We have a new guy at the meeting (the past couple of weeks). He shared today (we share "round robin." Of course, people are free to pass, which many newcomers choose to do for the first few meetings. But, they usually choose to share after the first week or so because, by that time, they've heard "their story" enough times that they feel right at home). Sitting across from him, I was able to see the pain on his face as he spoke. He wasn't sharing anything particularly personal or tragic. He was just speaking honestly. I immediately identified with what I saw.

It can be so hard to have this disease, Jason. Thank God we don't have to do it alone. I hope that you have found a meeting.
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Old 10-29-2009, 09:03 AM
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Christin you see and need what I need.

The EYES say so much......... I love SR, but man the eyes say it all. Looking into some ones eyes in a meeting you can see thier pain, thier joy, thier misery, thier peace.

I never could have stayed sober without face to face meetings, I gained hope for myself when seeing first hand the eyes of a recovering alcoholic as they shared their ES&H.

A real hug, a real tear, a real smile, that knowing look from a fellow alcoholic in recovery, I can tell just by looking at thier eyes they have been where I have been.
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Old 11-01-2009, 09:17 AM
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Hi all. Thanks for the encouragement. I have not had a chance to get to a meeting yet as I have been busy with my wife and other stuff over the weekend. I was with her too much to find a meeting as I do not want to tell her about this yet. I had two beers over the weekend which is a huge difference from my usual 12 pack a day. I of course wanted more but wasn't able to.
I have a busy week coming but I promise I'll call and look into a meeting during lunch this week.
Thanks
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:15 AM
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:19 AM
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What's wrong Jason?
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:27 AM
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Well I was hoping you would answer Jason, but I got to head to work. Looks like there are quite a few around this morning that can help. Take care of yourself.
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:51 AM
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Just in a funk. On top of all of my drinking it just seems like one thing after another is going wrong. I've got a miserable headache today. I'm hiding in my office this morning and have my students doing bookwork today.
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Old 11-04-2009, 07:32 AM
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I just made the call. I couldn't believe how hard it was. I dialed the phone to a local AA office and just sat there staring at it fow a minute before I hit the call button. I was so nervous I almost hung up the phone. When a man answered the phone I actually had a hard time speaking. He gave me info on a couple of meetings. One is actually only a couple of blocks from my house. I'm going to try and go to one tonight if I can come up with a reason to leave to house without my wife knowing where I'm going.
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Old 11-04-2009, 08:16 AM
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I am glad you are going to try to get to a meeting Jason. I think you might be surprised, when you do decide to tell your wife that you want to quit, she will already know that something has been wrong, even if she didn't put alcohol into the picture. I don't know ANYONE with a drinking problem (myself included) whe has been able to act "normal" to the oputside world.

Cathy
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Old 11-04-2009, 09:40 AM
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Jason I hope you can make that meeting and more, I will say this and let it lie, a secret is a very bad thing that weighs heavy upon one, especially one kept from your spouse.

Do you think your wife would be mad at you if you told her you were going to an AA meeting to help you stay sober?

I can tell you that my wife was damn happy when I went into detox and then was going to at least one meeting a day, even then she was still ready to leave me with the kids for some time after I got sober.
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Old 11-04-2009, 09:58 AM
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No I know she wouldn't be anrgry at me.
What if I do tell her and I quit going or screw up? I think it would be easier on her and I if she just didn't know until I know that I can succeed and it.
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Old 11-04-2009, 10:09 AM
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You know what you are comfortable with.....and I think you will come clean when you are good and ready and not a minute before. Try not to beat yourself up and take some steps forward to your new life. I need to do the same very soon, I am tired of the way things are right now......the BF comes home this morning and I am ducking a beer under the desk so he won't see.....can you say loser? LOL.....but I will get there....and the hiding will be gone and I will be happier. So will you my friend.
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Old 11-04-2009, 10:18 AM
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Hi Jason. I knew there would be others on here that would help you out today. As far as telling your wife only you can make that decision, but I told the 2 people that mean the most in the world to me, my son and my husband, that I will never drink again. I did this because I knew my promise to them is bigger then my promise to myself at that moment and I would go to any lengths to keep that promise. I like the accountability. That is my experience and may not work for you. We are all different on the road we take, but our intended destination is the same - sobriety.
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