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Old 09-26-2009, 09:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Honesty


Have you or anyone you know ever fibbed about clean time?
I was just wondering what some of your thoughts were on this topic.
I know people do it. And I am sure there are various reasons for doing so.
Whether you have done it yourself or know someone who has.
I am just curious what some thoughts were.

I dont think I have ever lied about my clean time.
Sometimes I wish I had after having things messed up for me not having as much time clean. Like things with the Dr and stuff like that. But then again I wouldnt feel right doing it. Because I would only be fooling and hurting myself more than anyone.

I am not here to judge you if you have or judge you for the reason why.

I am just wondering what anyone's thoughts or reasoning would be.

So whether you have or not. If you wanna share your comments. I would be interested to know.
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
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There it goes..Geez. Anything that said clean time wasnt working. I tried different titles but all had clean time in it. So I dropped that and it worked....Weird. Thx MG..I appreciate it.
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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For me to lie about my clean time now would mean (in my opinion) that I am not working an honest program. "To thine own self be true"
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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If I added up my sober time dishonestly ...I would consider
I was out of recovery.

Truth is vital for me....
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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To feel compelled to lie about your clean time is not getting recovery. No one should judge or be judged about how long they have been clean and sober. We are all in this together.
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Old 09-26-2009, 10:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Having said that.....I have lied before about it...and have felt guilty afterward. I would eventually end up using again. I don't know if this is the right time/place to say, but since I think this goes along with your post Aysha--I will say something now about this. My old AA sponsor wanted me to lie to a treatment center about my sober time.....I think you had to have a year to even be there to carry the message and i just had a couple months. I told her I didn't feel right lying and she said it was ok in this case because we were there helping others. This was at a Salvation Army type place/facility and they had certain requirements for those coming in bringing meetings. My sponsor wanted me to go. One other member of my AA group said always be sure and ask your sponsor what your sobriety date is before you go that place. That always puzzled me. I knew what my date was but they said i might have to tell them a different one--or just change the year associated with the date. I never felt comfortable with that--I felt it was being dishonest--not only with myself, but with the women there at the facility too. I quit going to carry the message at that place since I knew I didn't meet the requirements to attend there--and eventually stopped going to that particular AA group altogether.

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Old 09-26-2009, 10:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ANGELINA243 View Post
For me to lie about my clean time now would mean (in my opinion) that I am not working an honest program.* "To thine own self be true"*
..very true angelina..most people on sr(especially those in blue) know when ozzy has slipped..so i'm sometimes too honest..
i can handle that..i'm so close to complete 'sobriety'..that now its my
'body clock that tells me my 'clean time'..
..it never lies..hope that helps....love Oz..
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Old 09-26-2009, 10:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thx Ang. Thats kinda what I am looking for in this thread. Like what are reason some may do it.
Thx to the others too. I like to hear the reasoning for not doing it too. Its always good to hear all angles of anything IMO.
I have seen people do it for various reasons.
Some just for no reason at all and be ok with it. I am not judging them. Thats on their own conscience. It doesn't affect me either way. I agree with Carol. Honesty is crucial for me and my recovery.
I wouldn't be hurting anyone but myself.
And yes, It would feel very wrong. Not because of what anyone else thought. But because I would know the truth and it would be just fooling myself.
In some cases some people may lie to family because they don't want them to know they have been using. Or maybe to a dr or courts for any kind of reason. Maybe to get out of trouble or to gain something.
I am sure the reasons are endless.
I am not trying to make this topic sound pointless. It does kinda seem that way.
But I just thought of it the other night when I was posting in the chat meeting thread about my SR goal being to host a meeting. But I needed 6 mos first. It just made me think of so many times I could have gained something some way or another and saved myself some set backs had I lied.
But I just can't bring myself to do it.
I have been postponed for my procedure so many times. And going on almost 2 yrs now since I began the process because I kept relapsing.
I could have easily said I wasn't an addict from the beginning. I could have withheld a whole mess of info and could have had the procedure done a few months after my initial attempt at it. But I have to be honest about this. I have lied about so much in my active addiction. I can't lie about this. Or anything for that matter. With my recovery I have found that integrity I use to have before I became a souless monster.
And it doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks or doesn't think.
At the end of the day. I have to live with it and answer to myself. I can't hide or run from myself.
So I am just curious that some people may do it to get past some hurdles in life. Where a shorter clean time may prevent them from doing certain things.
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Old 09-26-2009, 10:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I am sure the reasons are endless.
They are in the mind of any alcoholic/addict-but they're never good or even valid reasons.You know this.

Quote:
But I just thought of it the other night when I was posting in the chat meeting thread about my SR goal being to host a meeting. But I needed 6 mos first. It just made me think of so many times I could have gained something some way or another and saved myself some set backs had I lied.
But I just can't bring myself to do it.
And just what would you have gained that was valuable when you would've known in your heart you were basing it all on a lie about your clean time? I'm sorry Trish but I'm a firm believer in you cannot give away what you don't have.I'm glad you couldn't bring yourself to do this.It would lessen you.One of the things I've always loved about you is your honesty.

Quote:
So I am just curious that some people may do it to get past some hurdles in life. Where a shorter clean time may prevent them from doing certain things.
I have never seen anyone committed to recovery 'benefit' in any way by lying about their clean/sober time.That's not to say I haven't seen people do it-both here and offline.But they have never gained, grown, become better people for it.I just see more pain, more secrets, more lies they have to try and uphold and more personal shame.I know I couldn't live with that burden anymore ages ago.It's like a double whammy if I can't be honest with the people who are supporting me in recovery and I want to be free of all that.What's the point otherwise?

Just my 2cents worth.
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Yes, l have lied to people about it for various reasons.
As long as l know the truth myself..
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Lying about something usually involves an amount of rationalization, justification, denial, & refusal of the truth.
i don't know why people do it about anything. i know why i used to do it and who helps me to not do it today.

As far as my clean time, i never have and never will lie about it. i am very grateful for the amount of time & effort i (and countless others!) have put into my life to help me achieve 3 years, 7 months, and 27 days of total abstinence. i would sooner pick up a drug or drink than to dishonor those who have helped me stay the course thus far. i would rather walk out in front of a truck than to disgrace the God of my understanding by treating my clean time as something trivial and unimportant. i would prefer to chop off my left nut than to tear my heart apart by lying to myself about such a precious gift. By the way, everyone's invited to my four year celebration on Febuary 5th!
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Old 09-27-2009, 12:28 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I just want to add. That I haven't considered lieing. When I said I could have saved myself some set backs. I wasn't saying I thought about doing it. I wouldn't even make it an option ever.
I was just saying that there were reasons that I could have easily done it. Or if I were ever to do it. Those would be the reasons I would.
Never would I lie about something like that. It's pointless and very wrong on so many levels IMO.
And yes..Jules. I try to be very very honest. And when I post here every word comes from my heart and with so much emotion behind it.
Maybe sometimes I might be too honest. But that's just me. I try to be as honest as possible. If you ask me if your ass looks big in those jeans and you look like your about to explode out of them and put an eye out. I'm sry. I am not going to lie to you to make you feel better.
I am not saying I never lied before. Cause I did alot. But also I was honest alot of times too. I have seen money laying around in peoples houses where I would tell them about it. Found drugs somewhere and gave em back. Not always but I have. About 50/50 I would say. I dont see the point in lieing about anything.
I tried lieing about my court case last year with that money from work.And it just dragged on and on. And I almost got away with it. And everything happens for a reason. I was appointed a new PD and the whole game changed. I decided to just take the plea. Not admit guilt but not deny it either and just pay the money back. And in doing so. The charges were dropped.
I believe things come full circle. And I am not claiming to be a saint.
But I am not a good lier for one. And it really eats away at me when I have.
But I just wanted to make that clear. That I have never thought it an option to lie about my clean time.
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Old 09-27-2009, 12:43 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Trish-I'm sorry if my post came across at all like I thought you were lying-or were going to.That wasn't at all what I meant.I was responding to you throwing the ideas out-the 'what if's' and responded to those....that's all.

As I said and I'll say it again-one of the things I truly love about you is how honest you are.You have always been that way since I've been here and I think it's a gutsy, admirable quality in you.You have tons of reasons you 'could've' lied, to not take a beating sometimes here for example....but you haven't done it.

I tend to take things fairly literally here, given all we have is the words we post.But if I got it wrong then I truly apologise.I think your questions are good and I'm glad you posted them.

I am a huge supporter of you, even if I don't post all that often.

Jules xox
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Old 09-27-2009, 12:56 AM   #14 (permalink)
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After all the lies I have told to cover up my drinking what is the point of lying about "clean" time?
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Old 09-27-2009, 02:00 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I know some chronic relapsers who are unsure (being polite) about their date of sobriety, although i am certain in their heads they rationalise it, e.g. i slipped and only had one beer so that doesn't count as a relapse, smoking pot doesn't count my DOC is booze, going out one time in 8 months and then keeping the sobriety date as 8 months ago...could keep going...doesn't really matter only fooling themselves!

The best ones are the people who come into meetings once every so often and, on the occasion that it may be a 12th step meeting due to the newcomer, they will share stuff like i came into the fellowship 20 years ago (good so far), meetings really help so don't stop coming back (ok good again) and then oh yeah i've relapsed lots of times and i keep coming back (cue sober person to have word in newcomers ear at end of meeting about this share!)...then when questioned about their sobriety date will say well at the end of the day whoever got up this morning first is the most sober (true but completely innappropriate given their share)...hehe...i prefer the liars:-)

Unfortunately both categories will be the first to give advice too! Easier to spot in real life though;-)
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Old 09-27-2009, 03:32 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Nope jules. Your post made me just want to clarify. I wanted to do that in the first post but rambled on already. I know you werent saying I would.
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Old 09-27-2009, 04:15 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Early in my sobriety, probably after 10 or so days sober I drank again over a weekend when my Missis was away.

I didn't exactly lie about it, but I never told anyone either; so I'm not sure if that counts. I'm not happy that I did it, but I've put the knowledge of it into a 'box' in my head and it's staying there since I don't think it really matters.

I've adjusted my AA birthday to suit when I had my last drink, but even by typing and justifying my actions I guess the box is opening.

However, my Missis is away this weekend and I've not had the obsession to drink; nor have I drank; so I'm doing something right.

Personally, I don't think it's time away from your last drink that makes you; it's how you feel about your sobriety; and I feel good about mine. It's been over five months now.
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Old 09-27-2009, 08:09 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Unfortunately both categories will be the first to give advice too! Easier to spot in real life though;-)
I think you can get some great advice from alot of people at different stages. Just because they may not follow it themselves, I think some have good things to share and contribute.
I was a chronic relapser. I also do not know my clean date. Not exactly. I know a time frame. And thats just because I dont really count days. I didnt bother to notice the last use cause I relapsed so many times. What was the use? This time seems to be sticking and I have made some huge changes that I havent done before.

I myself have not touched anything except caffeine and tobacco.
I can say and will always say that I have screwed up so many times. But yes. I do always keep trying no matter what. EVen though I have been at it over 2 yrs now. I dont think anyone gets right away. And maybe it takes longer for others. But I would really hope any person would keep coming back no matter how many times they fall. If they didnt. That means they gave up.
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Old 09-27-2009, 08:46 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I lied about my clean time before I came face to face with the facts. I lied about it every time. I lied to other people and I lied to myself which is odd because I believe in telling the truth. "Tell me the truth. We can deal with it, just tell me what it is."

Since my coming face to face with my alcoholism, I plan to admit any slip. It's part of my plan, part of holding myself accountable. I don't intend for there to be any, please God.
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Old 09-27-2009, 09:06 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Yea..I think denial could cause someone too fib about it.
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