Class of May
Newbie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by Jade19 
Blew my 10 days....back to day 1. 
I really wanted a drink today when I was sitting in the park. I think the hot weather makes me crave more though I bet if it was winter I would be saying I would love a cup of mulled wine or whiskey or something so the weather is irrelevant really.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
I think this effort really is like walking a tightrope sometimes. Sometimes we are better served concentrating on just putting one foot in front of the other (Steam) and sometimes we are better served looking down(TCM). For the past ten days, if I think back on my last episode, I see no positives. None. I started to cry with disappointment at myself within the hour and knew I had a horrible night's sleep ahead as well as the whole next day of feeling awful, both mentally and physically. I think as long as there was even a speck of enjoyment in drinking for me, I was headed toward the bottle (whether or not I realized it at the time). But it causes me nothing but pain anymore. Sometimes I even think (without thinking), Oh it's 5 pm and I could drink. Then I remember that it just doesn't do ANYTHING for me any more and the consequences far outweigh the sudden, irrational urge.
Remind me, guys, that I said this, OK? Because I can't get cocky, even a little, and think "I've made it", because too many times, I haven't.
Jade, good for you to post. Do you want to talk about it?
Hugs to all!
Seek
PS: Steam, I hope I don't have to add schizophrenia to my ills...
Remind me, guys, that I said this, OK? Because I can't get cocky, even a little, and think "I've made it", because too many times, I haven't.
Jade, good for you to post. Do you want to talk about it?
Hugs to all!
Seek
PS: Steam, I hope I don't have to add schizophrenia to my ills...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Pixy, I'm sure that is very frustrating...I posted earlier about going on a retreat by myself and one of the reasons that I feel compelled to do so is because it IS so very difficult to focus on yourself when there are others pulling you this way and that. If you are like me, I'll give to them first without even thinking about it and then discover how "empty" I feel and have nothing left for me!! And that feeling makes me anxious and the anxiety makes me drink. I don't know your situation (other than you have children), but would it be possible for someone to watch your kids, say for a couple of hours a week, so that you could devote that time to yourself? If you had a special time, then you could PLAN to do something...even something small like take a walk, take a class, have a facial...anything that you could say...OK...this is MY time, what do I want that will make ME feel special and nourished and relaxed?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: England
Posts: 1,981
Seek... Yes I have just started having Reflexology treatments once a week. I had my first one last week and it was utterly bliss to bave that hour to myself. As soon as my hours change at work I will have so much more time. I really can't wait.
I had my first night out tonight and didn't drink
I took Carols advice and arrived late and left early. I had a nice evening and cannot tell you how happy I am that I am going to bed sober. Thats a high all on it's own 
I had my first night out tonight and didn't drink
I took Carols advice and arrived late and left early. I had a nice evening and cannot tell you how happy I am that I am going to bed sober. Thats a high all on it's own Newbie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by Pixy1
I had my first night out tonight and didn't drink I took Carols advice and arrived late and left early. I had a nice evening and cannot tell you how happy I am that I am going to bed sober. Thats a high all on it's own
I took Carols advice and arrived late and left early. I had a nice evening and cannot tell you how happy I am that I am going to bed sober. Thats a high all on it's own 20 days today, almost 3 weeks. I am still feeling so tired though, I got into bed at 8.30 last night and I might crawl back into bed and get some more rest now.
Newbie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 109
Yes I hope so. I couldn't get back to sleep though so I thought I would get up and go for a walk in the sunshine. I keep getting the feeling that my legs feel like jelly (if anyone knows what I mean by that) so I think getting regular exercise will help.
I'm going to have to use those tips about socialising without drinking. They make a lot of sense.
I'm going to have to use those tips about socialising without drinking. They make a lot of sense.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: England
Posts: 34
Oh well, my resolve wasnt what it should have been and I caved in yesterday and today.
I dont want to go into details about it, but I still feel a certain resolve to carry on again. I know my life will be better without alcohol and when the same feelings arise again I hope to be better placed to deal with them as a result of this setback.
Thank you particularly to Pixy1 and JJB for their posts. I intend to join the June class if one is set up tomorrow.
Great work, everyone. Keep it going.
I dont want to go into details about it, but I still feel a certain resolve to carry on again. I know my life will be better without alcohol and when the same feelings arise again I hope to be better placed to deal with them as a result of this setback.
Thank you particularly to Pixy1 and JJB for their posts. I intend to join the June class if one is set up tomorrow.
Great work, everyone. Keep it going.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 983
You deserve a lot of credit for coming back here right away.
Forgiveness is essential for moving forward. Don't let the alcohol win, tell it to pack it's bags because you are taking your life back.
I'm still working on the forgiveness part too. But it's not going to do me any good to dwell on what the alcohol made me do. I can make myself do better.
Forgiveness is essential for moving forward. Don't let the alcohol win, tell it to pack it's bags because you are taking your life back.
I'm still working on the forgiveness part too. But it's not going to do me any good to dwell on what the alcohol made me do. I can make myself do better.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
Jade, good for you to post. Do you want to talk about it?
Don't know how to use the quote thing...hmm well I this weekend was a family filled weekend with graduation parties everywhere...I just caved. First it was two beers then the next night 4 and last night I went back to my old ways. I am SOO frustrated right now because I know I deserve better. I really feel deep in my bones that this is not what my life is meant to be. I just have to buck up and put the past where it is and move on to today...I hope someone sets up a June class thread. I have a feeling I am going to need that thread....and to ChangingMan and Steam....my heart goes out to you...I know what your feeling...hope to see you both in June....thanks everyone...
Don't know how to use the quote thing...hmm well I this weekend was a family filled weekend with graduation parties everywhere...I just caved. First it was two beers then the next night 4 and last night I went back to my old ways. I am SOO frustrated right now because I know I deserve better. I really feel deep in my bones that this is not what my life is meant to be. I just have to buck up and put the past where it is and move on to today...I hope someone sets up a June class thread. I have a feeling I am going to need that thread....and to ChangingMan and Steam....my heart goes out to you...I know what your feeling...hope to see you both in June....thanks everyone...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: England
Posts: 1,981
To all of you above!! Get back up and keep trying. I cannot state that enough!
The fact you have come straight back can only be a good thing.
This is not going to go away, the disease will change form and you wont even see it coming.
I know it's not easy, for any of you that know me ,you know I took such a long time to get a day1 with every slip I had.
I used to join a new thread every month but in the end it made no difference. The November thread is my main thread and I have stuck there sober or not. It gives me a place to go, where the guys on there know me and I get a lot of support from them. By all means start a new thread but theres nothing wrong with the one you are in
:ghug
The fact you have come straight back can only be a good thing.
This is not going to go away, the disease will change form and you wont even see it coming.
I know it's not easy, for any of you that know me ,you know I took such a long time to get a day1 with every slip I had.
I used to join a new thread every month but in the end it made no difference. The November thread is my main thread and I have stuck there sober or not. It gives me a place to go, where the guys on there know me and I get a lot of support from them. By all means start a new thread but theres nothing wrong with the one you are in
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Pixy, good for you about the reflexology. I'm sure, with children, it's hard to get time for yourself, but I think it's so important (obviously, since I have been going on and on about my own needs 
And Jade, where I spent the winter, drinking is the national sport, so I know how tough it can be to be surrounded by temptation. At the very least, I felt super self-conscious.
And to Steam and TCM, you can certainly start a June thread, but like Pixy said, it's nice to hang with those that know your struggles. I wish I could reach out to Redshift and ADAAT as well....
The thing is, most of us have slipped (I think), at least once this month, so you are not alone in your feelings of frustration. I ditto what Pixy said, the fact that you are coming back attests to your desire to stop. If it was easy, forums like this wouldn't exist. So just keep coming...
Hugs,
Seek
And Jade, where I spent the winter, drinking is the national sport, so I know how tough it can be to be surrounded by temptation. At the very least, I felt super self-conscious. And to Steam and TCM, you can certainly start a June thread, but like Pixy said, it's nice to hang with those that know your struggles. I wish I could reach out to Redshift and ADAAT as well....
The thing is, most of us have slipped (I think), at least once this month, so you are not alone in your feelings of frustration. I ditto what Pixy said, the fact that you are coming back attests to your desire to stop. If it was easy, forums like this wouldn't exist. So just keep coming...
Hugs,
Seek
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 602
HideorSeek....I'm here, thanks for reaching out to me...can I take your hand now?
I'm thinking of starting a june thread...is today too soon or do I have to wait until tomorrow?
You see I drank again yesterday and well into the night, past midnight...so today is not officially day 1 yet, it will be tommorrow...besides I like the sound of starting fresh in a new month, not to say I didn't like May. I think the people in this group are wonderful and (not to sound funny) I really care about you guys.
So tomorrow I'm going to start off as a June Bug...lol.
Everyone, thank you soo much for everything...you guys rock!!!
By the way...I poured out my last beer this morning, so I have no alcohol in the house to tempt me...yea! Now I just need to not buy anymore.
Hang in there everyone.
hugs,
XOXO
I'm thinking of starting a june thread...is today too soon or do I have to wait until tomorrow?
You see I drank again yesterday and well into the night, past midnight...so today is not officially day 1 yet, it will be tommorrow...besides I like the sound of starting fresh in a new month, not to say I didn't like May. I think the people in this group are wonderful and (not to sound funny) I really care about you guys.
So tomorrow I'm going to start off as a June Bug...lol.
Everyone, thank you soo much for everything...you guys rock!!!
By the way...I poured out my last beer this morning, so I have no alcohol in the house to tempt me...yea! Now I just need to not buy anymore.
Hang in there everyone.
hugs,
XOXO
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
I agree with Pixy there is no need to start again in a June group I think we are starting to build some kind of support system here in May.
We may be slipping left right and centre but I think that the fact we can come here without being frightened that we are going to be bashed over the head with our failures has got to count for something.
I know I'm selfish but I find more help in reading about the struggles people are having than reading about those who are finding this deal easy
That might just be jealousy though.
I hope you all hang around and we can do this together x
We may be slipping left right and centre but I think that the fact we can come here without being frightened that we are going to be bashed over the head with our failures has got to count for something.
I know I'm selfish but I find more help in reading about the struggles people are having than reading about those who are finding this deal easy
That might just be jealousy though.
I hope you all hang around and we can do this together x
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