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Class of May So I slipped with a plunk last night... a much needed dose of humillity :) Back on my feet again, hoping that starting this thread will hold be accountable for my recovery. This is technically day 0, as I was up until dawn. Hangover from hell - I hate alcohol. Still, feeling grateful and chirpy :) Anyone going to join me? |
Good idea Matt. :) |
Alright Matt, yup i'm with you! This is day 2 now...yesterday was an absolute hell full of fear, anxiety, no hope etc. It never ceases to amaze me how much difference one day makes with this ****! Just going to keep busy today and NOT go to the bars, no matter what! Hope you feel better and stay away too:-) |
Good work guys, great to see you back on your feet |
:hug: Matty |
:ghug3 Glad you're right back up on the wagon, my friend! I love ya! |
Count me in. Day 1 for me today! |
:ghug3 Least, Stoney, Angie, Marty... thanks :) Cliff and.. 4life, this is great, where's the fourth Musketeer? Woke up feeling really well, I'm free! YAAAAAAAAAAY!! :dance: |
Uncomfortable night - tossed and turned, kept waking up drenched in sweat. Finally fell asleep and woke up feeling refreshed. I can't believe I put myself through this again. I've been miserable for the past 6 months, mostly due to isolation and stubbornness - my own doing. So I'm putting together a proper recovery plan. I'll focus on very short-term goals for now, as manically barreling into the future has not worked in the past. Body: - Rest/sleep, proper nutrition, light exercise (long walks for now, would like to start jogging again soon). No booze -.- - Full medical exam, see if my meds needs tweaking. Mental: - Call my therapist, let her know what I've been up to. Survive her scolding. Commit myself to treatment; goal: change in attitude. I'm not on death row, I want to feel happy and grateful for having another chance at building a meaningful life. Boot unhelpful core beliefs. Emotional: - This is a tough one. Identify, accept and allow my feelings to flow. I harbour a lot of unresolved grief and anger. Share my feelings with safe people. Social: - Mend broken relationships. Establish firm boundaries. Give. Spiritual: - This needs a lot of attention. Reconnect with my HP, realise that it's been *here* all along. Meditation. Journal. Tools: - Seek out a SMART group in my area, or do the online course. - Seriously consider AA. - Maybe find some sort of GLBT support group. - Find support for codependency issues - this is a biggie. - I'd like to volunteer at my local hospital, at the local Red Cross or maybe even Church. - Continue to find and give support here at SR That's all I can come up with right now, I'm sure I'm missing a few things - open to suggestions. It seems doable :) |
I'm liking your plan :) Well done for coming straight back matt :ghug3 |
My mattcake :ghug3 Let me tell you hard my birthday has been. No one wants to have a "party" more than I do. I totally appreciate your post. My friend took me shopping yesterday, we went and had lunch and then we stopped over at my friend Jeff's house. Jeff is one of my old drinking buddies. In fact we all come from a "family" from a sports bar we all worked at together for YEARS!!!! We go over, go into the backyard. This is Florida mind you so the setting? Get this. We walk in there and I spot THE SWIMMING POOL!!!!!!! Then as we round the corner, there are all the boys sitting at Jeff's BAR in the backyard, with the flat screen, watching the baseball game drinking BUD LIGHTS!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't stay long because I COULD NOT!!!! But in the back of "it's my birthday" brain and on top of being a hard core alcoholic.........I was DROOLING!!!! ***For anyone reading and thinking "she shouldn't have been there"*** LOL!!! It didn't matter where I was yesterday, I just wanted to get drunk on my birthday, and thank God, I did not. matt, totally feel ya Baby!! And I am very happy to see you here this morning. Keep on keeping on brother!! :abcq: |
Heh.......I have computer issues, LOL!! :P |
Thanks, Pixy, Evan :) Nothing changes if nothing changes... :ghug3 C., congrats for staying sober on your birthday! I hope you had a good time, despite the temptation. Thanks for the inspiration and support :) |
Hi All! I qualify too, May 1st being day 1 again. I'm going for longer stretches (multiple weeks, not days), but I have yet to nail this beast. Unlike a year ago, I am fully conscious that I am doing something really stupid, one I know I will regret with all my soul, but CHOOSE to do nonetheless. What's most disturbing is that I self sabotage and drink when I am feeling really good and solid. I was reading a book the other day about people relapsing when they have some sobriety because feeling good about themselves is threatening and novel. That's pretty scary. If I drink because I feel badly about myself, and drink because I believe I don't deserve to be happy, where does that leave me? So, can I be the 4th musketeer? Please? I WILL NOT GIVE UP! |
YAY, and there were four. Yeah, some people do relapse when they're feeling good about recovery - that's what I did 6 months ago, got too cocky. It's a bit warped... fear of success, maybe. Anyway, welcome aboard HideorSeek :) |
Hello my SR friends.... It's been a long time since I've posted here. I haven't been doing so great...fell off the wagon several times. To tell you the truth, I really wasn't trying. I think it's time for me to come back and give it another shot. I drank last night...so this makes it day 1 for me. I had heartburn so bad today that it scared me. I have acid reflux so I really have no business drinking. Plus it's pretty bad when I can drink a whole 12 pack and still need a couple more to do me in for the night. After my night of drinking...I'm good to go for the next couple of days, then after that I'm right back at it again. One "big" vicioius cycle and I'm getting tired of it. I know I can do this...It really helps when I can come here for support and to give support. You guys are awesome!!! So here I am reaching out to you and hope that you can welcome me back. I missed you guys! Thank your for reading this... Lot's of hugs XOXO |
It good to have you back, ADAATime :hug: |
Hi everyone! What say we get to know each other a little better? I'm in my mid-fifties, am female, married and have 2 girls. I've got the genes for alcoholism as well as the personality traits. I'm a perfectionist people pleaser, with an over active thinker. I was a social drinker for decades and, somehow over time, became a binge drinker. Last fall, I felt as if I was really spiraling out of control, drinking every 3 days or so and unable to break out of the vicious loop. I was scared enough to know that I needed any and all help I could get. I had been attending AA, getting therapy, doing workbooks, but still unable to stop myself. I chose to go on Antabuse, because I was too frightened of inpatient, which I saw as my only other option. I needed something to stop ME, because I was unable to stop myself. While I took it, it did what I needed: I went for 50+ days without drinking and then stopped taking the pills. Over the course of the holidays, I had some one nighters (my MO) and by Feb, started back on Antabuse. Again, I went for 50+ days (but stopped taking the pills early on). Although I appreciated the mental and physical insulation that the drug provided, I knew that I would have to do it myself eventually. But again, I found myself slipping occasionally for one night. As of today, I am on my 4th consecutive day and have had slips 4 out of the last 84 days. Not a great record, but better than a year ago (drinking 2-3x/week). The difference between then and now is that I know I can do it if I just hunker down and do it. I can't allow myself to get cocky and I can't even THINK about the possibility that I will ever be a social drinker. My problem (well, one of them) is that I am a better sprinter than a long distance runner and I need to be able to sustain sobriety. Currently, my plan is to challenge myself to beat my last record of 58 straight days, to promise myself to really think through the impulse to the reality and to dedicate myself to this particular class for accountability. I hope to get to know each of you better in the coming days because I need you all. I'm certain that, if we stick together and ask for help, we can do this! |
Welcome Hideorseek! Hope to get to know you better. |
It's good to be back Mattcake79... To be honest, I never really did leave...I was here everyday doing some reading, just not posting :) Well, I'm ready to talk to my SR friends and offer my support to the best of my abilities. I love this place and all of the wonderful people who frequent it. XOXO |
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