Kelly927

I've taken a step forward...well, it doesn't FEEL even remotely forward right now, but I know it's the right direction at least.

I'm right at 23 hours since my last pill. Not that I'm counting, ha. Feel like absolute HELL.

Just need to give myself the accountability of posting this. No assistance at this point, so not sure how well it will work. Only one way to find out. Trying to distract myself, but I'm not having much luck concentrating on anything but how much I want to take a pill.

Time...please, please, please pass quickly.

ex D-Boy

welcome kelly! Looks like im a little late on this thread ;\. Just wanted to tell you that you are making a great decision and it looks like you had the foresight to see that this little "problem" wasnt going to lead anywhere good down the road.

Being dopesick sucks, i know that constant fear of impending doom. its like a pendulum is swinging down getting lower and lower on you. You know the sickness is coming and your terrified and will do anything not to feel it. Over the past 3years I have detoxed off of many different opiods/opiates. (heroin, OC's, roxicet, suboxone, fetanyl) I noticed that you said you were detoxing from pain killers, if i may ask, what type of pain killer is it??

Congrats on making it through day 1!!!!!! hopefully you should be through the worst of it within the next two days and onto feeling normal again without pills. If you ever wanna talk PM me, ive been through it countless times..~~ SCott

Kelly927

Scott: Thanks so much for your response & encouragement. Yes, impending doom is a very accurate description for how I feel right now. As for what I've been taking...it ranges from Lortab, Darvocet, Dilaudid, and Oxycontin, with the most recent addition (from surgery) of Demerol...and of course all their various generic versions.

Mark75

Good for you Kelly... Good Luck

Do you have a plan if you start getting into some serious withdrawal symptoms, like a doctor, ER or treatment center? Just want you to be well...

Mark

Kelly927

Thank you. I didn't think there would be a need for anything beyond having time available to stay home & get through the withdrawal...but maybe that isn't a good idea.

I'm so frustrated with myself right now.

ex D-Boy

Make sure you stay hydrated, [gatorade, water, or orangejuice] NO SODA. it will only make things worse. you will get a tiny sugar high than feel even worse tahn before you drank the soda.

Make sure you have plenty of fresh clothes, towels (i would sit and soak in the tub 4-6 times a day during withdrawal) Stock up on movies to keep you busy, stay on this site etc. Just basically do things to make you as comfortable as possible (i know your probably saying wtf is gonna make me comfortable you b1tch!) Its basically just things to make you less UN-comfortable I guess.

Another huge thing, dont hold back...if you feel like throwing up or dry heaving...DO IT!! it will suck for the 10 -15 minutes you are doing it but afterwards you will feel so much better. If you feel like bursting into tears or screaming at the top of your lungs because your so pissed off than go ahead. You have been numbed for a long time and these emotions need to get out.

When the anxiety gets real bad and you feel like you've been "fighting and sick" for so long and you start reaching for those pills call somebody close to you or come on here into the chatroom and talk. Remember, IT WILL, WILL pass. its just a matter of holding on for long enough to let things get better.

Kelly927

I'm trying so hard to hang on...I am completely overwhelmed with all of this right now & want so d*mn bad to just go swallow a few pills and end these horrible feelings. I've been arguing with myself all day. I'm tired of my own mind right now.

I've taken 3 bubble baths. Something about really hot water soothes the jumpy feeling. It's the sleeping - or not sleeping - that is the worst right now. I just can't sit still, but at the same time I am completely exhausted.

Thank you again for the advice...it is VERY much appreciated. Still hoping time will pass quickly...going out of my mind right now.

Lynxster

Kelly,
Following your thread, hope you are still okay? Just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for you to get through this. If you start feeling to badly, try to get in to your doctor, he can give you something to help with the withdrawal, klonopin or valium. Hang tough!
Lynx

Tazman53

Hey Kelly welcome to SR, as others have said I will add to the song and suggest seeing a doctor and being totally honest with the doctor. You have made the most crucial step in recovery, acknowledging you have a problem, I am an alcoholic so my experience is different then yours but for many the solution proves to be very similar.

This journey will prove easier by not trying and take the journey alone, trust me, you are not alone, many others here have walked in your shoes and have gotten and stay clean, why not hook up with like folks and let them share with you how they have gotten and stay clean? There are a lot of folks here that have walked the path you are on now, lean on their experience, strength and hope. I am in AA and we have a lody who uses AA to stay clean, there is also NA and several other good programs along with SR you can use to help you.

Do not hesitate to ask for help and ask questions. See that doctor!

ex D-Boy

just wanted to let you know im thinkin of you and hoping you made it through the night okay. (maybe even got a few hours of sleep) Remember, its only temporary, you will not be sick forever...and if you grab those pills you will only be restarting the whole process and have to start all overrrrrrr again.

HelpInKy

Hey, I seen you posted in my thread so I figured Id return the favor, so heres how I looked at the first few days. It sucks, it sucks really bad, but things always get worse before they get better. Also, what youre going through right now, headaches, back aches, being short with everyone, and the worst of all, wanting to take them again, itll all be gone soon enough, it sucks, believe me, I know it sucks, I was up to taking 120-150mg of codiene (12-15 10s, 15-20 7.5s, you get the picture) at a time...and heres what sells it all for me, once you get through that, if you give in, youll eventually have to go through it all over again, and frankly, thats not something Im willing to do, and I hope its not something youd want to do either

Best advice I can give you, take hot showers, and treat this just like you would if you had a cold or something.

Hevyn

Kelly, once you're through this hellish time you never have to experience it again. Alcohol was my poison of choice, but the withdrawals sound just the same. My skin was crawling, I couldn't settle down, just kept pacing - horrible thoughts that I couldn't turn off. The worst of it was over in about 2 days. Try to remember this time so you won't put yourself through this ever again. Wishing you a brighter tomorrow, free from those chains.

Kelly927

I'm still hanging on, though I really don't know how. Time has definitely slowed down. Not sure why that isn't a story on the news. I can't give in to this. I can't go through this again. I've taken more baths in the last 48 hrs than I've taken in probably the last month. It does help with the twitchy feelings. I finally got some sleep after taking melatonin - highly recommend it for insomnia. Right now the overwhelming hopeless feelings are the worst. Like I just can't find a point to anything. I know it will pass. Just rough right now.

Thank you again to those who have encouraged me...there's no way I could have made it this far without y'all & this site.

Lynxster

Haven't heard from you today, hope you are doing better? Lynx

NewBeginning010

Epsom salt in your baths are also a great way to detoxify. Best of luck in your recovery. You can do this :ghug2

ex D-Boy

hey kelly its been a few days, just wondering how you are doing with your detox. praying for you ~~ scott

Kelly927

Time to drag myself back in here & admit defeat. I'm back & hopefully will find the will to quit again, this time for more than 72 hours. I'm embarrassed, angry at myself, and so very, very sad that I've let PILLS control my life again. Pills and alcohol. Somehow I convinced myself alcohol would be a good way to ease the withdrawal from the pain meds. Could not have been more wrong.

ex D-Boy

glad your back kelly and willing to keep trying. I cant even count how many times I was sure it would be my final shot only to cave days or weeks later and get a habit all over again.

maybe you want to try getting into a detox center ? they really ease the withdrawal process and will make you very comfortable. Even if you dont have insurance and cant afford one, you can find state run detox centers that operate free of charge for you.

hope to talk to ya soon kelly!! ~~ scott

foglift

Hi Kelly, my story is almost exactly like yours, my pain scripts were for back pain and eventually i used them because they made me feel good up until they no longer provided the desired effect I used to enjoy. I to felt I needed to stop. I felt hopeless, scared and didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't go through this anymore and felt I had to go into a detox and then rehab. I learned a lot while in rehab and then i went to an outpatient program and some NA meetings. To make a long story short I have been clean for 6 1/2 months and feel great. I understand totally of your fear but I know you can overcome it. You will be pleasantly surprised how strong we are when we're up against a wall and have the desire and commitment to stop. My way might not be your way to stop but I know you can do it with a little help and education.

My best to you

Tazman53

Kelly have you seen a doctor yet and been totally honest, have you gone to NA or AA meetings?