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oops i did it again...

Old 12-08-2009, 11:38 AM
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Unhappy oops i did it again...

hi i am 25 years old and for the past last 6 years i have been battling with staying off cocaine. i don't do it everyday but i would say almost every 2 months i go drinking and i end up coked up to the fullest not caring about anything messing with girls that are not my wife and just drinking to much end up missing a day of work and it really really sucks i hate this feeling and i fell like a super loser that i cant control myself and keep on doing the same sh_t. today is tuesday my last time was this weekend did a little bit on friday after going out drinking and then again sunday after drinking the whole day in festival started drinking at 1:00pm and around 6:00pm i started with the coke and kept doing it till monday morning around 6am. missed work did lots of crazy stuff and i'm tired of this happenin again again and again i've been all these year trying to never do it again but like i said before every 2 months maybe 3 like that i go and fall of the wagon, i get so depressed after i do it and feel so guilty because it makes me do stuff that i really wouldn't do sober i come here because this time has to be the last time and i really need to hear people thaT know about this! please i seek help i've been a month without a single drop of alcohol before. ive tried a couple of things. i hope to get something out of this site right now i'm feeling like i let everyone down and myself mostly and don't know what to do please help me! pleaseee
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:52 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

You are not a loser. Addiction is not a character defect, it's a disease.

I'm glad you've decided to live a sober life.

Since you've been trying to stay off cocaine for so many years, I would ask you what else you have done besides not using? Stopping using/drinking is only the first stop. The addiction is a symptom and we need to deal with the underlying problems and we need to learn how to live life without numbing ourselves.
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Old 12-08-2009, 12:05 PM
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Hi and welcome. I think you do know what to do and that is to stop and not just for a short period of time. You are still young enough to make up for lost time. Don't wait until you can't remember your life. You've made a good decision by coming to SR. You'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 12-08-2009, 12:19 PM
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Hi! Welcome to SR! I am crackquack, and as the name implies, a crack addict. TEN months clean. MORE than ten months! WE CAN DO IT!
I agree 100% with Anna. It's not a character defect. You are NOT a loser. Media, Movies, and society has portrayed addiction IN THE WRONG LIGHT for FAR too long! It's true, we made the choice to take that first one. Millions of people have. Only a handful have been able to continue to make a CHOICE. The rest of us, our choice stopped at the moment that we did things out of character, to get high. Stealing. Sleeping with someone other than our spouses. Getting arrested. The desire to keep getting high no matter what. Addiction led us down a dark and dangerous path. Many do not survive.
Have you ever seen some of the documentaries on crack and heroin addicts still in active addiction? How MANY of them WISH they could stop, but simply don't know how. I've seen them begging others not to ever try these drugs because of their addictive properties.
Anyway, I, too, am so glad you're here and have made the choice to stay clean! That is the first step for us. Deciding to stop.
Many, MANY times, I'd go a month, or even eek out two, without smoking crack and feel on top of the world. Like I've beaten addiction. That is the tricky thing about crack and cocaine. Physical withdrawals are minimal. Once we've gotten over our slight bought of shakes, if we get any physical withdrawals, we think we've got it beat. But once the mental aspect kicks in, which can take a while, we begin to think that we can control our using. After all. We've just gone a month or two without using! Surely it's controllable. We think we're not addicts after all and have no inhibitions to go out and use. So we go out and use. I remember trying that pattern so many times. I'd think I can stop at a 40 or a gram or an 8 ball. And it would not end until my bank account was 500 dollars under. And the only reason it ended was because I was either too high to drive or the ATM stopped giving me money. It was so sad.
And I'd feel so guilty. So lonely. So stupid. My last relapse, I felt none of that. I felt angry. Angry that I gave in. Angry that I didn't use my tools and program to stop myself from using.
And tired. Just tired of doing this insanity over and over and over again. I got tired of being tired. I was racing, chasing after a high that I would never achieve. Tired of stealing. Tired of looking over my back for police. Tired of getting sick from using so much. Tired of using so much I'd wake up in a hospital. Tired of my friend's and family having to put up with it and being dragged along with my addiction.
February 3rd, 2009 was my first day of freedom.
You've got to want to stay away from the drugs (alcohol IS a drug) MORE than you want to get high. You've got to do it for yourself!
Keep coming back to SR! We've got a lot of support and information for the addict who wants to stay clean and sober.
Also, check out AA and NA! See where meetings are in your area. Being around other addicts, in person, can be theraputic itself. People like yourself. People you can relate to. People who will give you hugs, coffee, and an ear. People who can be with you and help you!
Most importantly, people who will not judge you. They've been there. Unlike non-addicts and modern medicine, they have real world experience and can tell you what works and what does not. Not everyone is the same. There will be trial and error. And some modern medicine is very beneficial. Having a therapist to talk to or going to inpatient rehab has helped many people get and stay clean.
But I've not seen recovery like I have here at SR. The only thing lacking is the face to face, personal contact. Everything else is here and there is a LOT of recovery!
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Old 12-08-2009, 12:46 PM
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Welcome here.
Boy can I relate to your post. Keep coming back.
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:21 PM
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For me I had to totally give up the booze (5 months sober today) to stay off the drugs.

I am an alcoholic but I also used to do loads of coke/drugs when drinking as I could stay awake/drink more and generally just get more mashed up.

I found that not only was I powerless over taking more booze when I took a drink but I was also powerless over doing drugs too.

Take away the booze and I couldn't care less about drugs tbh. I can see through them and they don't really bother me and as long as I keep sober one day at a time then I ain't gonna take any.


Total abstinance from alcohol is the only way for this alcoholic.
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:56 PM
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welcome to SR, nutcase.

We have a substance abuse forum too - feel free to check it out
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D
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