winwin

Trying So Hard- Don't give up on us. We are all here to help you. Keep posting and soon or later you will find the right road. I felt the same way when I started here but I keep trying. Don't give up and we are all here to help you.

TryingSoHard

I haven't given up on y'all... I just don't understand why y'all haven't given up on me.

I'm ready to give up on me, after all... so why shouldn't you be?

I do know that I have a problem. I do know that I need to do something about it. But the thought of actually DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT scares me sh!tless. And since I've not been honest with my husband, it's easier for me to ignore for the time being.

I told you I suck.

bostonluv

Same with me Jules. You don't have to be sober to be on this website.

winwin

We haven't given up on you. I hope my post didn't give that impression. We haven't given up on you because we care. Anyone who has tried as hard as you does not deserve to be given up on. We all have are trials and there are many of us who are struggling just as you are. We just stick together and soon or later we will make it. The main thing is that you do not give up trying. I can't speak for anyone else but from my experiences on this board I think they would feel the same. We are all here to try and reach the same goal. Hopefully some day there won't be a need for a chronic thread. (I think I stold that from Dee but he will understand) Keep posting and you will receive the support that you need.

Dee74

I dunno about anyone else here, but I was right where you are - ok I didn't have a husband but I had friends and family who had no idea and who I was anything but honest with - there's nothing in your post that wasn't me.

I know dealing with this sucks. I know that drinking can seem the easier option.

The thing is - and I'm sorry but it's true - this is not the worst it gets - it gets worse if we ignore it or deny it or otherwise give up.

And I guess in a way that's the way it works - if you let it go, it will eventually get bad enough so that you will have to do something anyway.

The sooner you start at least trying, the only way is up.
Don't give up

I was really bad drinking - I never give up on anyone
D

ps LOL winwin - steal away!

Ananda

If I had come to this site the year before I got sober, they would have had to have a chronic 3 hours and under thread....and I really wanted to be sober and I was trying. The effort just didn't pay off for a while.

I know how discouraging it can be to feel like it just isn't going to happen no matter how hard I tried or how much I wanted it. And the people in my life who knew of my struggle and still believed in me? Yep it kinda made it worse at the time.

But the struggle was the way to where I am today. Don't know if you get into the philisophical bizzar reading stuff...but Hamlet's speach on fighting against the arrows of misfortune was helpful to me (yes I'm certifiably wierd).

There is honor in continuing to fight...hour by hour and day by day. We are here to believe in you when you cannot believe in your self....lean on us.

ForeverDecember

TSH - One of the best things you can do is stay here! By posting here you're acknowledging that you have a problem, even if you aren't ready yet, you're not forgettting the problem, you're not telling yourself you're "ok"

I remember many times that I'd try to quit, it wouldn't work, so I'd try again, it wouldn't work, so I'd tell myself (somehow?) that I didn't really need to quit. I didn't have a "problem" (wtf?) so I would keep on drinking for months and months, feeling like crap in the morning, swearing to "never drink again" at least three times a week (after the "bad nights"), but still ignoring my addiction. I didn't feel bad about drinking - I felt bad about the stuff I did while I was drinking. I used to classify my nights as "good nights" or "bad nights". The nights that I drank alone at home were "good nights" for me because I didn't interact with people, so I didn't "do anything stupid" (apparently I didn't count sitting on the couch talking to myself until early hours of the morning - despite having to work the next day - , forgetting to feed my dog or brush my teeth, passing out on the couch or on the floor in front of the heater, drunk dialing/posting/texting, falling over, spilling things on the carpet, smoking cigarette butts because the smokes ran out, etc, etc, as "doing anything stupid"). I didn't even count them as "drinking nights". It took me a while to click that the 'problem' wasn't ME acting stupid - I lose control when I drink (yes I take responsibilty for it), but my real 'problem' was the alcohol! That I can't control myself WHEN I drink. But I can control myself BEFORE I drink. So I can chose, control the decision, not to start drinking. It's seems like such an obviuos thing now - "instant idiot, just add beer", but during my drinking times I honestly thought that if I behaved myself while I drank I was ok, and didn't have a problem.

I don't know if I'm making sense (lol!). Just - I have known for years about my addiction, but I only chose to acknowledge it when I was trying to quit. By staying here you're ackowledging it - and that will help you! If it helps you drink one less glass of wine, or go one more hour before opening the bottle it's a good thing. Maybe next time you'll wait an extra couple hours... then eventually you might decide to take the 'night off' from drinking.

Stay strong. Stay here. Stay accountable.

Jules62

Because I have been you-and I know you're not hopeless or beyond help.I know how miserable it can be-wanting to stop yet feeling utterly powerless to. I also know how incredibly lonely it is-and I don't want you to suffer that way.I feel for anyone suffering this alone.You belong here-with us-whether you keep drinking or decide to stop.I'm not judging you or giving up on you.And believe it or not-we need you here too.Every one of us needs each other in this journey.

I was thinking about you earlier and remembered what a very dear friend said to me when I was ready to give up on myself too.They said 'Let me hold your hand while you find your feet' .....I think that's exactly what we do here at SR-and another reason why you should stay.

Julesxox

bostonluv

Wow. I'm really blown away by the insight and support that has been shared on this last page here.

TryingSoHard

Yeah... I know. I agree. I'm trying my hardest not to ignore it or deny it. I'm trying to face it. A little at a time... I have no choice but to face it.

Thanks. Really.

TryingSoHard

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

TryingSoHard

I'd kiss and/or hug you right now if I could.

TryingSoHard

You and me both, Boston.

But I hope you're having a better night than I am.

Dee74

I think others said it better than I could TSH - I was trying to get across I *was* you

if I had had SR back then maybe I wouldn't have fallen so far...and be such a grumpy old hardass now LOL.

this is a great resource - pls...just use it, ok?
D

bostonluv

I'm not. That's why I'm here and just listening.

TryingSoHard

All I can say to this right now is... thank you. Honestly.

I see myself in a lot of what you wrote. So, thank you.

TryingSoHard

I'm trying to use it.

I just don't want to ABUSE it. I don't want to take something that's not rightfully mine, ya know?

Dee74

don't let the little voice get to you - it'll use what it can to get you to drink - especially self doubt.

This site is made for you, and me, and everyone else who struggles.

If it was just a back slapping club, we'd have no need for it
I want help not backslaps dammit LOL

D

TryingSoHard

Self, if you or Eclipse or Boston or anyone else are willing to give me your cell number... I will call you or text you when I am tempted to drink. If that's not ok I totally understand but if so... maybe we can help each other? Just let me know.

bostonluv

I'll PM you my cell number. No problem.