For those CHRONICALLY less than 2 weeks sober Part 2
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Bradster, there's a great little saying from a Persian poet. It's about religion, but fits so well for people in recovery that you may have already come across it.
"Ours is not a caravan of despair. No matter how many times you've broken your vow. Come, come again."
I think it's a great image--maybe because caravans have wagons?
"Ours is not a caravan of despair. No matter how many times you've broken your vow. Come, come again."
I think it's a great image--maybe because caravans have wagons?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I promise I'll be nice-LOL-but I just wanted to add this(from someone who has relapsed many, many times in the past year-I hope that qualifies me here 
)
One of the hardest parts of recovery for me has been when I'm feeling good.And it seems so bizzarre doesn't it?It's easy to find some logic in drinking when we're angry or upset.....but to want to drink cos I'm feeling good?WTF is up with that?
But what I realised was-I'm so not used to feeling happy/content on a consistant basis.Drinking kept me in my misery-my depressed state and when I stopped (after getting through the initial physical withdrawal/major cravings etc) what I found was-I don't know what the hell to do when everything is actually 'okay'.It was all new territory for me and I was.....scared!
So what did I do?(many times-the last time after 3 mostly happy months sober) I went back to what was familiar.Drinking.And on and on it went.....
Dancingirl-I really related to your post because of this.I have nothing harsh to say to you-I just want you to know I understand but I also want to tell you that you DO have a choice here.Everything in your life is good-and maybe that's what's getting to you? It's never been so clear to you before that life can be this way and that you don't actually need the crutch of drinking-but it's scary too because maybe, like me, you're used to something crappy happening eventually....'This is too good to be true-it can't last-so I'll drink to feel some control.Make it worse myself rather than have to deal with it happening from an outside source'?
I'm not saying this IS how it is for you-I just wanted to share my experience in case it helped.You really don't have to drink-but yes it's hard to make that decision sometimes.I know.
It's okay to smack me in the knees if I'm wrong here, too.Bostonluv said so.....LOL (She didn't really-but I'm sure she'd approve-LOL kidding, kidding)
I wish you well,
Julesxox
)One of the hardest parts of recovery for me has been when I'm feeling good.And it seems so bizzarre doesn't it?It's easy to find some logic in drinking when we're angry or upset.....but to want to drink cos I'm feeling good?WTF is up with that?
But what I realised was-I'm so not used to feeling happy/content on a consistant basis.Drinking kept me in my misery-my depressed state and when I stopped (after getting through the initial physical withdrawal/major cravings etc) what I found was-I don't know what the hell to do when everything is actually 'okay'.It was all new territory for me and I was.....scared!
So what did I do?(many times-the last time after 3 mostly happy months sober) I went back to what was familiar.Drinking.And on and on it went.....
Dancingirl-I really related to your post because of this.I have nothing harsh to say to you-I just want you to know I understand but I also want to tell you that you DO have a choice here.Everything in your life is good-and maybe that's what's getting to you? It's never been so clear to you before that life can be this way and that you don't actually need the crutch of drinking-but it's scary too because maybe, like me, you're used to something crappy happening eventually....'This is too good to be true-it can't last-so I'll drink to feel some control.Make it worse myself rather than have to deal with it happening from an outside source'?
I'm not saying this IS how it is for you-I just wanted to share my experience in case it helped.You really don't have to drink-but yes it's hard to make that decision sometimes.I know.
It's okay to smack me in the knees if I'm wrong here, too.Bostonluv said so.....LOL (She didn't really-but I'm sure she'd approve-LOL kidding, kidding)
I wish you well,
Julesxox
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Hi Ksplash - keep coming back... keep collecting days clean and sober. One day at a time... Or one hour at a time, or one minute at a time - whatever it takes for you.
Im just realised that out of the last two weeks I've only been drunk once. That's amazing for me! I used to be extremely pleased with myself if I could spend 2 nights a week sober! I know I couldn't have been going this well with out SR. The amount of times I've tried before and never gotten past day 5... and now, well I'm only on day 4 now, but still! I feel like I can do it this time.
Im just realised that out of the last two weeks I've only been drunk once. That's amazing for me! I used to be extremely pleased with myself if I could spend 2 nights a week sober! I know I couldn't have been going this well with out SR. The amount of times I've tried before and never gotten past day 5... and now, well I'm only on day 4 now, but still! I feel like I can do it this time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
because maybe, like me, you're used to something crappy happening eventually....'This is too good to be true-it can't last-so I'll drink to feel some control.Make it worse myself rather than have to deal with it happening from an outside source'?
And yes, I do approve
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
You're welcome Boston.And yeah-it's really only something that occurred to me after I lost 3 months.That really sucked and I was just mortified.But there was a gift in that in the end. Possibly why I'm such a happy cheery individual these days......LMAO!
(I didn't think you'd mind me mentioning you.Thank you!)
Jxox
p.s Thanks Dee!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 23
Ok i'm really going to go 20 days this time. Why 20 days? because it will be a personal best for i don't know how long, probably all year.
There's been plenty of times i've gotten up to a week, once even about 15 days but this time i'm really going to try and get past 20.
I'll try and post at the end of every day, as that way i might feel somewhat more accountable for myself. One day at a time. After that who knows, will I reward myself with 'just one more time' of drinking or try and keep going?
There's been plenty of times i've gotten up to a week, once even about 15 days but this time i'm really going to try and get past 20.
I'll try and post at the end of every day, as that way i might feel somewhat more accountable for myself. One day at a time. After that who knows, will I reward myself with 'just one more time' of drinking or try and keep going?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Jules.....wow...thanks for the long post! I think you've hit so many things right in the head with that one! I think that I absolutely DO feel like by not drinking, there's a feeling of "oh god, when's everything going to go wrong?!"...and if I drink, it'll be all here and 'normal' to me again. I think that I would feel in control again...which I know is f-ed up, 'cause I never felt in control while drinking!
You've given me a lot to think about....thank you! But I can't make promises at this point...I think I'm just not done yet....
You've given me a lot to think about....thank you! But I can't make promises at this point...I think I'm just not done yet....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
i'm going to read jules post after this
am glad to report i made it to DAY 2. i'm feeling pretty good; talking again. I noticed that I felt a little 'too good' earlier today and settled myself down. need to stay balanced.
i can really relate to the discussion about relapsing when things are going well and things are feeling good. One of the things I've noticed when thjat happens is that I forget about the pain. i forget about the helplessness of being a slave to my addiction. i forget about the isolation and lonliness.
I need to be active in my "recovery plan" when things are going well or i probably don't have a chance. I have to develope a new habit, the habit of doing the next right thing.
thanks everybody for your posts today; they uplifted me just now and gave me some focus and let me know that there are others out there just like me, trying over and over to get clean and sober
am glad to report i made it to DAY 2. i'm feeling pretty good; talking again. I noticed that I felt a little 'too good' earlier today and settled myself down. need to stay balanced.
i can really relate to the discussion about relapsing when things are going well and things are feeling good. One of the things I've noticed when thjat happens is that I forget about the pain. i forget about the helplessness of being a slave to my addiction. i forget about the isolation and lonliness.
I need to be active in my "recovery plan" when things are going well or i probably don't have a chance. I have to develope a new habit, the habit of doing the next right thing.
thanks everybody for your posts today; they uplifted me just now and gave me some focus and let me know that there are others out there just like me, trying over and over to get clean and sober
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
But what I realised was-I'm so not used to feeling happy/content on a consistant basis.Drinking kept me in my misery-my depressed state and when I stopped (after getting through the initial physical withdrawal/major cravings etc) what I found was-I don't know what the hell to do when everything is actually 'okay'.It was all new territory for me and I was.....scared!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I'm glad my post helped.I appreciate it's a lot to absorb (my god I can ramble sometimes-LOL) but yeah-feeling 'good' really is a strange one for me-but I'm learning not to feel so afraid of it anymore and to have some faith that I will be okay no matter what life throws at me.It's a slow process though and I do understand wanting to drink in order for things to feel 'normal' again.It's just that for me-if I pick up again?I'll probably end up dying from it.It got that bad.You really do have to be 'done' with it and what gets us to that place seems to be different for each of us.
Julesxox
Julesxox
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
I'm starting to think I need to just abandon SR until I'm ready to get serious. Even though y'all are so very understanding, supportive, and helpful... here I am, drinking again, after only 1 day sober. And it was a conscious decision to drink. Nothing in particular set me off. Nothing happened.
I don't deserve your support. I don't deserve your kindness.
I should just leave and come back when I'm serious.
I don't deserve your support. I don't deserve your kindness.
I should just leave and come back when I'm serious.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hi TSH. I was still drinking when I joined SR a little over a year ago.I wasn't ready to give it up and was honest about that and yet everyone here gave me nothing but support and encouragement.
I knew I had a problem-I think anyone who comes here knows that to some degree or another.I guess what I'm saying to you is you are always welcome here.You do deserve kindness and support-you're struggling and we understand.You may not be serious enough about it yet-but you don't have to leave either.
There will always be support here for you-and anyone else still suffering from this disease.You don't have to be alone.
Julesxox
I knew I had a problem-I think anyone who comes here knows that to some degree or another.I guess what I'm saying to you is you are always welcome here.You do deserve kindness and support-you're struggling and we understand.You may not be serious enough about it yet-but you don't have to leave either.
There will always be support here for you-and anyone else still suffering from this disease.You don't have to be alone.
Julesxox
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