TryingSoHard

Congrats to Boston and least!!!

Day 1 here. And this time I'm not going to muck it up. I've had my "fun" the past few days and I'm sick of it. Time to get this show on the road.

Isaiah

Day 2!

I am absolutely terrified, but not about impulses to drink. This day will be one moment at a time right to the end of the night when I lay my head down--sober and content.

What scares me is all the catching up I have to do this week. I sort of put off everything for a week to bury some recent traumas under alcohol. Almost forgot that I need to find a second job soon! Eek!

I hate job searching. It's not as bad as having to fix all your social, financial and legal problems because you were an alcoholic, but still... stinks.

bostonluv

Yes! That would be so cool! In 26 days let's throw you and sobergirl a party!!

SelfSeeking 10 days is awesome - especially on this thread tee-hee Seriously 5 more days and you can come back here to cheer on others!!!

Isaiah - I'm glad you're here and posting. Looking for another job will keep you occupied so it may be a blessing.

dancinggirl

Guys...I think I'm coming back here soon. I'm on day 39 and I just do NOT see this continuing! I feel I'm holding on by my fingernails. One second I think that I can do this...and the next 20 minutes I think there's no friggin' way!

TryingSoHard

Awww, Dancing... *hugs*

YOU CAN YOU CAN YOU *SO* CAN!

I know what that roller coaster feels like... one minute feeling strong, the next minute questioning yourself. Ride it out. Others have said just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time if you need to. 39 days - you're doing SO great. Think about that when those tough 20 minutes roll around.

dancinggirl

TSH: it's just that I get 20 minutes of hard...and only one second of good...and then anther 20 of hard. I just don't think I'm strong enough for this. I know deep down that it's supposed to be for forever, not just this day...and I can't imagine never drinking again.

TryingSoHard

I can't imagine it, either. It's scary and it's overwhelming and it changes everything. I understand. That's why we can't think about that right now, it's too hard.

Try to focus on all the GOOD things that have happened over the past 39 days. Think about waking up with a clear head, no hangover. Think about positive changes that have taken place.

Listen to upbeat music. Find a good book to read. Watch a favorite movie or tv show (I'm sitting in bed watching my Friends DVDs right now). ANYTHING to make the time pass without taking a drink.

I know, I'm one to talk... I'm on Day 1 for the 4th day in a row now. But I plan on tomorrow being Day 2. I'll do this with you.

Isaiah

Alcohol is only a sensation of everything being okay. It's not real. Whatever is hard today will still be hard tomorrow, or worse. Life will always make us pay debt to our responsibilities. Alcohol makes us deny that the bad things are around when we don't feel them, but we always sober up and realize they are.

Living in an unending state of alcohol induced euphoria is just impossible. There has to be something else. I honestly feel that what we are going through is similar enough to be able to say that our experience is collective. If you make it, you testify that I can make it. Vice versa. I'm not drinking for me, and I'm not drinking because I want to give you hope that you don't have to.

dancinggirl

THat's what's so weird about all this to me! I don't drink because of stress, or upset, or anything like that. I don't have any reason at all TO drink! Yet I want to so badly! I have a perfect damn life...seriously, I have great family, good friends, a job I love...and I still sooooo desperately think that there's no way I can continue not drinking for much longer.

I do agree with you, Isaiah, about the collective experience. It really has helped me get to this amount of days (only 39) by being in that Class of July group. I just dont know how many I can add on.

TryingSoHard

That is one of the nicest things I've heard in a long time.

TryingSoHard

Just add today. That's all. Today.

Isaiah

I know. I think reasons/triggers are played up too much sometimes. We tend to forget that sometimes we would just drink for the heck of it, because drinking around memorable things is well... more memorable. There's no anchor to put the day-to-day, "just because" drinks

If nothing else, there is a pattern/a habit. I have this funny habit that I only smoke when I'm in a car. I could go forever without a cigarette so long as I never drive anywhere. I can be madly stressed, but still not even think about having one (unless the stress is road rage.)

I don't like uncertainty myself. The idea of never drinking again scares me like the notion of marriage and choosing a career scares me. I'd rather just say that I'm sober now, and that I have no *plan* of a next drink.

That is still intimidating, but it at least has the possibility of some good. I believe that being sober will get easier, overall. Maybe a little rollercoaster day-to-day, but with the whole trend being sober=nice. I already know for sure what a commitment to drink entails, and I have to remind myself all the reasons why I'd rather have a little uncertainty than the certainty of going through constant jobs, courts, hospitals and relationships.

I wish you the best.

HideorSeek

Hi all: I agree that the collective strength here is an inspiration. I'm only on day 5, but already I feel my soul is a little fuller with self-esteem. I don't want to lose that, I don't want to post that I lost it, I don't want to disappoint either you or myself, I want to keep feeling well physically, I want to KNOW that a sober life is better than a drunken one, I want all my hopes and dreams to come true. I want the serenity that I know will come with time.

All of these "wants" are keeping me going. And when I have issues, or bad thoughts and feelings...what's the phrase?? Something like there is NO situation bad enough that won't be made worse by drinking.

I love you all.

bostonluv

Oh my gosh, I was just trying to explain that to my boyfriend last night. He said, when you have a stressful day, when things are hard and I said, mostly it's the opposite, when I feel really good is the most dangerous time of all. It's weird.....

lyddie

You are so right. When I am feeling stressed, I am more aware that that little voice will start chanting have a drink, have a drink. When I am feeling good and especially feeling good after a few days of not drinking, then I am more susceptible to acting on the impulse. I say to myself Why Not? I've been good, I feel better, why not?

HopeTo180

I'm on day 2 and had a wonderful thing happen today which called for celebration! Out of habit, I thought of getting a 12 pack. No way I said! I should celebrate, not slowly kill myself like I'd been doing the past two years. After telling myself this I realized that drinking to celebrate a good event was almost like I didn't deserve it. like I was trying to even the score. Did I dislike myself that much? Was that the reason I drank? I love myself, and if I keep saying it enough, maybe I'll believe it. Wow. I want more good things to happen. Each day is good, it's up to me to see it.

SelfSeeking

I'm so glad I came to this thread just now. I was craving bad. Now... less so

Thanks!!

Bradster

Dear Lord the title is appropriate. I had two days sober and they were very chronic, lol, although I realise now I'm only drinking to feel sane, and that is insane. Sorry I bought a few bottles of wine today - day one tomorrow, again sorry. I didn't follow the advise on here sorry, although I've made an appointment.

ForeverDecember

Hi all day 4 now. Boston - I did end up smoking and having a bacon, egg and cheese toastie for tea lol! But not alcohol.

Dancinggirl - I'll be thinking of you today. Stay strong. Like TSH said - just add today.

Isaiah welcome to the thread. I'm glad to see you here, you've written things that have a way of putting thigns into perspective. Thank you.

bostonluv

Yea! Glad to see your spirits up Forever December!

Welcome Bradster. No apologies necessary here. Enjoy your wine and start tomorrow.

Hope - Nice to have a victory isn't it? I'm glad you made the right choice for yourself.

Thinking of you Dancing Girl.......Just dropped by to see how everyone was doing. You all sound UP. That's great.