I promise I'll be nice-LOL-but I just wanted to add this(from someone who has relapsed many, many times in the past year-I hope that qualifies me here
)
One of the hardest parts of recovery for me has been when I'm feeling good.And it seems so bizzarre doesn't it?It's easy to find some logic in drinking when we're angry or upset.....but to want to drink cos I'm feeling good?WTF is up with that?
But what I realised was-I'm so not used to feeling happy/content on a consistant basis.Drinking kept me in my misery-my depressed state and when I stopped (after getting through the initial physical withdrawal/major cravings etc) what I found was-I don't know what the hell to do when everything is actually 'okay'.It was all new territory for me and I was.....scared!
So what did I do?(many times-the last time after 3 mostly happy months sober) I went back to what was familiar.Drinking.And on and on it went.....
Dancingirl-I really related to your post because of this.I have nothing harsh to say to you-I just want you to know I understand but I also want to tell you that you DO have a choice here.Everything in your life is good-and maybe that's what's getting to you? It's never been so clear to you before that life can be this way and that you don't actually need the crutch of drinking-but it's scary too because maybe, like me, you're used to something crappy happening eventually....'This is too good to be true-it can't last-so I'll drink to feel some control.Make it worse myself rather than have to deal with it happening from an outside source'?
I'm not saying this IS how it is for you-I just wanted to share my experience in case it helped.You really don't have to drink-but yes it's hard to make that decision sometimes.I know.
It's okay to smack me in the knees if I'm wrong here, too.Bostonluv said so.....LOL (She didn't really-but I'm sure she'd approve-LOL kidding, kidding)
I wish you well,
Julesxox