phoebe64

Well, I wish I could say I do something healthy to get through it. I didn’t, am not. I got upset, angry, yelled at my 17yo ungrateful son, and drank the past two nights. Mixed in there, I did a few things right, like reminding him about having respect and empathy for others. I think I said good things there. I asked my husband to talk to him about his antisocial teenage behavior.

I’ve otherwise caused myself terrible anxiety by the drinking, and wallowed in self pity. In case there was any doubt, I’ve confirmed the fact for the umpteenth time that there no chance in hell that I’ll ever drink in moderation. I’ve neglected to shower and provide myself with loving self-care.

So, I guess I’m documenting this here as a lesson in exactly how to not deal with a low mood. I suppose I could actually use this to come up with a list of healthy ways to deal with my feelings next time.

I did get myself a pizza on DoorDash yesterday, with MY favorite toppings, and grabbed chocolate I was craving on Monday. The pizza was soggy. 😕.

So, plan for today is to shower, get some sunshine, reclaim my sobriety, and maybe find a nice place to get some fresh air. I’m not having luck finding beachfront rooms at a time when I can go away.

Thanks for the love my friends. 💕. I’ll be ok.

venuscat

Maybe getting back into your jewellery making would be fun dear Phoebe.
And give you something just for you. s

phoebe64

Thanks, Suze. I’m just not feeling it these days. Haven’t done much with it for years. It’s also in the basement, which is dire need of purging, cleaning, painting, redecorating. It’s not currently a stress reliever to be down there, lol.

venuscat

Oh no, of course not s
I was just thinking that it would be nice for you to have your own thing and I know how creative you are. xx ❤️

OneThingAtATime

Phoebe, I am so sorry you are going through this. I tried to respond to you twice this afternoon and got disrupted. I was at first so annoyed and then it hit me that two people in my family really want me and need me!

I so understand what you are going through. Cookies, ice cream, chips yesterday, not good for me. Then a good dinner and the inability to say not to my husband and a glass of wine 😬. Today has been not a whole lot different, some old chocolate cereal for lunch??? What am I doing to myself. I dread tomorrow when I get my dress. I just can't possibly try it on. I have cash for her and I will just explain the situation to her. It might help. I am not sure. This is a small town and it will get around.

I also have to get out of this funk. I was reading different things I can try and it would just be healthy for me to get out of this house other then medical appts. I need to squeeze that one in.

I am going to try to do better this evening. I really don't feel like drinking tonight, it really does effect me more then I thought. It is not healthy for me, it effects me now more then ever and I don't need more health problems.

I also feel horrible about my son and at this point, there is not a thing I can do. I have tried so many times to get him to show respect toward me and it just doesn't happen. I know her unhinged tirade, which took 10 screen shots to save, was not his fault, but getting her in line was his responsibility. Standing up to this narcissistic nut ball just set her off further and there is no winning, just documenting her tirades. If she attacks us any further, which I doubt, but could happen, then maybe we may need to take action toward her. If my son ever tries to leave her then we have evidence of how she has tried to separate him from his family.

I don't know, it is hard. Feeling your feelings is important so that you do get them out is important, even if you journal them and come back to them at another time might help. I know at times that has helped me. Just know that you are a good mother, none of us are perfect, but we do our best and give our all and that is all we can do.

If you want to message me, feel free to. I don't have a lot of answers but I do have an ear to hear you.

As for me, my declarations have not helped lately, but I sure don't want to drink tonight so I am sure it wont happen. I just have to start fighting AV again. I unleashed my own Kracken and that beast needs to be put back in it's place.

OneThing

venuscat

Oh dear One Thing.....breathe.....it sounds like you are having a thought attack and it is making you spin here. s

So stop and breathe, and know that it is going to be alright.
And we can work all of this out with you.....one thing at a time.

Don't drink. That comes first. It makes everything worse. s

Don't worry about the dressmaker....you do not have to tell her anything other than you are not able to try the dress on tomorrow. She can leave it and you can pay her and organise to see her later for alterations maybe? xx

Your son and this whole situation is upsetting but you did what you needed to do here and now it is time to look after you and your husband, your daughter and Petey. ❤️

Oh, and even if we are minions, we do need to get out for short walks....we can be minions together, we can even text each other as we are in the same time zone. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dee74

I'm glad you're back with us Phoebe
Therapy sounds like it could be good for you OneThing?

hi Suze

​​​​​​​D

venuscat

Hi Dee ❤️

OneThingAtATime

Venus and Dee, thank you! ❤

phoebe64

Thanks Dee, Suze, Onething. I had a nice nap this afternoon. My son seems to be trying to be more sociable and polite.

Onething, I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. 💕.

Willow00

((((Phoebe))))

(((((One Thing)))))

Sending big hugs to you both ❤️ I really feel for you both
Teenagers can be revolting. And sometimes they don’t improve when they grow up….

I was in bed early with an awful stress headache last night (long story but I’m working through work related stuff. The thought of drinking definitely crossed my mind on the way home from work despite the headache, but I went to bed with some paracetamol instead.

Plenny

So sorry to hear of the stresses. The thing after not drinking, is self forgiveness I think. The harder we are on ourselves the more stressful it gets. Then the harder it all is to take.

OneThingAtATime

Thank you all! Yes, I was a bit upset yesterday. I am glad your son is acting better Phoebe.

I did get a good night's sleep and that sure does help. No drinking last night helped too. I just have to get through today and that will be hard. This dress was the biggest expense we cannot cancel, so that isn't bad. She was very understanding about my situation to begin with so I am sure it will be fine. I am mad, I am embarrassed and I just feel bad over this situation, but I have to get passed it.

We are finally going to get our electrical work inspected today also. There are a few things that my husband doesn't think will pass. None of them are major but he did take pictures of them and sent them to the company who did the work and asked if they might not fix them before the inspector comes out with them. We never heard back, so we will see if this does pass inspection. We do have an 18 inch deep trench going through our back yard that has not been filled yet so the inspector can make sure that work has been done properly. If it doesn't pass today for the other things, that hole might not get filled. I do hope that is not the case.

I will get through today, and do something constructive. Getting back to life should help. I also found some therapists who accept my insurance. I talked to my husband about it and the poor guy asked if he had to go. He didn't have good luck with his marriage counselor before he divorced. He is such a sweet man and that counselor sided with him, his ex got mad and filed for divorce. That divorce hurt him deeply. I told him no. I need to get myself together and be a better wife to him.

I do hope everyone has a good, sober day.

OneThing

venuscat

Good morning dear One Thing. s xx

OneThingAtATime

Ok, this was not too hard, I have an appt for tomorrow morning with a therapist. They are not doing in person visits, but they are doing video calls. I feel somewhat better to have this appt. It may make my afternoon easier as far as getting my dress is concerned. My husband has his brain MRI tomorrow and I will not be able to go with him, but there isn't a lot I can do for him other then sitting in the car waiting for him anyhow...

This is a good thing, a positive step forward.

venuscat

It really is

OneThingAtATime

Well, I got my dress 😔 and she a beautiful job on it. I did not try it on and she certainly understood. She is such a lovely lady and I showed her the texts that I got. She didn't read through the whole 6 page tirade (my husband printed it out and that is what it came out to). I didn't even read the big tirade to begin with. There is so much that one person can take in.

The status of fiancé's mental health is definitely a question and she agreed that I can't be the only one she done this too. The seamstress was surprised that her mother didn't call me and explain what was going on. I didn't think of that. I never met the woman so that is part of the reason. We both agreed that if our daughters did that and we knew about it, that we would certainly reach out and apologize in some form. I just don't know. I know she is 37 and that is a bit old to apologize for your adult child and yet at 27 my daughter wrecked our car with a friend in it and I certainly reached out to her mother, but she also lives with her parents. My daughter was careless, it was at night, busy talking and hit a tree to avoid a car. Thankfully neither girl was hurt, but I still called her mother to make sure she had all our insurance information and to express my sorrow that her daughter was bruised up at the very least.

IDK, time will help. I am still going to talk with the therapist because this is a big blow to my ideal of what my relationship with my son would be. An expert's advice will help. It just hurts, a lot. The dress and telling my brother that I won't be there is the last of the pain of this. Timing is everything. I did talk to his wife about the first text and she didn't know what to say. I only talked to him about my husband's heart catherization and it just didn't seem right to go into then. Soon this will all be over.

I have tonight, I have a calm night, husband and I are going to eat left overs. My daughter is still working. She has had a hard day with a teacher out so she had 20 kids today. She has really likes just her 11. She had an in-service, at least that is what we called it. Before we know it she will be getting ready for the regular school year. Time does go fast.

I do wish everyone a good, sober evening.

OneThing

Willow00

I’m really glad you got an appointment quickly One Thing. I find talking to a therapist really helps me sort things out in my head, and gives me a better frame of mind to deal with difficult situations.

My anxiety has been through the roof lately. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on, but I think a combination of too much sugar (I seem to have replaced alcohol with sugar) and lack of exercise, and work stress/uncertainty. I mentioned some tensions recently where I was caught up in the office angst. Well it’s come to a head and someone has just resigned. Unfortunately I really like the person who is leaving.
I can do something about my diet and exercise if nothing else. I know this, but actually doing it requires motivation, which in theory I have, but then when it comes down to it, I haven’t been following through.

We’re going camping this weekend and I think some fresh air and exercise will do wonders. I need to not take a load of sugar with me….. My partner has a big sweet tooth and will be looking for the sweets, so I’m not sure how this will pan out 😂 Maybe a heap of fruit…. Or even chocolate for him and fruit for me. I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll wait till Monday and then I will start a healthy eating and exercise plan.

OneThingAtATime

Oh, yay! I forgot to mention our electrical work passed, our trench is gone! We were going to start calling it the moat if it stayed there much longer.

The electrician came early and fixed all the issues my husband saw. The inspector was funny, he told my husband that being and engineer he probably checked every part of the job. The electrician said yes, before my husband could answer. I must say that the electricians they did send out were very nice young men.

I am getting old because there are times that I want to ask people that have done work for us if they are doing things as a summer job, after school job, or if they are skipping school. These people get younger every year!

phoebe64

That’s really great you got such a quick appointment, Onething! I have done time with psychiatrists, tried several meds, and attended therapies with my daughter when she needed a parent with her. I’ve also done loads of reading of self help literature. One thing that stayed with me always was letting go of who we want our family to be, and accepting who they actually are. I think of it often, moreso when my mother was living. I found so much compassion for the life she had, looking at it through a different lens. You could make a movie of her family and childhood. She was quite a survivor, and probably because of the fight she had in her.

Anyway, I do hope it’s helpful to you. And, I don’t think, at 37 years old, mothers should be stepping in and apologizing for their offspring. Well, not if there’s no previous relationship there. If you’d all known one another and were friendly, maybe voicing concern or checking in would be appropriate. That’s my take. Only saying it to give you another view, no judgment at all. 💕

Willow, I’m right there with you with recent anxiety. Maybe PAWS? Also, maybe allow yourself indulgences on trips? You’re probably dealing with being around drinking as it is.

I’ve had my house cleaned today, and went off with my boy for some fast food lunch while they were here. I’d offered ice cream, but he actually requested “real” food, meaning savory, vs real, lol. I’m sitting out with the dog watching the birds at the feeder and it’s a gorgeous evening.

I don’t know that he made it up, but I often remember something Dee once said to either me or a member in a prior group, years ago. “The difference between a bad day and a good day is often, about a day.” Wise words, Dee. 💕