Dee74

last part here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-3-a-20.html (Class of May 2021 Support thread Part 3)

D

venuscat

Goodnight Dee and Willow, and good morning and afternoon to everyone else. s ❤️

Sorry I haven't had a chance to respond dear One Thing and all of you....I was not at all well yesterday.
My neck was out and the pain had my brain just not working....which I know you get.

I will catch up this morning. s xxxxxxx

phoebe64

Sorry to hear about your neck, Suze. Rest up and take care of yourself. 💕

Congratulations on so many milestones, Willow, Plenny, and Onething!

Hope you get a nap today, Onething.

We have a party today. It’s the crowd that has the all day into night parties. Sigh. I’d be looking more forward to it if it wasn’t so long, and J will get drunk, and I’ll drive home. I told him last night, per Willow’s method, that if I say I want to leave, he better not start a game of cornhole. If he does, he’s going to have to leave it(means leaving a partner) or get another ride. Of course he was drinking last night when I said that. 🙄. If I really left him at a party like that, it would be a big deal. The whole group would obviously know I did that. It makes for awkwardness in the future. I’m kind of the odd one out in not loving 8 hours of partying, and doing so sober.

With daughter home, it does give me a solid reason to want to get home to spend time with her before she leaves tomorrow.

venuscat

Sounds like it would be more fun to spend the day with your daughter phoebes. ❤️

OneThingAtATime

Oh, Venus, I do hope you feel better. I don't know how bad your neck is but I have had plenty of problems with mine. I went on YouTube and found some really gentle stretches that helped me a lot. Don't worry about responding to me and my problems, it is just good to get on here and get them out. Holding stuff in is just not good for me. My daughter has listened chapter and verse and other then that, I don't have anyone to share this with.
.
Phoebe, that sounds like a good plan and not such a fun party. We, ex and I, had big blow out 4th of July parties at our house. We had lots of land. I stayed busy feeding everyone and listening to my exMIL and ex aunt have a fit about the way the family acted. Maybe a quiet 4th is not so bad?

We do have another problem here. A few months back we had a peeping Tom


Now we have a peeping Ricky!
unique baby names starting with j

The authorities have been called. Ricky Racoon has some splaining to do!

OneThingAtATime

I have no idea where the unique baby name came from but I am leaving it. Maybe his name begins with a J? IDK

venuscat

Oooo, what is Ricky the raccoon looking at?

I have been thinking about you a lot love.

My mum had alzheimer's as well as vascular dementia and I was her carer.
So lots of emotions and empathy swirling, but also hope.
If in fact your husband does have alzheimer's and they catch it early he may well be a candidate for the medication that is currently being evaluated by the FDA for approval. (Drug was developed in Australia).

phoebe64

She sleeps until 2, anyway, and has homework to do. We should be able to do both, if we spend a reasonable time at the party.

I just had a firm discussion with dh. Felt more like lecturing a high school child, but, I pointed out that he should mind his alcohol consumption in front of his colleague from work. Yes, he’s the boss of a longtime friend in the crowd. And, I reminded him of the last party, that he got too drunk, and didn’t respect my request to leave, 2-3 times. I guess I rather scolded him a bit, honestly. I said he can go alone, if he doesn’t agree to leave when I’m ready, and I’m fine with that. Of course, then he’d be drinking and driving. He agreed with me. I offered him the opportunity to speak his mind, but he agreed and seemed contrite.

venuscat

Or wise. If he wants to go to the party.

Take care of yourself honey which I know you will....and come chat if the party gets too rowdy. ❤️

phoebe64

I feel unfair, scolding or being critical of J’s drinking, because I’ve spent plenty of our lives together drinking as much and more. I pointed it out to him, that through sober eyes at these gatherings, we were often drinking more than most, at least more often. I try to admit, I did it too, but see it differently from the sober side.

He’s NEVER criticized my drinking. Left me alone during hangovers, etc... It makes me feel hypocritical, sort of. He needs to figure it out for himself, but he’s an almost daily drinker. Every night.

phoebe64

Thank you Suze. 😘 It’s not rowdy. Just drinking, chatting, food, cornhole, slow pontoon boat rides. Sometimes singing. Just lots of beer and wine. But not wild or crazy.

venuscat

And you love him. And want him to be healthy.

I don't think it is hypocritical at all ~ I think that your perspective has changed with good reason.
You are not asking him to not drink, just to be a bit mindful of how much he drinks.
That can't possibly be a bad thing.

And he loves you , and probably doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

So it's a good conversation to have I think, even if it is not an easy one. xx :

phoebe64

Thank you, Suze. 💕. Yes, you said it well.

venuscat

I just realised we have been friends for almost 7 years phoebe. Wow. ❤️

OneThingAtATime

Thank you Venus. I look back and I have seen plenty of signs of forgetfulness, telling the same stories over and over, not remembering things that I have told him that were important, wanting to blurt out everything at once, and anxiety over trips he has coming up and leaving things that important at home, at a plant, or hotel. The list goes on.

He does get very impatient with my daughter at times. We have talked many times about this and he feels that she thinks she is smarter then him? I had to have a good talk to about that this weekend. What she says to him out of concern, he takes the wrong way. It hurts her feelings and she just has to get over it. I have also asked him so many times to do small things, like put dishes in the dishwasher. It irks me that I am constantly cleaning the kitchen. It is no big deal and I am just going to let these things go.

Getting a diagnosis now will be good in the long run. There are new medicines coming out and he his seeing a neurologist. His father just saw a his PCP and they never took it further then that. We also have a Mayo Clinic and a Cleveland Clinic within driving distance. If need be, they are resources.

I pretty much have come to terms with it, it was always a possibility because of the strong genetic factors. It is what it is. I do have a wonderful, gentleman that I am married to and that will not change. I know what to do and will do things as I have to, it is going to be okay.

I could not have picked a better time to get sober again.

Phoebe, you did good, just as Venus said ❤

venuscat

You know, some of those things you mentioned are the things millions of wives around the world experience with perfectly healthy husbands.

phoebe64

💗. Yes. 😊

phoebe64

Ha! So true, and with perfectly healthy young adult children!

But seriously, Onething, the only thing that has changed is that you now have more information, and that hopefully makes for better understanding and planning. Of course, it’s a lot to digest, though. 💕

Willow00

Thanks for the new thread Dee

Phoebe it sounds like it was a really good discussion you had with your husband. And you have the excuse of getting home to your daughter. Hopefully you can leave the party after spending a bit of time there, and before it gets too late. I get social overload or overwhelm after a few hours at social gatherings when I’m sober. I think I used to only stay longer because I was drinking. 3 hours is about my limit sober. Luckily my partner generally agrees readily to come home when I’m ready to go. I always have a discussion beforehand about when I’m likely to want to leave.

One Thing I think you’re handling everything with your husband really well. I’m glad you have resources nearby to help. Being sober through this time is really a blessing.

I had some really strong AV urges over the weekend, largely to do with the step teen, but I think the AV was just trying to find another excuse to get me back to drinking. I’m grateful that I didn’t cave in, and that I’m on day 50 today and not day 1! Phew.

Monday morning here and I’m off work today. I’m doing more house clearing, getting a load ready to send to the op shop (charity shop). It feels good to clean out stuff that hasn’t been used in years. I read that clearing out your home of unnecessary “stuff” helps to clear space in your psyche, to give more clarity of thought. Hopefully it’s true, I could really do with clearer thinking!

Willow00

that’s funny!
And the peeping Js are funny too