AnvilheadII

curious - with all these online meetings and fellowship and camaraderie.....have you now dumped all the booze/drugs out of your house??

mikoss

I did get a chance to see a concert I hadn't seen in a while.

Probably one of the greatest live performances caught on film. Just a masterpiece of a live performance. Everybody was just on point and the entire band put on a great show. I saw this many years ago and a few times after that and just saw it again and it never gets old.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbg8g48mU5s

Steely

You are a master at avoiding the question Mikoss. Obfuscating.

With the amount of meetings you've attended figured you would have the basics by now. "Ruthlessly honest."

Jeez, I don't even go to AA but I know that much about its principles. Get with the programme Mikoss.

I'm bored.

Dee74

Ok I removed a post or two.

No ones forcing anyone here to read the thread, or post in it.

All you guys know whats acceptable behaviour and whats not.

Dee
Administrator
SR

Dee74

Hows the recovery going Mikoss? whats the day count?

D

Lines

Having people who genuinely care about you - as a person - all while having no expectations that you will do for them, or bend to their will over time is a gift Mikoss. Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world, even a recovery world where people were accepted for who they are, for having their own life journey, and you know people just want to support each other at whatever stage their at in life. Learn from one another, and enjoy each others company.

I'm glad your group is able to offer support and help you opt out of using when you feel like doing so. Even if it's only part of the time hopefully this will grow to more if it's what you want. Just maybe be careful not to get too dependent on others to walk you back from the ledge. It feels good knowing I have the sole power of control within me.

Lines

It makes sense many in your AA group are familiar with cocaine. I know it's often used together. Probably is the same way within a Cocaine Anonymous group. When I was in college for a while I drank too much, and also used cocaine with it part of the time. But it made me feel unstable and was hard to recover from. I also saw other guys start to spiral down and decided drinking too much on any sort of a regular basis wasn't for me. Fortunately, I never became addicted to it. Felt like I needed it, or couldnt put down once I started. Also, my dad was strict in my education. Paid for all of it, set me up comfortably. He would have pulled all that back if I wasn't towing the line. I ended up using coke almost like a high energy tool. That's how it started.

Agree. Anyone can have alcohol or drug issues. The person I obtained the cocaine from was someone I work with. I doubt anyone would suspect either of us would do such a thing. In part because it's so risky, and stupid.

I dont actively socialize with many people with drug or alcohol issues. When you were talking about your AA friends and how they care about you, your goals, support you. All good! And comparing that to other things you've shared about friends who knew you were trying to quit but still brought alcohol over, or were unstable and kept calling you to help them sort out their problems - was wondering what you feel now about the comparison?

I do remember years ago when I went through treatment, one of my friends who does have an admitted alcohol use disorder (not admitted at the time) - he made a special point of arranging for us to meet at coffee shops instead of an old favorite hangout near the beach where alcohol was served and it got loud sometimes. For me, that was a sign of caring about me as a person and my health.

my wife likes Dove chocolates. I like Snickers and the large Reese's cups. We both steal from one another. She keeps ordering more. I'm afraid I will end up with a drawer of candy at my desk when I return to work. Eating candy is better than drugs or alcohol. I did read somewhere sugar addiction is a lot like heroin addiction as far as the brain chemistry.

thank you for offering the info on one of your meetings. I may take you up on it. Will send you a message. Also will look up AA meetings online. I'm guessing there are lot more of those.

how are you doing? Looks like I missed some stuff here.

Lines

This was shared on the newcomers section a while ago. Ever use it?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...yesterday.html (This 24/7 AA link saved my life yesterday)

mikoss

I will definitely check it out. I do attend a lot of AA meetings on Zoom, about 20 a week, but I will check it out.

That is good that they have a 24/7 AA meeting. After doing a few meetings a day I get Zoomed out from too many AA meetings sometimes.

And then after my AA meetings I get a lot of calls and texts from people and my phone is just blowing up that I could spend 2 hours or more just returning and taking calls and answering texts from a lot of people in AA. Sometimes it is good and sometimes I am working in my studio playing or jamming or recording and I can't answer all of the calls and texts at once . Other times I am just tired and want to sleep so between meetings I still communicate with a lot of people from AA if I am not sleeping or working in the studio or out at the guitar shop busy testing guitars and amps. I visit the guitar shop pretty much daily so I am also busy with that between meetings as well. It all keeps me busy during the day.

But in these times I think that is great that they have that 24 hour AA meeting on Zoom.

mikoss

So far I am on Day 1.

I had a few slip ups here and there the past week but nothing too drastic. A little drinking and coke use but nothing crazy or out of control like in weeks past.

I did end up passing out during and AA meeting and that was quite embarrassing. Before I got to the coke to look normal during the AA meeting and keep me level, I passed out from too much drinking earlier in the day. It was so embarrassing passing out in front of people in my AA meeting but they called me on my phone and my girlfriend got to me by hearing my phone going off nonstop and she helped me out and got fluids in me and fed me soup and I was okay. I was absolutely ashamed and really embarrassed by that. I look back on it thinking wow what a horrible and embarrassing day.

That was a wake up call that I really have a drinking and drug problem. So I am on the sober path now and clean and sober and on Day 1 and this time I am really going to work hard at staying clean and sober. Not to mention my girlfriend is keeping a super close eye on me now to make sure I don't mess up and start drinking or doing drugs again.

24 hours at a time. I know I can do this. I just have to want to be sober more that I want to be drunk and high on drugs.

kk1k5x

How are you going to work on getting and staying sober that's different from the previous?

From your reports, it doesn't necessarily sound as if you have any interest in staying sober. You dismiss 'slip ups' way too easily and when looking at your posts, it seems like you're only doing it to either a) please some third person or b) find more talking points. Both of those approaches lack meaningful substance in sobriety.

Getting sober for someone else's sake never works, not in the long term - people leave, stop talking, move away, or pass away. What then? Who's the spectacle for when 'that' person is gone?

Since I've never been to an AA meeting, I cannot speak from experience but based on what I've witnessed here on SR, people who work the programme, find help and start sorting their life out. They find (and they are supported in) making changes that are initially uncomfortable and the complete opposite of an addict's lifestyle. Given that you mention online participation in 20 meetings a week, what have you actually learned and what have you changed based on the things you've learned?

Even the phrases you use suggest a lack of willingness. You say you "have to want to be sober more than". Why do you 'have to'? Why not just 'want'? Using 'have to' suggests it's some sort of obligation placed on you by a third person and you wouldn't engage in it were you not pressured to do so.

Given the number of meetings you attend online and the way you've incorporated your own image into your posts about what 'you and your group' do, providing advice to other people for joining up... I mean what's this spectacle for? Provide an analogy for you - what you actually seem to be doing is the equivalent of buying tickets to a couple of basketball games. The way you speak about what you're doing is as if you're the AA equivalent of a starter in the 1996 Chicago Bulls.

Put it to you another way. Looking at guitars or marvelling at their finishing at the music shop won't make you Slash. If dreams and wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Now, of course, I know I've made a mistake by mentioning Slash, because all you'll do is go on a rant about Appetite for Destruction and Les Pauls - and ignore everything else.

Prove me wrong by stating your exact plan of action for staying sober.

mikoss

I do have to get sober for myself as well and for health reasons.

And I am working with a sponsor that is helping me with a certain plan for getting sober.

I also had a long talk with someone from AA that really hit a lot of important things that made so much sense and we agreed on a lot of things. One of things that he talked about how as alcoholics we hate being told what to do. I had to stop listening to people preach to me in AA telling me to do this and do that. That was my biggest problem. When people in AA start preaching to me to do this and that I tune them out and I get on the defensive just as he did. He even said in AA nobody should ever preach to anyone and tell them what they need to do. It doesn't work. It didn't work for him and it didn't work for me.

So we talked about trying different things that will hopefully work. Not even working the steps right now or reading the big book or any of that stuff. Right now it is focusing on things to get me sober and help with cravings and withdrawals and the physical side of addiction.

And so far I am on Day 1 and I am starting to feel a bit better physically to reduce the withdrawal symptoms.

mikoss

Here is a little clip of one of my favorite guitarists who was also a big influence on me. He was probably one of if not the greatest guitarist to ever play a Les Paul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k07j7LcLqw

Lines

Your already doing a lot of AA, so you might not want to add more. I clicked on the link and it went to an AA website with some content and info on connecting to the meetings via zoom. But I didn't go that far because reading the content on the page kinda shows me I have a much different philosophy. I'm thinking it wouldn't be helpful. I'm still seeing my doctor for therapy but we both agreed it's ok to cut back now.

Do you ever think your attending too many AA meetings? and getting involved with too many people? Especially people who have their own issues and ones that you don't know very well? May be off base as I'm not that trusting of people. Also, Im typically not that generous at giving away my time. I do find this website a little addicting however. But of course we are in the midst of a pandemic with stay at home orders. 😁 You seem very giving toward others. I think the best way to put yourself in a position to help other (or to listen to them) is to make sure your takimg care of yourself first.

mikoss

Yes, sometimes I do feel like I attend a lot of meeting in a day. I attended three AA meetings this morning alone. But they were all very good meetings.

And I have one AA meeting that I will attend this evening at 7 pm central standard time. This one is a speaker meeting and a large meeting with probably over a hundred if not hundreds of local people. I can send you the meeting ID and password if you like.

It should be a good meeting and I am looking forward to it. I like the speaker meetings because you get to hear someone's story for about 30 to 40 minutes.

mikoss

Wow, what an amazing speaker in tonight's AA meeting that I attended. And what a turnout. There were almost 300 people that attended tonight's online AA meeting.

The speaker tonight was a well known AA speaker and wow she covered a lot of topics and she is probably the best speaker I have heard so far. It was a very enlightening and powerful story she told. Happy, sad, tearful, uplifting, dark, hopeful, and she was very real in everything she said.

Out of everything she spoke of, the one thing that really stuck with me is how she said that we have to stay in the present moment. That we can't dwell on the past or worry about the future and we have to just focus our minds on the present and focus on how we are going to stay sober right now in the present moment. And this is so true for us alcoholics. All we can do is keep ourselves in that mindset that right now in the present moment we won't drink no matter what is going on in our lives.

Anyways, she gave a very touching and powerful presentation tonight that was very moving.

And I am working on Day 2 of sobriety so far one hour at a time.

Lines

I didnt see your offer about the mtg in time today next time there is another one you think will be especially good let me know and maybe I will listen in. Thanks for thinking of me. Very thoughtful. Looks like it was a powerful message from the speaker. Very emotional. Where do the speakers come from? Is it just people who sign up to talk, or people who have been in it a long time?

I think your making a great effort and if these help or are enjoyable then keep it up. By definition alcohol and substance use disorderars characterized by relapse especially in the beginning. So tomorrow will be Day 3. Days to weeks to months and onward.

Since AA is based on a loose concept of God. Was wondering if you've ever gone to church? Our church isnt holding services due to the pandemic, but it does put up an live sermon weekly. Been listening to those. Sundays during this pandemic are a big change. My wife and I usually have dinner with one set of parents on Sundays. (Sometimes we all get together). Its been a while now and I think I'm actually missing my in laws. Weird.

I've been on a bender today Mikoss. No drugs... we had a delivery of these two giant bags of kit kats. Dark, milk, white chocolate. I think Ive got a sugar high

Lines

How are you doing?

mikoss

No problem, I will let you know when the next speaker is speaking along with the date and time and ID number and password for the zoom meeting. This particular meeting is held once a month. This last speaker was actually a well known AA speaker from California. I will obtain the official copyrighted audio of the speaker so you can hear it later if you wish. There were close to 300 people in the online meeting when she spoke and told her story, but when this AA meeting was held in person there would be anywhere from 500 to 700 people at this meeting. It is a local AA meeting but a large one.

I met a guy this past weekend that spoke at this meeting before and when he spoke he drew over 1,000 people just to hear him speak. It is a big AA meeting that takes place once a month and when they met in person there was food like a big buffet and drinks (non-alcoholic of course) and deserts and everything. If you get there early you could even help prepare and cook the food too. But until further notice they will be held online through Zoom for now. I will get you the info for next month's meeting and who will be speaking.

Right now I am going to as many AA meetings as possible. I try to attend at least 3 meetings a day, sometimes more such as 4 to 5 meetings a day. But I always do at least two AA meeting a day minimum.

I am also attending meetings outside of my home group. I love my home group and the various local groups of which many in my home group attend as well but I have started to branch out to attending other new groups that are local as well but that have a different vibe to them or format and I like meeting new people as well. From my experience, I attend a new group and meet meet new people and from there I get invited to other groups and meet more new people there and before I knew it I built a network of people within my AA list of friends.

I have met a lot of other musicians as well from a lot of these groups and just people in the music industry in general. Musicians on hiatus from big world tours to just people learning to play or wanting to learn to play guitar. I have met other guitar players, bass players, drummers, keyboard players, sound engineers, tour managers, record producers, vocal coaches, songwriters, singers, guitar techs, and many others.

As far as the God aspect of AA that is actually a very good question. Personally, I am not a religious person nor do I go to church. And I don't pray or really believe in God and I have never been a religious person. But I do have rosaries that were given to me and various religious things given to me by friends that I keep and treasure. But I am still able to slowly let AA work for me and even though I don't believe in God in a religious sense, I believe that maybe there is a higher power out there like a god of some sort or a spiritual being or something, and I am slowly trying to let this higher power get into my life and help me get sober and clean. It is more of a spiritual thing I guess.

And many people in my AA meetings have discussed this topic. People in my meetings have talked about how they were atheists and when they first came into AA they were like I don't like this God and higher power aspect and I just don't get it and don't want to get it and I don't like it and in time they said they just learned to have faith in the program and just learned to let it work for them.

Like my sponsor told me in a jam session in the studio, he said that AA has saved millions of people's lives and it can save my life too. From that I am willing to work the program and let God or a higher power into my life even though I may not believe in God right now and I am willing to give AA and the program a shot. I would rather choose life and health over addiction and eventual death and I am willing to just give AA a chance and slowly let AA and the program help me instead of being selfish and hard headed and wanting to always do things my way and finally I am willing to just let others guide and help me instead of being the selfish and egotistical control freak that drugs and alcohol turned me into.

My girlfriend is the total opposite. She is into meditation and yoga and spirituality. But she has put up with my drinking and drug use and even though we are opposites we get along very well. And I am on day 4 now clean and sober.

Also, AA has given me the opportunity to help others that need support. Not that I am much help to others in AA since I am barely 4 days clean and sober today, but I was able to help a guy recently who was in a real bad place. He was a new person in one of our meetings and I actually stayed after the meeting and spoke with him for about an hour and a half after everybody left the meeting and he was very thankful for me talking to him and taking the time to do that. I actually had a scheduled jam session in the studio after the meeting but I put it on hold and said no this guy needs my help and he is more important right now. He was just in a bad place and he told me that he felt bad drinking in the meeting and he was on pills and couldn't relate to us since everybody is sober and clean.

I told him not to feel bad and we have all been there. I told him that a lot of us in those AA meetings have been intoxicated and on drugs during the meeting at one time or another. And I spoke with him for a while and we exchanged numbers.

That is good that you have a ton of chocolates. I find that chocolates help with the cravings. Plus I like chocolates too.

Dee74

congrats on 4 days Mikoss.

D