Mikoss' Thread
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Location: NSW - Australia
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It's good to be happy Mikoss. I'd be pretty happy if I owned Frank's drum kit that's for sure. Not that I know Frank from a bar of soap, but admit again that I certainly like ZZ Top. Wonder how they came up with that name? It's pretty obscure. Wouldn't have the same ring here because we say zed, not zee. Zed Zed Top doesn't quite work.
My soft spot for David Bowie really does come from my younger brother. He made me listen to him all the time because thought he was David. I listened as a dutiful sister would.
My brother started cross dressing as his illness (schizophrenia) progressed. He tried to dress like David, but couldn't quite pull it off. People on the street couldn't cop to it and he was ridiculed. Arseholes.
My brother was also a heroin user who jumped from 120 mgs Methadone, cold, twice. I have no idea how he was able to do this and think was contributory/triggering to him developing schizophrenia. Also think he was raped in gaol. Sent there for self possession of heroin. He is slight, and pretty just like David. Lots of trauma.
He got clean and for many years went to NA. I thank NA to this very day because it taught him much. I see him using the skills he learned when I visit him in his Care facility. He has Acceptance in Spades. He humbles me. More than once he would come pick me up to take me to an AA meeting. No one else in my family would drive with him, but I gave it a bat because I love him, poor fellow. He has all of his NA literature with him to this very day. It is very sad.
I don't know that all of the sounds we heard were from the didge Lines, I'm not that skilled. I do know that many sounds of animals can be mimicked, but whether what we heard is all didgeridoo I do not know. Circular breathing can do some really tricky and interesting things. I mightn't know much, but I do know I love the didgeridoo.
Hope we're all still on the right path. I'm liking sobriety because it makes me the person I want to be. The person I know I am.
Don't forget to wash your hands.
My soft spot for David Bowie really does come from my younger brother. He made me listen to him all the time because thought he was David. I listened as a dutiful sister would.
My brother started cross dressing as his illness (schizophrenia) progressed. He tried to dress like David, but couldn't quite pull it off. People on the street couldn't cop to it and he was ridiculed. Arseholes.
My brother was also a heroin user who jumped from 120 mgs Methadone, cold, twice. I have no idea how he was able to do this and think was contributory/triggering to him developing schizophrenia. Also think he was raped in gaol. Sent there for self possession of heroin. He is slight, and pretty just like David. Lots of trauma.
He got clean and for many years went to NA. I thank NA to this very day because it taught him much. I see him using the skills he learned when I visit him in his Care facility. He has Acceptance in Spades. He humbles me. More than once he would come pick me up to take me to an AA meeting. No one else in my family would drive with him, but I gave it a bat because I love him, poor fellow. He has all of his NA literature with him to this very day. It is very sad.
I don't know that all of the sounds we heard were from the didge Lines, I'm not that skilled. I do know that many sounds of animals can be mimicked, but whether what we heard is all didgeridoo I do not know. Circular breathing can do some really tricky and interesting things. I mightn't know much, but I do know I love the didgeridoo.
Hope we're all still on the right path. I'm liking sobriety because it makes me the person I want to be. The person I know I am.
Don't forget to wash your hands.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KRw7495QpCI
Not quite Frank, but who cares, they seem to be having a good time.
Not quite Frank, but who cares, they seem to be having a good time.
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 353
The name ZZ Top came from mixing different names. A lot of people think that the ZZ came from the Zig Zag rolling papers and yes Billy does like smoking his fine herbal remedies and Billy does have some good stuff by the way that I have personally smoked with him. But it came from a blues player ZZ Hill and as a tribute to blues great BB King, Billy wanted to go with ZZ King and since BB King was a "top" blues musician he decided to go with ZZ Top and the rest is history.
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How are you doing with your use Mikoss?
I don't know any famous people. I've smoked a cigar from Fidel Castro's personal stash which counts for something I guess. Maybe Fidel Castro is not even considered famous. Idk. I'm embarrassed by fame.
Just wondering how you were doing with your use.
I don't know any famous people. I've smoked a cigar from Fidel Castro's personal stash which counts for something I guess.
Maybe Fidel Castro is not even considered famous. Idk. I'm embarrassed by fame. Just wondering how you were doing with your use.
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To be honest I am not too good Steely.
I go for a bit without drinking or coke but I just go right back to it like a little mouse after his cheese.
Just when I think I am doing okay I go right back. I am drinking and doing coke right now and sitting here in my studio thinking man what a mess I am screwing up like this over some money and contracts and just business stuff that I could even care less about anymore since everything is gone to heck anyways.
I think to myself how in the heck am I going to get out of this. I just need to get sober and clean finally.
I go for a bit without drinking or coke but I just go right back to it like a little mouse after his cheese.
Just when I think I am doing okay I go right back. I am drinking and doing coke right now and sitting here in my studio thinking man what a mess I am screwing up like this over some money and contracts and just business stuff that I could even care less about anymore since everything is gone to heck anyways.
I think to myself how in the heck am I going to get out of this. I just need to get sober and clean finally.
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I don't go to AA anymore Mikoss but I know it talks about having to reach rock bottom before real change can occur. Some people don't have to reach bedrock, they get smart early. I wasn't that smart.
It had to get really bad for me Mikoss before I made the decision to stop. Not, Mikoss as I observe you, who tends toward a nonchalance. A shrug. Lacking in commitment. And that's ok if that's how you want to run it, but think I could find better things to do. Like, file my nails.
I'm not sure you are ready to stop. Maybe don't even want to stop, just think this sobriety thing is a bit entertaining. A sideshow to celebrity. Idk.
For me it was the knowledge that if I didn't stop it would kill me. Or, I would simply remain an idiot for the rest of my life. I think I preferred death to idiocy.
You do seem like a good person Mikoss, but I don't believe you are taking sobriety seriously at all. Ho hum.
It had to get really bad for me Mikoss before I made the decision to stop. Not, Mikoss as I observe you, who tends toward a nonchalance. A shrug. Lacking in commitment. And that's ok if that's how you want to run it, but think I could find better things to do. Like, file my nails.
I'm not sure you are ready to stop. Maybe don't even want to stop, just think this sobriety thing is a bit entertaining. A sideshow to celebrity. Idk.
For me it was the knowledge that if I didn't stop it would kill me. Or, I would simply remain an idiot for the rest of my life. I think I preferred death to idiocy.
You do seem like a good person Mikoss, but I don't believe you are taking sobriety seriously at all. Ho hum.
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I definitely want to get sober and clean but then part of me is scared to imagine a life without alcohol and drugs.
I have so much stress, a lot of weight on my shoulders, and so much I am dealing with I can barely function on a daily business.
I lost so much money yesterday dealing with business contract stuff that I just lost it last night and it set me off. It is not even about the money but just the principle of the thing to where I was screaming on the phone dealing with this crap and just said to myself the heck with it and just went back to my self medicating.
Maybe detox or rehab is in my near future but I am just trying to hold on and not fall of the cliff day by day.
I have so much stress, a lot of weight on my shoulders, and so much I am dealing with I can barely function on a daily business.
I lost so much money yesterday dealing with business contract stuff that I just lost it last night and it set me off. It is not even about the money but just the principle of the thing to where I was screaming on the phone dealing with this crap and just said to myself the heck with it and just went back to my self medicating.
Maybe detox or rehab is in my near future but I am just trying to hold on and not fall of the cliff day by day.
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
The other day I asked Why you wanted to stop. No reply. I agree with Steely on the differing ways people finally quit.
I can't figure out what your motivation is. I'm not sure it's enough to simply use and then feel like crap and say I dont want to do this again. It's a pattern I fell into and I think it's normal, but it hasn't been a driving factor of change for me. When I finally talked to my doctor a couple weeks ago, one of the things he said was that I caused myself more pain and emotional distress simply because I didnt follow my own relapse plan which was designed to help me regain control physically and emotionally.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but your in pain physically and emotionally. And now since starting AA and seeing them smoke, you've added cigarettes to the list of vices. Your a cool guy Mikoss, and I hope you pull it all together before something truly bad happens to you.
I can't figure out what your motivation is. I'm not sure it's enough to simply use and then feel like crap and say I dont want to do this again. It's a pattern I fell into and I think it's normal, but it hasn't been a driving factor of change for me. When I finally talked to my doctor a couple weeks ago, one of the things he said was that I caused myself more pain and emotional distress simply because I didnt follow my own relapse plan which was designed to help me regain control physically and emotionally.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but your in pain physically and emotionally. And now since starting AA and seeing them smoke, you've added cigarettes to the list of vices. Your a cool guy Mikoss, and I hope you pull it all together before something truly bad happens to you.
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I have so much stress, a lot of weight on my shoulders, and so much I am dealing with I can barely function on a daily business.
People are stressing about dying, about losing their jobs, they're scared about having no food. Life as we know it has changed.
I'm sorry you lost some money but honestly man - you seem to be doing pretty well.
Everybody is stressed. Some of us are not drinking or doing drugs.
D
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I am sorry Dee, I meant that I can barely function on a daily basis. Not business.
Sorry I didn't answer all of the questions or respond to everyone, I was just in a bad state last night self medicating and so stressed and angry at myself and just feeling really down and just not feeling well.
But here I am about 12 hours of no drinking and no drugs and starting all over again. Just trying to get well and get back on the sober path.
But yes Lines, the smoking thing came from my AA meetings. When we did our actual AA meetings in person one of the rules is no smoking or vaping during the meeting. Of course nobody did that during our actual meetings but it was a rule that had to be stated at the start of each meeting. But a lot of people at my AA meetings smoke so I decided to start smoking cigarettes too. I don't recommend smoking cigarettes but I noticed a lot of people in my AA meetings drink a lot of coffee and smoke cigarettes. Most people eat food, smoke cigarettes or cigars, pet their housecat on their lap, whatever suits their fancy. That is what is great about these online AA meetings on Zoom. We can still have a meeting from the comfort of our home. And I am so thankful and grateful for that.
Anyways, I actually have an online AA meeting in about 20 minutes and need to get ready and be back later.
Sorry I didn't answer all of the questions or respond to everyone, I was just in a bad state last night self medicating and so stressed and angry at myself and just feeling really down and just not feeling well.
But here I am about 12 hours of no drinking and no drugs and starting all over again. Just trying to get well and get back on the sober path.
But yes Lines, the smoking thing came from my AA meetings. When we did our actual AA meetings in person one of the rules is no smoking or vaping during the meeting. Of course nobody did that during our actual meetings but it was a rule that had to be stated at the start of each meeting. But a lot of people at my AA meetings smoke so I decided to start smoking cigarettes too. I don't recommend smoking cigarettes but I noticed a lot of people in my AA meetings drink a lot of coffee and smoke cigarettes. Most people eat food, smoke cigarettes or cigars, pet their housecat on their lap, whatever suits their fancy. That is what is great about these online AA meetings on Zoom. We can still have a meeting from the comfort of our home. And I am so thankful and grateful for that.
Anyways, I actually have an online AA meeting in about 20 minutes and need to get ready and be back later.
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I got done with my AA meeting online.
Then I have friends that want to come over to my place and jam in my studio and my friend here she is upset about it. She started accusing me saying all of your musician buddies are going to come over here and you say oh you are just jamming together but I know you all are probably going to drink and do a bunch of drugs.
She doesn't hang out in the studio so she at least gives me my private place with that but man she is just giving me a hard time about it.
I have everything here in the studio so it is not like they are coming with a bunch of music equipment. I have the piano, plenty of guitars and amps, drum set, bass guitars, mics, keyboard, acoustic guitars, and I have everything here and all we want to do is jam together and I just want to relax and play with my bandmates and she just thinks the worst and that we just drink and do a bunch of drugs together.
I feel bad and I respect her views because I do love her a lot even though I never tell her that, but I told her no drugs and drinking and she won't believe me. She got so mad and said I swear to god if you are drinking and doing drugs tonight and don't lie because I know when you are high and I can tell by your eyes when you are high on coke and drinking and gods knows whatever you do behind my back I will force you into rehab tonight if I so much as suspect you are drinking and doing drugs.
But I told her that I swear I have not been drinking and doing any drugs and we are not going to do that.
So right now I feel like my friend she is being like the police. Even though I swore to her I am clean for almost 18 hours. She even told me that she has a drug test to test me to make sure I am not lying. I don't even know how she even got a hold of a drug test but now she says she wants to start testing me.
But I just respect her and listen to her and just do whatever she says. I do care about her and I am trying to stay on the sober path but man she just nags me about the drinking and drugs when all I want to do is jam with my bandmates and just decompress.
All she does all day is cook and bake and clean and do laundry and I never bother her about any of that and stay out of her way but at least she is giving me a chance to have some time in the studio with my bandmates and just relax. I don't know why she just has to be very suspecting of everything.
Then I have friends that want to come over to my place and jam in my studio and my friend here she is upset about it. She started accusing me saying all of your musician buddies are going to come over here and you say oh you are just jamming together but I know you all are probably going to drink and do a bunch of drugs.
She doesn't hang out in the studio so she at least gives me my private place with that but man she is just giving me a hard time about it.
I have everything here in the studio so it is not like they are coming with a bunch of music equipment. I have the piano, plenty of guitars and amps, drum set, bass guitars, mics, keyboard, acoustic guitars, and I have everything here and all we want to do is jam together and I just want to relax and play with my bandmates and she just thinks the worst and that we just drink and do a bunch of drugs together.
I feel bad and I respect her views because I do love her a lot even though I never tell her that, but I told her no drugs and drinking and she won't believe me. She got so mad and said I swear to god if you are drinking and doing drugs tonight and don't lie because I know when you are high and I can tell by your eyes when you are high on coke and drinking and gods knows whatever you do behind my back I will force you into rehab tonight if I so much as suspect you are drinking and doing drugs.
But I told her that I swear I have not been drinking and doing any drugs and we are not going to do that.
So right now I feel like my friend she is being like the police. Even though I swore to her I am clean for almost 18 hours. She even told me that she has a drug test to test me to make sure I am not lying. I don't even know how she even got a hold of a drug test but now she says she wants to start testing me.
But I just respect her and listen to her and just do whatever she says. I do care about her and I am trying to stay on the sober path but man she just nags me about the drinking and drugs when all I want to do is jam with my bandmates and just decompress.
All she does all day is cook and bake and clean and do laundry and I never bother her about any of that and stay out of her way but at least she is giving me a chance to have some time in the studio with my bandmates and just relax. I don't know why she just has to be very suspecting of everything.
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I'm a musician and I'm not jamming right now,
To me that means that 4 people stay home .
to me it's the responsible thing to do right now.
The less we socialise the quicker this damn virus will be gone.
Jam online.
D
To me that means that 4 people stay home .
to me it's the responsible thing to do right now.
The less we socialise the quicker this damn virus will be gone.
Jam online.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
Originally Posted by mikoss 
I definitely want to get sober and clean but then part of me is scared to imagine a life without alcohol and drugs.
I have so much stress, a lot of weight on my shoulders, and so much I am dealing with I can barely function on a daily business.
I lost so much money yesterday dealing with business contract stuff that I just lost it last night and it set me off. It is not even about the money but just the principle of the thing to where I was screaming on the phone dealing with this crap and just said to myself the heck with it and just went back to my self medicating.
Maybe detox or rehab is in my near future but I am just trying to hold on and not fall of the cliff day by day.
I have so much stress, a lot of weight on my shoulders, and so much I am dealing with I can barely function on a daily business.
I lost so much money yesterday dealing with business contract stuff that I just lost it last night and it set me off. It is not even about the money but just the principle of the thing to where I was screaming on the phone dealing with this crap and just said to myself the heck with it and just went back to my self medicating.
Maybe detox or rehab is in my near future but I am just trying to hold on and not fall of the cliff day by day.
Also I wont judge the stress connection to your using because just like 3 weeks ago I tried and had 2 days, was doing ok. Then there was this incident in the night with our cat and a mouse, my wife got upset. I had a couple hours before I had to leave for work, and was so tired. Couldnt handle it. Not proud of it, but that's the truth.
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From the US National Institute of Health, Institute on Drug Addiction- What are some of the ways cocaine effects the brain:
"Although addiction researchers have focused on adaptations in the brain’s reward system, drugs also affect the brain pathways that respond to stress. Stress can contribute to cocaine relapse, and cocaine use disorders frequently co-occur with stress-related disorders. The stress circuits of the brain are distinct from the reward pathway, but research indicates that there are important ways that they overlap. The ventral tegmental area seems to act as a critical integration site in the brain that relays information about both stress and drug cues to other areas of the brain, including ones that drive cocaine seeking. Animals that have received cocaine repeatedly are more likely to seek the drug in response to stress, and the more of the drug they have taken, the more stress affects this behavior. Research suggests that cocaine elevates stress hormones, inducing neuroadaptations that further increase sensitivity to the drug and cues associated with it.
Brain images showing decreased glucose metabolism, which indicates reduced activity, in the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) in a control subject (left) and a cocaine-addicted subject (right). Volkow ND, Want G-J, Fowler JS, Tomasi D, Teland F. Addiction: beyond dopamine reward circuitry. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA. 2011;108(37):15037-15042.
Chronic cocaine exposure affects many other areas of the brain too. For example, animal research indicates that cocaine diminishes functioning in the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), which appears to underlie the poor decision-making, inability to adapt to negative consequences of drug use, and lack of self-insight shown by people addicted to cocaine."
I've been caught in this loop. Tomorrow, it will be 3 weeks since I last used. I'm feeling a lot better. Im healing I believe.
when you stop and start like your doing every couple days, I dont know what's happening to you, but odds are not true healing.
This is one reason inpatient treatment can help. Your away from a lot of the stress of normal life, and can begin to heal. And then learn skills (like the CBT I studied), to help as you recover at home.
"Although addiction researchers have focused on adaptations in the brain’s reward system, drugs also affect the brain pathways that respond to stress. Stress can contribute to cocaine relapse, and cocaine use disorders frequently co-occur with stress-related disorders. The stress circuits of the brain are distinct from the reward pathway, but research indicates that there are important ways that they overlap. The ventral tegmental area seems to act as a critical integration site in the brain that relays information about both stress and drug cues to other areas of the brain, including ones that drive cocaine seeking. Animals that have received cocaine repeatedly are more likely to seek the drug in response to stress, and the more of the drug they have taken, the more stress affects this behavior. Research suggests that cocaine elevates stress hormones, inducing neuroadaptations that further increase sensitivity to the drug and cues associated with it.
Brain images showing decreased glucose metabolism, which indicates reduced activity, in the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) in a control subject (left) and a cocaine-addicted subject (right). Volkow ND, Want G-J, Fowler JS, Tomasi D, Teland F. Addiction: beyond dopamine reward circuitry. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA. 2011;108(37):15037-15042.
Chronic cocaine exposure affects many other areas of the brain too. For example, animal research indicates that cocaine diminishes functioning in the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), which appears to underlie the poor decision-making, inability to adapt to negative consequences of drug use, and lack of self-insight shown by people addicted to cocaine."
I've been caught in this loop. Tomorrow, it will be 3 weeks since I last used. I'm feeling a lot better. Im healing I believe.
when you stop and start like your doing every couple days, I dont know what's happening to you, but odds are not true healing.
This is one reason inpatient treatment can help. Your away from a lot of the stress of normal life, and can begin to heal. And then learn skills (like the CBT I studied), to help as you recover at home.
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Join Date: Feb 2020
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Well I did another online meeting earlier tonight and it went well. We had a big turnout.
Thanks for the info Lines, I will definitely check out some more info on it.
I went to a liquor store earlier today and what a bad experience. I didn't go to buy booze and actually went there to buy candies and cigarettes and some Dr. Pepper before my online AA meeting. I only would go there on occasion and now more often to avoid going to bigger stores with more people and it is close by. So I go in there to get my candies and while I am shopping the guy working at the liquor store is all over me as usual asking me, "What do you want? What brand or what are you looking for?" So I tell him no I am not looking for alcohol and just looking for all of my candies and my Dr. Pepper and he immediately goes off on me, "Every time you come here man you never buy a bottle of liquor. This is a liquor store. You see the sign outside. It says liquor store buddy."
Oh man I got so angry I was like first of all I ain't your buddy and second of all just because you are a liquor store doesn't require you buy only liquor at all times. I put the candies back and my Dr. Peppers back and when I was walking out he even followed me outside to continue to argue with me. All I told him was hey if you are going to treat me like that I will just go elsewhere and take my business somewhere else.
So then a lady is walking by and about to go inside the store and he asked her, "Hey lady I have a question for you. If you come here to my store you are buying liquor right?" The lady said yes that she was there to buy some wine and some bottles of spirits. Then he tries to tell her that every time I come I never buy a bottle of anything and just candies and other things. And she agrees with him !! She said, "Well he kind of does have a point. I go here to buy wine so don't know why you wouldn't buy a bottle of something." She said with everything going on she was stocking up on lots of wine and liquor to get through the coronavirus epidemic.
Then I told them well for your information I quit drinking and I'm actually going to an online AA meeting soon so have a nice day. The lady told me, "I feel sorry for you quitting drinking because all I can say is I love my wine and would never think of quitting. My mom said to never be a quitter."
These are the kind of idiots I dealt with today.
Thanks for the info Lines, I will definitely check out some more info on it.
I went to a liquor store earlier today and what a bad experience. I didn't go to buy booze and actually went there to buy candies and cigarettes and some Dr. Pepper before my online AA meeting. I only would go there on occasion and now more often to avoid going to bigger stores with more people and it is close by. So I go in there to get my candies and while I am shopping the guy working at the liquor store is all over me as usual asking me, "What do you want? What brand or what are you looking for?" So I tell him no I am not looking for alcohol and just looking for all of my candies and my Dr. Pepper and he immediately goes off on me, "Every time you come here man you never buy a bottle of liquor. This is a liquor store. You see the sign outside. It says liquor store buddy."
Oh man I got so angry I was like first of all I ain't your buddy and second of all just because you are a liquor store doesn't require you buy only liquor at all times. I put the candies back and my Dr. Peppers back and when I was walking out he even followed me outside to continue to argue with me. All I told him was hey if you are going to treat me like that I will just go elsewhere and take my business somewhere else.
So then a lady is walking by and about to go inside the store and he asked her, "Hey lady I have a question for you. If you come here to my store you are buying liquor right?" The lady said yes that she was there to buy some wine and some bottles of spirits. Then he tries to tell her that every time I come I never buy a bottle of anything and just candies and other things. And she agrees with him !! She said, "Well he kind of does have a point. I go here to buy wine so don't know why you wouldn't buy a bottle of something." She said with everything going on she was stocking up on lots of wine and liquor to get through the coronavirus epidemic.
Then I told them well for your information I quit drinking and I'm actually going to an online AA meeting soon so have a nice day. The lady told me, "I feel sorry for you quitting drinking because all I can say is I love my wine and would never think of quitting. My mom said to never be a quitter."
These are the kind of idiots I dealt with today.
Last edited by mikoss; 03-25-2020 at 09:06 PM. Reason: spelling
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