Class of May 2018 Part 4
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,358
Thanks everyone!
I agree, and being sober helped me to feel it with so much intensity and it help me to let it go. I cried a little bit on my way home from steamboat springs, and I needed to just to get it out. But I’m OK with it, it is what it is and we just move forward with what is, right?
I think I mentioned before that my sister Tracey went back to drinking and that she could control it a few weeks ago. All she could tell me was that I was right about being afraid about not being able to control it, and she wished she would’ve not gone back to it. She told me everybody on SR that has gone back to drinking, has tried to moderate, is correct—there is not just one. Or two. Or three. And the cravings are relentless 24 seven. I have no intention of compromising my new found freedom.
I agree, and being sober helped me to feel it with so much intensity and it help me to let it go. I cried a little bit on my way home from steamboat springs, and I needed to just to get it out. But I’m OK with it, it is what it is and we just move forward with what is, right?
I think I mentioned before that my sister Tracey went back to drinking and that she could control it a few weeks ago. All she could tell me was that I was right about being afraid about not being able to control it, and she wished she would’ve not gone back to it. She told me everybody on SR that has gone back to drinking, has tried to moderate, is correct—there is not just one. Or two. Or three. And the cravings are relentless 24 seven. I have no intention of compromising my new found freedom.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I’m still getting cravings, sometimes really intense. They scare me because sometimes I also think I can control it. But the reality is that it was out of control. It’s not going to suddenly be ok and controllable. It is what it is. The AV lies.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
There are times when despite our armor that we are going to feel vulnerable to things outside of us and to that within also. All we can do is try to meet those facts and feelings differently when appropriate or to find ways that bring us some clarity, respite or relief. Despite approaching a year, we are still pretty new at all of this, and we are going to find it's not always going to be a smooth road.
I have an appointment with my addiction therapist next week, but it's going to be somebody else taking the appointment from what I see on my schedule. I wonder what that means, other than my new regular person is not available, but it will be a chance to repeat what I am doing, how I feel on reaching a new and first milestone soon, and to see how I am doing after coming down from some significant stress and grief. I know that I'm vulnerable when there are big highs or lows, and there have been plenty of those lately and to come.
It seems that I haven't been doing much more during the week but working and sleeping these past few weeks. That's beginning to bother me a bit, as there is more than living than just overt routine. I may be tired, but I can fit in something else when things calm down a bit. Or perhaps just something new will come my way to pique my interests, one never knows.
I'd like to feel more relaxed in my recovery than I do presently, I'm going to see what I can do to get back into that flow.
I have an appointment with my addiction therapist next week, but it's going to be somebody else taking the appointment from what I see on my schedule. I wonder what that means, other than my new regular person is not available, but it will be a chance to repeat what I am doing, how I feel on reaching a new and first milestone soon, and to see how I am doing after coming down from some significant stress and grief. I know that I'm vulnerable when there are big highs or lows, and there have been plenty of those lately and to come.
It seems that I haven't been doing much more during the week but working and sleeping these past few weeks. That's beginning to bother me a bit, as there is more than living than just overt routine. I may be tired, but I can fit in something else when things calm down a bit. Or perhaps just something new will come my way to pique my interests, one never knows.
I'd like to feel more relaxed in my recovery than I do presently, I'm going to see what I can do to get back into that flow.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,602
Cravings don't necessarily mean we're doing anything wrong or that we're weakening.
I had 20 years of drinking behaviour to unlearn...but I kept at it and eventually the cravings stopped
D
I had 20 years of drinking behaviour to unlearn...but I kept at it and eventually the cravings stopped
D
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I wish they would go away Dee. Some days they’re not a bother but occasionally they are overwhelming. I think as I approach a year sober, it’s been a real push back from the AV. I just realised today is the eve of my 11 months sober
Maybe that’s why the AV is fighting
Maybe that’s why the AV is fighting
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Dee
I’m still taking one day at a time. Yesterday when my partner was having a beer, the AV popped in for a chat. I nearly cracked open a bottle of non alcoholic wine (my very last resort weapon against the AV, when I don’t have icecream). It’s gotten me through a few tricky social occasions especially the first few months, but I haven’t had to resort to in ages (since the Christmas and New Year festivities). I always have a bottle in the bottom of the beer fridge just in case. But then I remembered I had just poured a cup of tea a few minutes earlier that was ready to drink, so I had that instead and the craving along with the AV went away again
I’m still taking one day at a time. Yesterday when my partner was having a beer, the AV popped in for a chat. I nearly cracked open a bottle of non alcoholic wine (my very last resort weapon against the AV, when I don’t have icecream). It’s gotten me through a few tricky social occasions especially the first few months, but I haven’t had to resort to in ages (since the Christmas and New Year festivities). I always have a bottle in the bottom of the beer fridge just in case. But then I remembered I had just poured a cup of tea a few minutes earlier that was ready to drink, so I had that instead and the craving along with the AV went away again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
It's obnoxious that the AV can pop in when we think everything should be just fine. I'm glad that you didn't have to go any further than tea to relax through your recent feelings, Willow. Just like a dream, what we are feeling may seem real but is just an expression of underlying "stuff". I'm sure that these episodes of the AV sneaking around will pass.
I was offered, encouraged to have, a drink at our conference happy hour last night. It was easy to decline, as I was still working, and it never had to go further with explanations. But that was the first time somebody has offered me alcohol since I started sobriety. I'm glad it was not complicated.
Yes, my big project is done, well almost. I still have some billing things to handle, etc. But, that pressure has now passed, and I am grateful that things went quite well despite some hiccups. I took a nap this afternoon to celebrate.
Isn't today your 11 months, Willow? You're on the final days to a big anniversary, we all are, and that will be great to mark when it comes. I'm so happy that we are all doing so well with what has been a tumultuous time -- coming up one one year of putting aside that drink for better things.
Happy days ahead for all of us!
I was offered, encouraged to have, a drink at our conference happy hour last night. It was easy to decline, as I was still working, and it never had to go further with explanations. But that was the first time somebody has offered me alcohol since I started sobriety. I'm glad it was not complicated.
Yes, my big project is done, well almost. I still have some billing things to handle, etc. But, that pressure has now passed, and I am grateful that things went quite well despite some hiccups. I took a nap this afternoon to celebrate.
Isn't today your 11 months, Willow? You're on the final days to a big anniversary, we all are, and that will be great to mark when it comes. I'm so happy that we are all doing so well with what has been a tumultuous time -- coming up one one year of putting aside that drink for better things.
Happy days ahead for all of us!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
Congratulations on your 11 months Willow
Well done Guener.
Hope everyone here is well.
I was out last night and surrounded by people drinking and there wasn't even a whisper from my AV. I had a lovely time but am wondering if I should be suspicious of the 'silence'. It's been quiet for a few weeks now. It's nice but feels quite strange too.
Hi Free, Bumble, Dee, all
Well done Guener.
Hope everyone here is well.
I was out last night and surrounded by people drinking and there wasn't even a whisper from my AV. I had a lovely time but am wondering if I should be suspicious of the 'silence'. It's been quiet for a few weeks now. It's nice but feels quite strange too.
Hi Free, Bumble, Dee, all
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,602
Hi John
At some point I knew that even if I heard the AV again, it no longer held any sway over me.
I'm still ready if it ever pops up tho.
I think 'be prepared" is a good motto for the scouts and for alcoholics in recovery'
D
At some point I knew that even if I heard the AV again, it no longer held any sway over me.
I'm still ready if it ever pops up tho.
I think 'be prepared" is a good motto for the scouts and for alcoholics in recovery'
D
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
I am grateful Guener, very much so. At this stage of my sobriety I've actually found going out to gigs etc. to be therapeutic and rewarding.
I think that may be where I'm at now Dee and yes, it's good to be prepared and I am in no way complacent about things.
I think that may be where I'm at now Dee and yes, it's good to be prepared and I am in no way complacent about things.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Hi willow, guener, John, free and Dee!
Congrats willow on 11 months.
I haven’t posted in a while.. I don’t think I posted since March. I cannot believe it is already April 14th! Time is literally flying by.
March was a rough rough month for me. My husband was working nights and we weren’t getting along. He is a different person when he works nights. I don’t blame him, I couldn’t imagine working all night and sleeping during the day. It’s not natural.
Everyone wasn’t feeling good. Both my daughters had the flu, and one got strep. My husband was also sick. It was exhausting for me.
i also heard AV a lot in March. It kept telling me ‘this is why you drank...it will be better if you drink.’ It is hilariously crazy to think my AV is telling me things will be better- when we all know it is hell on earth.
april is better, much better. My husband is back on day shifts. My house is healthy again. It is warming up and the kids are playing outside. And this week is spring break here. So, no school, no dance, no piano lessons.. i am truly looking forward to some time at home.
Sometimes i feel like I am a stay in the car mom... instead of a stay at home mom.
And- my husband told me he wants to take me to an overnight trip to nemacolin (a very nice resort) for my one year anniversary.
AV is quiet again, I’ve had a few of those days when I think- ‘wow, I didn’t think of alcohol all day.’ While drinking, I would think of drinking the second my eyes opened. And sometimes go drink.
keep up the sober work everyone.
Bumble
Congrats willow on 11 months.
I haven’t posted in a while.. I don’t think I posted since March. I cannot believe it is already April 14th! Time is literally flying by.
March was a rough rough month for me. My husband was working nights and we weren’t getting along. He is a different person when he works nights. I don’t blame him, I couldn’t imagine working all night and sleeping during the day. It’s not natural.
Everyone wasn’t feeling good. Both my daughters had the flu, and one got strep. My husband was also sick. It was exhausting for me.
i also heard AV a lot in March. It kept telling me ‘this is why you drank...it will be better if you drink.’ It is hilariously crazy to think my AV is telling me things will be better- when we all know it is hell on earth.
april is better, much better. My husband is back on day shifts. My house is healthy again. It is warming up and the kids are playing outside. And this week is spring break here. So, no school, no dance, no piano lessons.. i am truly looking forward to some time at home.
Sometimes i feel like I am a stay in the car mom... instead of a stay at home mom.
And- my husband told me he wants to take me to an overnight trip to nemacolin (a very nice resort) for my one year anniversary.
AV is quiet again, I’ve had a few of those days when I think- ‘wow, I didn’t think of alcohol all day.’ While drinking, I would think of drinking the second my eyes opened. And sometimes go drink.
keep up the sober work everyone.
Bumble
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Hey there, Bumblebee! I am also glad to have March behind me and to see some days ahead where things will be more normal. The vision of your kids being outdoors playing is a great one to come back to when things seem difficult. Good advice to all of us to keep up the sober work, it's so important.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,358
Great to hear from you bumble!
Guener, congratulations on your completion of your project.
Willow, congrats on your 11 months!
Hi John! Great to hear from you!
I just realized as I was getting my coffee that I had a drinking dream last night talking about the AV wearing it’s ugly head. And the red wine tasted great in my dream! What the heck.
46 weeks today for me.
Been going to Steamboat Springs for the weekends the last three weekends. Not sure about this fellow, as I’m taking things slow. As he points out, it is hard to get to know someone from far away, and we have both been through times where we have been duped by people that live far away because they hide all of their demons and skeletons.
But I know who I am. And I am golden. I am an authentic person and I want to be wanted by someone who is not going to be mean to me and who loves me for who I am.
It is almost 6 AM by me and I’m getting ready for work and having my coffee and checking in on my family here.
Last week was a little bit brutal. I still feel very lost and challenged at work. I’m not sure if I’m up to par, but I do like the fact that they are challenging me. Some of the workers challenge me in a nice way and some don’t.
Well I can only do the best that I can.
Whoever saw my house yesterday seem to be interested, so please keep your fingers crossed that that is off of my back soon.
Positives? Steamboat is a lovely place and the drive is great, and the guy seems to be nice. We plan on going camping in Utah in a couple weeks. He is buying a horse so that we can go riding together up in the mountains.
I had to change my cell phone service and my sister got me onto their farm business plan and my bill will only be about $25 a month.
I still weigh only 114 pounds, but I haven’t lost anymore weight, and I seem to be plateaued out there for the past month, so that is good.
My love to everyone!
Dee, I saw that you have had back problems lately on another thread. I think it was the April 2018 class that I have been lurking on. That can be the absolute worst. Please take care of your back because we only get one. I’m glad it seems to be feeling better. And also, thanks for your never ending support. I don’t know how you are everywhere on this whole site, but you are. Your input and comments greatly affect many many lives. In a positive way, of course!
Best,
Guener, congratulations on your completion of your project.
Willow, congrats on your 11 months!
Hi John! Great to hear from you!
I just realized as I was getting my coffee that I had a drinking dream last night talking about the AV wearing it’s ugly head. And the red wine tasted great in my dream! What the heck.
46 weeks today for me.
Been going to Steamboat Springs for the weekends the last three weekends. Not sure about this fellow, as I’m taking things slow. As he points out, it is hard to get to know someone from far away, and we have both been through times where we have been duped by people that live far away because they hide all of their demons and skeletons.
But I know who I am. And I am golden. I am an authentic person and I want to be wanted by someone who is not going to be mean to me and who loves me for who I am.
It is almost 6 AM by me and I’m getting ready for work and having my coffee and checking in on my family here.
Last week was a little bit brutal. I still feel very lost and challenged at work. I’m not sure if I’m up to par, but I do like the fact that they are challenging me. Some of the workers challenge me in a nice way and some don’t.
Well I can only do the best that I can.
Whoever saw my house yesterday seem to be interested, so please keep your fingers crossed that that is off of my back soon.
Positives? Steamboat is a lovely place and the drive is great, and the guy seems to be nice. We plan on going camping in Utah in a couple weeks. He is buying a horse so that we can go riding together up in the mountains.
I had to change my cell phone service and my sister got me onto their farm business plan and my bill will only be about $25 a month.
I still weigh only 114 pounds, but I haven’t lost anymore weight, and I seem to be plateaued out there for the past month, so that is good.
My love to everyone!
Dee, I saw that you have had back problems lately on another thread. I think it was the April 2018 class that I have been lurking on. That can be the absolute worst. Please take care of your back because we only get one. I’m glad it seems to be feeling better. And also, thanks for your never ending support. I don’t know how you are everywhere on this whole site, but you are. Your input and comments greatly affect many many lives. In a positive way, of course!
Best,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
You are special, Free, and I'm glad that you know that about yourself. So, it's fine to let things develop as they may with a relationship to see that it, too, is as true as you are to yourself and to us. As is said, take it easy.
A big reason I was able to get through that project was I kept telling myself that I was going to do the best that I could. I didn't let the imperfections in how it played out bother me. I stepped up when I could, took the help available to me from where it was offered and meant something to me and how things could play out. You'll find things will even out as you get your sea legs, even if you feel seasick at times.
Today is 11 months for me. Not all of the days are easy, but I'm feeling pretty fine right now. I thought I might feel like having a drink after the letdown that comes with finishing something big in my cycle of things, but I didn't experience that at all. That's a change for me that I'm grateful for today.
A big reason I was able to get through that project was I kept telling myself that I was going to do the best that I could. I didn't let the imperfections in how it played out bother me. I stepped up when I could, took the help available to me from where it was offered and meant something to me and how things could play out. You'll find things will even out as you get your sea legs, even if you feel seasick at times.
Today is 11 months for me. Not all of the days are easy, but I'm feeling pretty fine right now. I thought I might feel like having a drink after the letdown that comes with finishing something big in my cycle of things, but I didn't experience that at all. That's a change for me that I'm grateful for today.
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