24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 383
This is so sad...Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 1,715
Checking in at 19.06.
Very sorry to read of so many struggles going on out there.
I want to send extra love to:
Kris - sorry about your loss
Sunflower - I REALLY sympathise with what you've got going on
Venus - Oh my God! Thank goodness you're OK! x
Gabe - You've really been through it. Time for some self-care, rest, be gentle with yourself
Snufkin - I really hope you feel better soon, and if not, don't hesitate to call one of the numbers already given
And everyone else, take care, look after yourselves
Very sorry to read of so many struggles going on out there.
I want to send extra love to:
Kris - sorry about your loss
Sunflower - I REALLY sympathise with what you've got going on
Venus - Oh my God! Thank goodness you're OK! x
Gabe - You've really been through it. Time for some self-care, rest, be gentle with yourself
Snufkin - I really hope you feel better soon, and if not, don't hesitate to call one of the numbers already given
And everyone else, take care, look after yourselves
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Originally Posted by Yixi 
I am so sorry to hear that many are struggling at the moment. The following famous poem by Max Ehrmann is beautiful - as are we;
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
There is light at the end of every tunnel - please keep it in sight. Love Yix x
(24 more for me too please. Thank you).
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
There is light at the end of every tunnel - please keep it in sight. Love Yix x
(24 more for me too please. Thank you).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by venuscat
So many hugs.... ♥
I don't talk about it all here, but it is the same for me and always has been.
Before I drank, I ate. When I was 21, I was 202 pounds. I am 5 foot 3/4. It was unbelievably painful....now I am around (I will never set foot on scales again in my life) 57 - 60 kilos...so 125 -130 pounds. Size 4-6. It is CRUCIAL for my mental health that I remember that I am powerless over food because I react to any bad eating that I do the same way as you do....it makes me so miserable. It makes me despise myself.
I monitor my eating very carefully. I have to make sure I eat (I became so afraid of food years ago that I kind of stopped and messed up my hunger reflex) and I plan as many meals in advance as possible. That way I don't have to think about food too much.....if I start looking at recipes and things I will obsess....yep.....craziness. My whole life.
♥♥♥
I don't talk about it all here, but it is the same for me and always has been.
Before I drank, I ate. When I was 21, I was 202 pounds. I am 5 foot 3/4. It was unbelievably painful....now I am around (I will never set foot on scales again in my life) 57 - 60 kilos...so 125 -130 pounds. Size 4-6. It is CRUCIAL for my mental health that I remember that I am powerless over food because I react to any bad eating that I do the same way as you do....it makes me so miserable. It makes me despise myself.
I monitor my eating very carefully. I have to make sure I eat (I became so afraid of food years ago that I kind of stopped and messed up my hunger reflex) and I plan as many meals in advance as possible. That way I don't have to think about food too much.....if I start looking at recipes and things I will obsess....yep.....craziness. My whole life.
♥♥♥Thank you Suze for sharing that -We really are similar in a lot of ways. I was borderline anorexic at 2 points in my life- then bulimic and now just left with the binge eating. It sounds like you have been through so much- I am inspired by you and all the changes you have made in your life. So do you abstain from all sweeteners and flour? I am just having a hard time with the idea of NEVER having them again? And I know I went through this when i got sober but man, it feels different since it's just food, you know?
Did you ever do the steps or go to OA?? My other question is this- if we are simply addicted and our brain chemistry is the issue, why do we do the steps and basically say we are flawed and need to make amends? I guess I don't understand that part. We are saying it's not our fault on the one hand and then saying we made a lifetime of mistake on the other. I'd love your thoughts on this. The FB group I joined recommends 12 step recovery but I'm trying to wrap my head around it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
Oh gosh.....I will explain the steps a bit more for sure Sunflower love.....they are not actually about saying we made a lifetime of mistakes and are admitting fault...they are a beautiful way to cleanse ourselves from the inside....we look at where we were at fault in our lives, sure, and share that with our sponsors and with God (if you believe) and are freed of these mistakes. The step that addresses making amends is also for us, for our good...we get to release ourselves from our guilt. We learn that doing our best to say sorry is good enough and we learn to let go of the pain we brought upon ourselves.
In fact the steps are pretty much the way you live your life....with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, and spirituality is the key. Which you have in spades.
I will find the best explanation/meaning of each step and post it or send it to you.
I am AA....never went to OA because I didn't know about it back then, but I went to all of these weight-loss groups, sigh, my mum went with me. One was called TOWN, take off weight naturally, and you got weighed as you went in. If you put on weight, you had to stand up and say "I'm a pig". Really.
No wonder I am so compassionate now. That was some kind of terrible.
Food full stop is my issue.....not sugar or flour per se, but I can't eat much sugar at all and I definitely don't eat white flour, not a chance.
In fact the steps are pretty much the way you live your life....with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, and spirituality is the key. Which you have in spades.
I will find the best explanation/meaning of each step and post it or send it to you.
I am AA....never went to OA because I didn't know about it back then, but I went to all of these weight-loss groups, sigh, my mum went with me. One was called TOWN, take off weight naturally, and you got weighed as you went in. If you put on weight, you had to stand up and say "I'm a pig". Really.
No wonder I am so compassionate now. That was some kind of terrible.
Food full stop is my issue.....not sugar or flour per se, but I can't eat much sugar at all and I definitely don't eat white flour, not a chance.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
Can't go back to where I came from - need another 24 hrs. please.
Praying for Santa Fe High. I have no idea what the answer is - how we stop this. I just know hiding from bad things by drinking accomplishes nothing. Took me ages to get that.
Love to all.
Praying for Santa Fe High. I have no idea what the answer is - how we stop this. I just know hiding from bad things by drinking accomplishes nothing. Took me ages to get that.
Love to all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Okay so it is over. I can't believe it. Absolutely zero hope of a reconciliation.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
((((JoJo)))))
How I wish that we could take away your pain. Breakups are so awful.
I am so glad you are communicating with an SR friend.
Please stay close here, too. We love you; there is nothing wrong with you; you have grown so much in the last several months; the change will be ongoing.
My sincere belief is that there is a better and more fulfilling relationship in your future.
Allow yourself time to grieve. You wouldn’t be normal if you were not hurting.
How I wish that we could take away your pain. Breakups are so awful.
I am so glad you are communicating with an SR friend.
Please stay close here, too. We love you; there is nothing wrong with you; you have grown so much in the last several months; the change will be ongoing.
My sincere belief is that there is a better and more fulfilling relationship in your future.
Allow yourself time to grieve. You wouldn’t be normal if you were not hurting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Thank you Leigh.
I guess it is a grieving process of sorts. This has never really happened to me before.
Sorry again I won't hog the thread it's just a bad night ❤❤❤
I guess it is a grieving process of sorts. This has never really happened to me before.
Sorry again I won't hog the thread it's just a bad night ❤❤❤
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Okay so it is over. I can't believe it. Absolutely zero hope of a reconciliation.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Okay so it is over. I can't believe it. Absolutely zero hope of a reconciliation.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
Man.....I did terrible things.....should have left you when you did that??? that is emotional blackmail and manipulation and cruelty.
We are not broken....we were ill...and we have fought DANG hard to be better.....do not let this derail you....
And alone? Cope alone? You could cope with anything, and you are NOT alone....not by a long shot....you have your girls and family and me and us.....
OK....no more harsh stuff....just love.....I can't do tough love anyway. Useless. You'd think with a dad from London and a mum from Glasgow I'd be better at it....gosh they were tough.
Love you....this is going to be OK.
I promise.
And so will you. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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