Okay so it is over. I can't believe it. Absolutely zero hope of a reconciliation.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.