Originally Posted by
joandmelandhan 
Okay so it is over. I can't believe it. Absolutely zero hope of a reconciliation.
The silence was broken and I so wish it hadn't been.
I won't cope alone.
I never have.
Ever.
I can't face it.
I've been fighting the urge to drink for over an hour now. I know I can't give up now but it HURTS.
I'm ashamed at my behaviour. He said he should have left that time I got the knife out and he's right. I'm not right in the head.
How can I seriously expect to be well-adjusted after 16 years of chronic alcohol abuse? Stupid.
I'm home alone with nothing except my own twisted thoughts for company. Sorry no a dear friend from this thread is messaging me. I'd be drinking if she hadn't and I am so grateful for that.
Why now?
I was slowly getting better. Now like the volatile little girl I am it's all crashing down and I'm frightened.
Please don't let me drink tonight.
I don't know what to do.
I just want him back.
Pathetic......
I'm sorry to go on I know I'm a lucky person with a good life but God I'm in pain. I've blown it and it hurts.
Far out love.....pull yourself together....this is not you, not at all.
Man.....I did terrible things.....should have left you when you did that??? that is emotional blackmail and manipulation and cruelty.
We are not broken....we were ill...and we have fought DANG hard to be better.....do not let this derail you....
And alone? Cope alone? You could cope with anything, and you are NOT alone....not by a long shot....you have your girls and family and me and us.....
OK....no more harsh stuff....just love.....I can't do tough love anyway. Useless. You'd think with a dad from London and a mum from Glasgow I'd be better at it....gosh they were tough.
Love you....this is going to be OK.
I promise.
And so will you. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥