Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by NewChapterJan18 
It’s all about small, sustainable changes if we’re going to succeed in the long term! Which is part of why so many of us have relapsed many times. I think ‘ordering the pizza’ (or whatever your equivalent is!) is necessary to sustain our motivation and give us the strength to focus on sobriety and the other gradual changes we are making - it’s a process after all. Exercise, reducing sugar and staying sober is PLENTY. I hope your enjoyed the pizza! We didn’t get here overnight and we won’t change overnight either! :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by Offthemast
Hey Numblady! This part of your post resonated with me. Be very careful with these thoughts. I found myself constantly romanticizing that beer in the sun. I figured, "I'll figure it out then" but all it did was fuel an obsession in me to the point I just drank. I think any thoughts like this have to be squashed. "I don't care about a drink by the pool or beach. I don't drink. " I didn't have the excuse of warm weather, I never took the option off the table and I caved before I knew what happened.
Good luck. Great job everyone. Got my BB and I'll be attending a beginners AA meeting Monday.
Good luck. Great job everyone. Got my BB and I'll be attending a beginners AA meeting Monday.
Day 26 for me and 26/26 of 90/90 check ins. I’ve just finished a really engaging 2 day training course for work and really enjoyed it. My husband hasn’t had a great day though and his reaction to stress or disappointment is always to blow it off by drinking. I’ve agreed to go out for dinner, but have told him that I’d prefer not to go to a club afterwards (he’s very into dance music and wants to go see a DJ playing tonight). We’ll talk more when we both get home, but I’m hoping I can avoid the club part without feeling like my not drinking is impacting on him and his fun.
I’m just going to keep reminding myself that whatever negative feelings I may have to endure around being a ‘wet blanket’ or any real or perceived annoyance to my husband for not wanting to go to the club, it would be SO MUCH WORSE to have to struggle through the club and avoid drinking, and worse, risking relapsing and waking up tomorrow having thrown all my hard work away. I guess it’s a matter of prioritisation sometimes, and not just a simple ‘good/bad’ decision.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,914
In the good news department: I figured out how to make a tiny *and so far super annoying keyboard work with my phone!
In the less good news department today my life feels unmanageable even without drinking. It has been feeling that way a lot lately primarily because of work. Human services but so dehumanizing. It’s a relentless gauntlet of deadlines, politics, huge mandates, complaints, personnel issues, impossible tasks, etc. Then after day was already bad, my father in law had a stroke. Unclear how bad the damage is but I know my husband is going to be super upset. They haven’t had the best relationship and both are alcoholics when you get right down to it. That’s less his concern but i feel Ike it was part of the unhealthy relationship i know he will grieve
Speaking of husbands New Chapter I can really relate. I haven’t asked my husband to make any changes *he says he has cut down but that means like 9 drinks instead of 10. As an aside I am remembering why i quit using this keyboard. It’s programmed for some other alphabet/language/settings so all the punctuation is off even though the keys look normal. Fun! Well the exclamation point works so that is something. And the period! Anyhow, I set up a date night with my husband for tomorrow and while I’m excited to have some adult time I’m also dreading it because he will drink heavily and, well, I wont. It can still be fun but i don’t know. Good luck to you as well. I think you are right to say no to the club.
I really don\t have a recovery plan. In part because I’m still only committing to 100 days, thereby leaving myself an “out”. I know that’s not right but I’m trying to be open about it in hopes I’ll get my act together.
Sorry for kind of whiny post. Can i just say how impressed I am with those of you who are also watching your diets? Way to embrace healthfulness! Someday I aspire to get there overall. For now I”m like others in terms of just focusing on not drinking.
Gotta go refinance our house! Because there just wasn\t enough going on! Take care.
In the less good news department today my life feels unmanageable even without drinking. It has been feeling that way a lot lately primarily because of work. Human services but so dehumanizing. It’s a relentless gauntlet of deadlines, politics, huge mandates, complaints, personnel issues, impossible tasks, etc. Then after day was already bad, my father in law had a stroke. Unclear how bad the damage is but I know my husband is going to be super upset. They haven’t had the best relationship and both are alcoholics when you get right down to it. That’s less his concern but i feel Ike it was part of the unhealthy relationship i know he will grieve
Speaking of husbands New Chapter I can really relate. I haven’t asked my husband to make any changes *he says he has cut down but that means like 9 drinks instead of 10. As an aside I am remembering why i quit using this keyboard. It’s programmed for some other alphabet/language/settings so all the punctuation is off even though the keys look normal. Fun! Well the exclamation point works so that is something. And the period! Anyhow, I set up a date night with my husband for tomorrow and while I’m excited to have some adult time I’m also dreading it because he will drink heavily and, well, I wont. It can still be fun but i don’t know. Good luck to you as well. I think you are right to say no to the club.
I really don\t have a recovery plan. In part because I’m still only committing to 100 days, thereby leaving myself an “out”. I know that’s not right but I’m trying to be open about it in hopes I’ll get my act together.
Sorry for kind of whiny post. Can i just say how impressed I am with those of you who are also watching your diets? Way to embrace healthfulness! Someday I aspire to get there overall. For now I”m like others in terms of just focusing on not drinking.
Gotta go refinance our house! Because there just wasn\t enough going on! Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by PalmerSage
Day 53. I cannot even entertain the thought of a drink. When thoughts of drinking do emerge, I need to shut them down by replacing the romantic version with the real version. JC-NY, you commented that your slip was caused by that, right?
1) Never drink alcohol again. Not one sip. Ever. Alcohol has no place in my life any more
2) If I find my mind romanticizing the idea of alcohol in any way shut down that thought immediately. Should a craving come, immediately go on SR and ask permission to drink alcohol
3) Visit and post on SR at least once every single day
When I slipped I foolishly decided to drink during a night out after having over six months sober. Then I kept telling myself that I'd get back on track "tomorrow" but that didn't happen for 3+ months. With me I've never really tried to moderate in the sense of having only one or two because I want more than that! It was more about trying to drink less frequently which I failed at. So yeah, I don't drink normally and am better off with total abstinence.
Here's something I saved about relapses. I know it's kinda long, but is worth reading-
RELAPSES
It is VERY important to remember relapse happens way before the first drink. Recognizing that and being able to reach out and double down the efforts on our sobriety plan becomes a little easier if we can remember or recognize our own signs of being on the relapse ladder.
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were drinking.
The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, and you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing.
The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about drinking for no apparent reason.
Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to drink and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my wife is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out.
On the next rung, you actually get the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...
If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you.
So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs.
Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by Numblady
In the good news department: I figured out how to make a tiny *and so far super annoying keyboard work with my phone!
In the less good news department today my life feels unmanageable even without drinking. It has been feeling that way a lot lately primarily because of work. Human services but so dehumanizing. It’s a relentless gauntlet of deadlines, politics, huge mandates, complaints, personnel issues, impossible tasks, etc. Then after day was already bad, my father in law had a stroke. Unclear how bad the damage is but I know my husband is going to be super upset. They haven’t had the best relationship and both are alcoholics when you get right down to it. That’s less his concern but i feel Ike it was part of the unhealthy relationship i know he will grieve
Speaking of husbands New Chapter I can really relate. I haven’t asked my husband to make any changes *he says he has cut down but that means like 9 drinks instead of 10. As an aside I am remembering why i quit using this keyboard. It’s programmed for some other alphabet/language/settings so all the punctuation is off even though the keys look normal. Fun! Well the exclamation point works so that is something. And the period! Anyhow, I set up a date night with my husband for tomorrow and while I’m excited to have some adult time I’m also dreading it because he will drink heavily and, well, I wont. It can still be fun but i don’t know. Good luck to you as well. I think you are right to say no to the club.
I really don\t have a recovery plan. In part because I’m still only committing to 100 days, thereby leaving myself an “out”. I know that’s not right but I’m trying to be open about it in hopes I’ll get my act together.
Sorry for kind of whiny post. Can i just say how impressed I am with those of you who are also watching your diets? Way to embrace healthfulness! Someday I aspire to get there overall. For now I”m like others in terms of just focusing on not drinking.
Gotta go refinance our house! Because there just wasn\t enough going on! Take care.
In the less good news department today my life feels unmanageable even without drinking. It has been feeling that way a lot lately primarily because of work. Human services but so dehumanizing. It’s a relentless gauntlet of deadlines, politics, huge mandates, complaints, personnel issues, impossible tasks, etc. Then after day was already bad, my father in law had a stroke. Unclear how bad the damage is but I know my husband is going to be super upset. They haven’t had the best relationship and both are alcoholics when you get right down to it. That’s less his concern but i feel Ike it was part of the unhealthy relationship i know he will grieve
Speaking of husbands New Chapter I can really relate. I haven’t asked my husband to make any changes *he says he has cut down but that means like 9 drinks instead of 10. As an aside I am remembering why i quit using this keyboard. It’s programmed for some other alphabet/language/settings so all the punctuation is off even though the keys look normal. Fun! Well the exclamation point works so that is something. And the period! Anyhow, I set up a date night with my husband for tomorrow and while I’m excited to have some adult time I’m also dreading it because he will drink heavily and, well, I wont. It can still be fun but i don’t know. Good luck to you as well. I think you are right to say no to the club.
I really don\t have a recovery plan. In part because I’m still only committing to 100 days, thereby leaving myself an “out”. I know that’s not right but I’m trying to be open about it in hopes I’ll get my act together.
Sorry for kind of whiny post. Can i just say how impressed I am with those of you who are also watching your diets? Way to embrace healthfulness! Someday I aspire to get there overall. For now I”m like others in terms of just focusing on not drinking.
Gotta go refinance our house! Because there just wasn\t enough going on! Take care.
Yeah - my husband is a big drinker, he used to be big into the party scene (we both were for the first few years of our relationship) but has settled down a lot now and drinks far less/goes out a lot less frequently. However as he is not a ‘problem drinker’ and is happy enough with where his relationship with alcohol is now (and to be honest so am I - I have no issue with his current drinking behaviour) it is a little bit trickier for me to navigate sobriety. Thankfully he is very respectful and supportive. I just feel like I’m a dampener on the ‘fun’ sometimes, even though I know I would end up getting messy and spoiling the ‘fun’ in reality! Just have to keep reminding myself of that fact.
Thankfully we just went to a bar after dinner, one which serves herbal tea! We’ll be heading home now, so dodged the club for tonight. Just too soon right now to be putting myself in the way of temptation I feel!
Have a safe, sober night all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by JC-NY
Hey Palmer, I think you're referring to this plan I copied -
1) Never drink alcohol again. Not one sip. Ever. Alcohol has no place in my life any more
2) If I find my mind romanticizing the idea of alcohol in any way shut down that thought immediately. Should a craving come, immediately go on SR and ask permission to drink alcohol
3) Visit and post on SR at least once every single day
When I slipped I foolishly decided to drink during a night out after having over six months sober. Then I kept telling myself that I'd get back on track "tomorrow" but that didn't happen for 3+ months. With me I've never really tried to moderate in the sense of having only one or two because I want more than that! It was more about trying to drink less frequently which I failed at. So yeah, I don't drink normally and am better off with total abstinence.
Here's something I saved about relapses. I know it's kinda long, but is worth reading-
RELAPSES
It is VERY important to remember relapse happens way before the first drink. Recognizing that and being able to reach out and double down the efforts on our sobriety plan becomes a little easier if we can remember or recognize our own signs of being on the relapse ladder.
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were drinking.
The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, and you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing.
The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about drinking for no apparent reason.
Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to drink and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my wife is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out.
On the next rung, you actually get the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...
If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you.
So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs.
Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
1) Never drink alcohol again. Not one sip. Ever. Alcohol has no place in my life any more
2) If I find my mind romanticizing the idea of alcohol in any way shut down that thought immediately. Should a craving come, immediately go on SR and ask permission to drink alcohol
3) Visit and post on SR at least once every single day
When I slipped I foolishly decided to drink during a night out after having over six months sober. Then I kept telling myself that I'd get back on track "tomorrow" but that didn't happen for 3+ months. With me I've never really tried to moderate in the sense of having only one or two because I want more than that! It was more about trying to drink less frequently which I failed at. So yeah, I don't drink normally and am better off with total abstinence.
Here's something I saved about relapses. I know it's kinda long, but is worth reading-
RELAPSES
It is VERY important to remember relapse happens way before the first drink. Recognizing that and being able to reach out and double down the efforts on our sobriety plan becomes a little easier if we can remember or recognize our own signs of being on the relapse ladder.
Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were drinking.
The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.
The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, and you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing.
The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.
The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about drinking for no apparent reason.
Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to drink and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my wife is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out.
On the next rung, you actually get the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...
If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you.
So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs.
Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.
Thank you for sharing - I am going to ‘double down’ on my efforts for sure to get off that relapse ladder!!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Congrats to everyone on your milestones 
Numblady - I hope you will go beyond 100 days. Don;t confuse abstinence for control. I really believe if I drink again I'll be right back where I used to be.
Don't be scared of a plan either. This explains why I think everyone needs a plan - even if it makes your AV nervous.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
D
Numblady - I hope you will go beyond 100 days. Don;t confuse abstinence for control. I really believe if I drink again I'll be right back where I used to be.
Don't be scared of a plan either. This explains why I think everyone needs a plan - even if it makes your AV nervous.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Again @JC, very nice and very accurate though to be honest I seem to go from step 2 straight to nine. "remember those good times, sure you're not that bad anyway, a few beers won't hurt" boom! Stopping it at the memory step is key I agree..."yeah sure there were some good times, even amazing times, but there were also times when you also died and lost your marriage and since this b1@ch is progressive you don't go back to amazing you go back to losing everything". Start of day 20 here and feeling good. Work is pretty tough right now but I feel like I have unlimited energy even though my sleep is a little disjointed. Will take the family ice skating today and then a nice dinner after. Still little in the way of cravings.
Next week is a tougher one. I have a work related reunion. This is a group of approx 10 that worked together until 4 years ago. I was the manager and its the first reunion we have had as a group. We all became good friends and most stayed in touch. Here is the kicker, we were all work hard play hard types and all heavy, heavy drinkers. Think of a bunch of western expats out of control in Asia. I would guess that at least half the group are alcoholics/problem drinkers by now. The date was arranged 3 months ago around my flying back to Europe (we all live in different places now) so I can't pull out. I mean, I know I can, but I couldn't. I have told the group I am on the wagon and won't be drinking and you can imagine the responses "don't be so ridiculous" etc etc etc. So I am going to go and white knuckle it if I have to. I feel in good enough a space right now to handle it. It will be from 8pm Friday to 10am Sunday. My plan is to eat, eat, eat.
Next week is a tougher one. I have a work related reunion. This is a group of approx 10 that worked together until 4 years ago. I was the manager and its the first reunion we have had as a group. We all became good friends and most stayed in touch. Here is the kicker, we were all work hard play hard types and all heavy, heavy drinkers. Think of a bunch of western expats out of control in Asia. I would guess that at least half the group are alcoholics/problem drinkers by now. The date was arranged 3 months ago around my flying back to Europe (we all live in different places now) so I can't pull out. I mean, I know I can, but I couldn't. I have told the group I am on the wagon and won't be drinking and you can imagine the responses "don't be so ridiculous" etc etc etc. So I am going to go and white knuckle it if I have to. I feel in good enough a space right now to handle it. It will be from 8pm Friday to 10am Sunday. My plan is to eat, eat, eat.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Good morning everyone.
It’s quiet here so I hope everyone is ok.
Today I am going to a meeting and doing housework. Husband didn’t drink all week but he’s moody and I know it’s because he wants to. I’ve never understood the term dry drunk until dealing with him. I’m so thankful that I have a different life in recovery that I love and I pray he will find the benefits of not drinking as well. But if not c’est la vie. I’m just gonna keep working on being the best person like me enjoying this life !
It’s quiet here so I hope everyone is ok.
Today I am going to a meeting and doing housework. Husband didn’t drink all week but he’s moody and I know it’s because he wants to. I’ve never understood the term dry drunk until dealing with him. I’m so thankful that I have a different life in recovery that I love and I pray he will find the benefits of not drinking as well. But if not c’est la vie. I’m just gonna keep working on being the best person like me enjoying this life !
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,914
Morning! I’m here. Feeling better today. Still not totally enthused about the date with my husband who will drink heavily but I am grateful to have something to look forward to after I kick my own a$$ with work this afternoon. Also grateful I am not in my old drinking ways. Had two extra kids sleep over last night. One of them got sick during the night. They woke me up for help and instead of feeling terrible and sick myself with a mouth dry like it was stuffed with insulation or bad tasting cotton candy I felt clear headed and well. Was able to deal with it and get him home without being in a haze. Then I read a bit more and went back to sleep. Healthy! These are the gifts of sobriety I need to focus on.
Dee how are you able to stay so on top of all these forums? It is seriously amazing. And another gift for which I am grateful!
Dee how are you able to stay so on top of all these forums? It is seriously amazing. And another gift for which I am grateful!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
JC-NY, thank you so much for posting this! I don't recall seeing it before, and is it extremely helpful. I can recall two times when I relapsed after accumulating some sober time: The first was when I was stressed about going to a party, so I drank wine and kept going, and the second was following an argument. In both cases, it was what I would describe as "emotional upset." Since I was a closet drinker who mostly drank alone, it wasn't really happy or social after a while (also, I hate the thought of embarrassing myself in public), it was just a "release valve" for bad feelings. Exactly this:
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion.
So, as ubnt said, I feel like I unconsciously skipped a bunch of steps to arrive here, which was quickly followed by a drink. And since drinking is off the table as a coping mechanism, this is telling me that I need to continue to work on new ways to cope, but also, recognize that I have some underlying issues that I probably need to address. As a WASP, this will be a challenge, but one I must respond to.
numblady and NC, I can relate to the challenges of a drinking spouse. Mine does not have a problem, but it is precisely why alcoholism is a completely foreign concept. Recently, I realized that this is my problem to deal with, with or without emotional support at home. But I also need to be very clear about what I will and won't do to protect my sobriety, which doesn't always go over well (I hate conflict, and drank to avoid it...see above) but as "they" say, if nothing changes, nothing changes, right? Especially in the very early days.
I hope everyone has a great, sober day. The weather is gray and gloomy here, so I plan to get out and maybe even do a good deed for someone else. Day 54. Thank God this class is here.
The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion.
So, as ubnt said, I feel like I unconsciously skipped a bunch of steps to arrive here, which was quickly followed by a drink. And since drinking is off the table as a coping mechanism, this is telling me that I need to continue to work on new ways to cope, but also, recognize that I have some underlying issues that I probably need to address. As a WASP, this will be a challenge, but one I must respond to.
numblady and NC, I can relate to the challenges of a drinking spouse. Mine does not have a problem, but it is precisely why alcoholism is a completely foreign concept. Recently, I realized that this is my problem to deal with, with or without emotional support at home. But I also need to be very clear about what I will and won't do to protect my sobriety, which doesn't always go over well (I hate conflict, and drank to avoid it...see above) but as "they" say, if nothing changes, nothing changes, right? Especially in the very early days.
I hope everyone has a great, sober day. The weather is gray and gloomy here, so I plan to get out and maybe even do a good deed for someone else. Day 54. Thank God this class is here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
@Numblady: How is your father in law doing? Well done on handling the ill fated sleepover - these truly are the small yet significant enhancements to our every day lives living alcohol free. Having a clear head is invaluable for dealing with the unforeseens that come our way!
@Ubntubnt: Enjoy ice skating with your family. I understand your tricky scenario re: meet up with ex colleagues - I’ve a birthday party to go to next Saturday that I agreed to months ago and can’t get out of for similar reasons (haven’t seen this particular friend in over a year, etc.). There will be people there who I don’t necessarily want to see, and it will be in one of the old clubs from my parting days. I am resolved to stay sober though. For this situation, I actually don’t have any inclination to drink. I will be so happy to get home that night knowing I can wake up the next morning fresh and unburdened with the remorse, guilt and hangover of drinking - and you will too after meeting with your old colleagues!
@Sunflower: I’m sorry things are still rough with your husband. I know what it’s like to be working sobriety and have to manage or work around someone jonesing for drinks/drinking. Just try to stay focused on your journey and achievements and let this pass.
Day 27 for me and 27/27 of 90/90 check-ins. I was SO happy to wake up this morning well rested after date night with my husband where we went to a restaurant and a bar afterwards in which I ordered herbal tea! We were home reasonably early and I got up early this morning for my Bikram Yoga. Feeling so fresh and happy that I am on this sober journey. Have a wonderful day, Class!
@Ubntubnt: Enjoy ice skating with your family. I understand your tricky scenario re: meet up with ex colleagues - I’ve a birthday party to go to next Saturday that I agreed to months ago and can’t get out of for similar reasons (haven’t seen this particular friend in over a year, etc.). There will be people there who I don’t necessarily want to see, and it will be in one of the old clubs from my parting days. I am resolved to stay sober though. For this situation, I actually don’t have any inclination to drink. I will be so happy to get home that night knowing I can wake up the next morning fresh and unburdened with the remorse, guilt and hangover of drinking - and you will too after meeting with your old colleagues!
@Sunflower: I’m sorry things are still rough with your husband. I know what it’s like to be working sobriety and have to manage or work around someone jonesing for drinks/drinking. Just try to stay focused on your journey and achievements and let this pass.
Day 27 for me and 27/27 of 90/90 check-ins. I was SO happy to wake up this morning well rested after date night with my husband where we went to a restaurant and a bar afterwards in which I ordered herbal tea! We were home reasonably early and I got up early this morning for my Bikram Yoga. Feeling so fresh and happy that I am on this sober journey. Have a wonderful day, Class!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Hi friends.
JC-NY, that relapse ladder is amazing. That one is definitely getting printed out for many further readings. Like others have said sometimes I seem to go straight from rung 1 to relapse or from the ground to rung five to relapse. It doesn't matter the sequence, as long as we find our way back to the ground, without getting to the top (relapse).
Numblady, so sorry about your father-in-law. I hope you are able to handle all of it. Take those little victories, like dealing with the sick kid, and store that memory, like we store away the "good" memories of drinking. Let these new victories and memories displace those old ones. We would all love it if you stayed longer than 100 days. I stand behind what Dee said. I used to confuse being able to remain abstinent, for periods, with being in control over my drinking. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Sunflower79, I hope your husband can see the benefits of a sober lifestyle. Be that shining example for him. Lead from the front and by your actions. Always know that if you can't get support at home you have an unlimited amount here.
Ubntubnt, that is a tough situation you are going into. I would have a plan, a backup plan, and a backup to the backup. Make sure you have outs. If it gets too hard have a list of excuses to get you out of the room, even if it is just for a few minutes. I would also have a list of excuses as to why you can't drink, such as my doctor said I can't because_______ or until________. If you tell people you can't, not just that you aren't it changes the dynamic.
Everyone else, keep up the great work and have a wonderful weekend.
JC-NY, that relapse ladder is amazing. That one is definitely getting printed out for many further readings. Like others have said sometimes I seem to go straight from rung 1 to relapse or from the ground to rung five to relapse. It doesn't matter the sequence, as long as we find our way back to the ground, without getting to the top (relapse).
Numblady, so sorry about your father-in-law. I hope you are able to handle all of it. Take those little victories, like dealing with the sick kid, and store that memory, like we store away the "good" memories of drinking. Let these new victories and memories displace those old ones. We would all love it if you stayed longer than 100 days. I stand behind what Dee said. I used to confuse being able to remain abstinent, for periods, with being in control over my drinking. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Sunflower79, I hope your husband can see the benefits of a sober lifestyle. Be that shining example for him. Lead from the front and by your actions. Always know that if you can't get support at home you have an unlimited amount here.
Ubntubnt, that is a tough situation you are going into. I would have a plan, a backup plan, and a backup to the backup. Make sure you have outs. If it gets too hard have a list of excuses to get you out of the room, even if it is just for a few minutes. I would also have a list of excuses as to why you can't drink, such as my doctor said I can't because_______ or until________. If you tell people you can't, not just that you aren't it changes the dynamic.
Everyone else, keep up the great work and have a wonderful weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
I here you Sunflower, I had three slices of pizza for lunch and later a bunch of Girl Scout cookies. Definitely hitting the gym in the AM.
Just got back from seeing a fantastic Rolling Stones cover band. My wife complained that I didn’t dry hump her enough (my version of dancing I guess lol) like last time when I was drinking, but we still had a great time. Highlight was B!tch into Miss You into Can’t You Hear Me Knocking, all done with a sax player.
Hope everybody is enjoying another sober weekend!
Just got back from seeing a fantastic Rolling Stones cover band. My wife complained that I didn’t dry hump her enough (my version of dancing I guess lol) like last time when I was drinking, but we still had a great time. Highlight was B!tch into Miss You into Can’t You Hear Me Knocking, all done with a sax player.
Hope everybody is enjoying another sober weekend!
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