Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 4
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 4
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I think war stories are different to sharing experience.
For me war stories are a little prurient, maybe sometimes even a little celebratory in the I drank this much kind of deal.
There was a real shift for me as a newcomer from wanting to know where I fit into other peoples drinking stories to wanting to hear their stories of recovery.
D
For me war stories are a little prurient, maybe sometimes even a little celebratory in the I drank this much kind of deal.
There was a real shift for me as a newcomer from wanting to know where I fit into other peoples drinking stories to wanting to hear their stories of recovery.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 158
I don’t so much see war stories as helpful because honestly I always think everyone else’s are way worse than mine. But what I’m liking here is the opening up about why we drink. It helps point out triggers and things we can address in our future to avoid turning to what once was the thing that comforts. (At least for me). Kind of like therapy would be, I suppose.
Foe example, I don’t feel comfortable in crowds so as of now I have avoided them. I can’t avoid them forever so I’m making a plan on how to cope. I have a welcome breakfast in the morning to go to and their will be 100 or so women there. I’m very anxious about this but it is also very important to me. They will be serving mimosas and I’m sure drinking will be going on. My plan is to find someone who is drinking coffee and sit with them. Also, I am going to leave if I get to the point of feeling I need to drink to be able to participate.
I have been “trying” to quit or cut back on my drinking for 7 years. I feel different this time because I’m actually believing myself when I say, “I don’t drink.”
Foe example, I don’t feel comfortable in crowds so as of now I have avoided them. I can’t avoid them forever so I’m making a plan on how to cope. I have a welcome breakfast in the morning to go to and their will be 100 or so women there. I’m very anxious about this but it is also very important to me. They will be serving mimosas and I’m sure drinking will be going on. My plan is to find someone who is drinking coffee and sit with them. Also, I am going to leave if I get to the point of feeling I need to drink to be able to participate.
I have been “trying” to quit or cut back on my drinking for 7 years. I feel different this time because I’m actually believing myself when I say, “I don’t drink.”
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 192
Dee, Shell- - I see the difference. And I truly believe when the question came up several posts ago about why we drank has been given many honest replies. All therapeutic (?)...and relatable. Myself, the more people answer the question the more I learn.
We're not ALOÑE.
Thanks
We're not ALOÑE.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Good Morning Class,
Checking in for 24/24 of 90/90. I must say the activity on this forum yesterday and last night was so inspiring - I feel a real camaraderie with this group and it is evident that everyone really wants sobriety so much for themselves, but also for the others in this group. If we stick together, I have no doubt we can make it.
@JC-NY: Thanks so much for sharing your plan and examples of the excerpts you have found most helpful. In particular, this one really rang true and resonated with me: Moderation or "sensible drinking" is a huge dead end that invariably leads to failure and relapse. This has been such a pivotal concept in my relapse so many times before, my AV fooling me into entertaining thoughts of a capacity for social drinking - choosing to conveniently ignore the fact that all of those times I drank to excess, some of the worst and most shameful times of my life, did not all begin with a conscious intent to get out of my mind. They started with 'social drinks' and moderate intent, but were driven by the underlying issues which make me an alcoholic. The desperate need to use alcohol as a coping mechanism to escape and deal with my issues by not dealing with them. NO MORE. As you and @ubntubnt have stated, I am surrendering myself to this journey, wholly and completely, for once and for all.
Beforehand I think part of my downfall was that I would focus on the ideal that sobriety was 100% good and better than drinking. and this is of course true for the most part (99.999%) - however, and this may seem controversial, I think the difference with this time, and what will ultimately lead to my long term success, is realising, acknowledging and making peace with the fact that there will be that 0.0001% of the time where you may be 'missing out' or feel like a 'wet blanket' - BUT the trick lies in recognising these feelings, accepting them and reminding yourself in those moments of just how much the benefits outweigh these negligible, infrequent 'negatives'. It feels like a more honest and sustainable truth for me to carry, and I honestly feel this will be the making of long term success for me.
@Milly: So great to hear you're enjoying spinning! I used to go spinning a couple times a week in my last gym and I LOVED it. It's a great pump and good for mind and body to really push yourself and sweat it all out!
@Shell: I hope your breakfast goes well this morning! I think you have a great plan in place, and if you do get unbearably uncomfortable, it is absolutely ok to leave. Putting your sobriety first is key, especially in these early days. I suffer from anxiety in social situations also (no one would think so as with alcohol I am an extrovert and in work I am also incredibly assertive, go figure) one of the main reasons I drink so heavily in social situations is anxiety and low self-esteem, mixed with some other issues. This is one of the areas I probably struggle with most in sobriety, learning to socialise sober when others are drinking - I haven't got the answer yet, but maybe we can help each other out on this one as we go along!
To anyone I haven't mentioned personally, I apologise - I really appreciate ALL of your posts and how open and honest everyone in the Class is.
Have a great day!
Checking in for 24/24 of 90/90. I must say the activity on this forum yesterday and last night was so inspiring - I feel a real camaraderie with this group and it is evident that everyone really wants sobriety so much for themselves, but also for the others in this group. If we stick together, I have no doubt we can make it.
@JC-NY: Thanks so much for sharing your plan and examples of the excerpts you have found most helpful. In particular, this one really rang true and resonated with me: Moderation or "sensible drinking" is a huge dead end that invariably leads to failure and relapse. This has been such a pivotal concept in my relapse so many times before, my AV fooling me into entertaining thoughts of a capacity for social drinking - choosing to conveniently ignore the fact that all of those times I drank to excess, some of the worst and most shameful times of my life, did not all begin with a conscious intent to get out of my mind. They started with 'social drinks' and moderate intent, but were driven by the underlying issues which make me an alcoholic. The desperate need to use alcohol as a coping mechanism to escape and deal with my issues by not dealing with them. NO MORE. As you and @ubntubnt have stated, I am surrendering myself to this journey, wholly and completely, for once and for all.
Beforehand I think part of my downfall was that I would focus on the ideal that sobriety was 100% good and better than drinking. and this is of course true for the most part (99.999%) - however, and this may seem controversial, I think the difference with this time, and what will ultimately lead to my long term success, is realising, acknowledging and making peace with the fact that there will be that 0.0001% of the time where you may be 'missing out' or feel like a 'wet blanket' - BUT the trick lies in recognising these feelings, accepting them and reminding yourself in those moments of just how much the benefits outweigh these negligible, infrequent 'negatives'. It feels like a more honest and sustainable truth for me to carry, and I honestly feel this will be the making of long term success for me.
@Milly: So great to hear you're enjoying spinning! I used to go spinning a couple times a week in my last gym and I LOVED it. It's a great pump and good for mind and body to really push yourself and sweat it all out!
@Shell: I hope your breakfast goes well this morning! I think you have a great plan in place, and if you do get unbearably uncomfortable, it is absolutely ok to leave. Putting your sobriety first is key, especially in these early days. I suffer from anxiety in social situations also (no one would think so as with alcohol I am an extrovert and in work I am also incredibly assertive, go figure) one of the main reasons I drink so heavily in social situations is anxiety and low self-esteem, mixed with some other issues. This is one of the areas I probably struggle with most in sobriety, learning to socialise sober when others are drinking - I haven't got the answer yet, but maybe we can help each other out on this one as we go along!
To anyone I haven't mentioned personally, I apologise - I really appreciate ALL of your posts and how open and honest everyone in the Class is.
Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Welcome defense. Congrats to you ubntubnt and Carpe on 18 days now!! Shell, so glad you stuck it through and Milly thanks for the inspiration to get moving!
To everyone else, good morning. I hope you have an awesome sober day!!!
To everyone else, good morning. I hope you have an awesome sober day!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Good morning everyone 😊
Day 23 here. I got a sponsor yesterday. We are meeting next week to get to know each other better. In the mean time I’m working on step one and really digging into the unmanageability of my drinking. I sometimes struggle with that because I’ve never had any real consequences to my drinking.
Day 23 here. I got a sponsor yesterday. We are meeting next week to get to know each other better. In the mean time I’m working on step one and really digging into the unmanageability of my drinking. I sometimes struggle with that because I’ve never had any real consequences to my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Komplex, I love your positivity and encouragement, it's contagious! Thank you.
shell77, I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm entering the "danger zone" of early recovery, when the novelty of sobriety is starting to wear off and I am taking some things for granted, especially with these headaches I've been having (a drink has sounded like a good idea for the past 2 days, which it most definitely is NOT). I can totally relate with the social anxiety, and I am actually avoiding situations that I'm not entirely comfortable with. Not necessarily because I think I will drink AT the event, but because I will make it through only to unintentionally want to "reward" myself afterwards.
I need to remind myself that nothing is more important than protecting my sobriety, because without it, soon enough I would find myself with nothing (or at the very least, a continued downward spiral that was controlled for many years, until it suddenly wasn't). I need to be vigilant about remembering where one drink will lead me, and it's a sad, desperate, dark place that is a lot worse than the headaches and overall listlessness I'm feeling now.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, everyone! I think this illness, plus the cold, gray, weather, is starting to get to me. I will not drink today, day 51.
shell77, I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm entering the "danger zone" of early recovery, when the novelty of sobriety is starting to wear off and I am taking some things for granted, especially with these headaches I've been having (a drink has sounded like a good idea for the past 2 days, which it most definitely is NOT). I can totally relate with the social anxiety, and I am actually avoiding situations that I'm not entirely comfortable with. Not necessarily because I think I will drink AT the event, but because I will make it through only to unintentionally want to "reward" myself afterwards.
I need to remind myself that nothing is more important than protecting my sobriety, because without it, soon enough I would find myself with nothing (or at the very least, a continued downward spiral that was controlled for many years, until it suddenly wasn't). I need to be vigilant about remembering where one drink will lead me, and it's a sad, desperate, dark place that is a lot worse than the headaches and overall listlessness I'm feeling now.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, everyone! I think this illness, plus the cold, gray, weather, is starting to get to me. I will not drink today, day 51.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Originally Posted by Sunflower79 
Good morning everyone 😊
Day 23 here. I got a sponsor yesterday. We are meeting next week to get to know each other better. In the mean time I’m working on step one and really digging into the unmanageability of my drinking. I sometimes struggle with that because I’ve never had any real consequences to my drinking.
Day 23 here. I got a sponsor yesterday. We are meeting next week to get to know each other better. In the mean time I’m working on step one and really digging into the unmanageability of my drinking. I sometimes struggle with that because I’ve never had any real consequences to my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
NC, the question of positive vs. negative comparisons of drinking vs. sobriety is something I think about a lot. And in all honesty, while the net positives of sobriety are overwhelming, in the very beginning, there is the loss associated with change, there is a shift in the coping mechanisms available to us, and our new strategies may be harder, seem unnatural, take longer. Of course, that doesn't mean that sobriety is not the far better option...it is! But if drinking was only a tiny positive, we would easily get sober and stay that way, not repeatedly insist on testing ourselves with attempts at moderation, etc. I guess over time, we can build up our sober lives to the point that drinking seems unfathomable, as it would dismantle something truly wonderful, and we would have so much to lose. Does that make sense to anyone?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by PalmerSage
Sunflower, that's great that you got a sponsor. I know what you mean about struggling with the lack of "real consequences," if you're thinking about DUIs, serious relationship problems, etc. But all the downsides we've been talking about...sadness, embarrassment, hangovers, etc., are real consequences, and we continue to drink in spite of them (well, at least I did).
I think the novelty of sobriety is waning with me as well which is One of the reasons why I got a sponsor. I need that accountability.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by PalmerSage
I need to remind myself that nothing is more important than protecting my sobriety, because without it, soon enough I would find myself with nothing (or at the very least, a continued downward spiral that was controlled for many years, until it suddenly wasn't). I need to be vigilant about remembering where one drink will lead me, and it's a sad, desperate, dark place that is a lot worse than the headaches and overall listlessness I'm feeling now.
Please stay strong and remember that those cravings and temptations are all just the AV trying to lull you into a false sense of security, to minimise the huge cost of drinking and lead you back down that dark, isolated path into its grip. You are too strong, too smart, too prepared and too supported to allow that to happen! Whenever you feel like this, please post here and we will all rush to your aid with the reminders of how far you've come and why/how you can crush that AV.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Thanks to NewChapter, and everyone. I think we're all trying to learn from our past mistakes. In the past, I probably would have said nothing (or very little) about my struggles with sobriety, while my doubts continued to mount, and then I would just be off to the races again. 
This class is such an amazing support to me, I would be lost without you guys.
As I was driving into work, I thought about my daily routines, and ways that I can "set myself up" for a more positive outlook. Some things, like taking my vitamins and drinking lots of water, have taken strong hold. Other things, like eating healthier and using tools like journaling, are sporadic at best. I also need a better way to manage my household tasks, so my life feels more orderly and I'm not overwhelmed by things like mountains of dishes and laundry. At the office, I am similarly disorganized in terms of my physical space (which is a shame, because my office would be lovely if it wasn't such a mess!) Today, I am focusing on planning and organizing, because I know my sober mindset will be much better as a result.
This class is such an amazing support to me, I would be lost without you guys. As I was driving into work, I thought about my daily routines, and ways that I can "set myself up" for a more positive outlook. Some things, like taking my vitamins and drinking lots of water, have taken strong hold. Other things, like eating healthier and using tools like journaling, are sporadic at best. I also need a better way to manage my household tasks, so my life feels more orderly and I'm not overwhelmed by things like mountains of dishes and laundry. At the office, I am similarly disorganized in terms of my physical space (which is a shame, because my office would be lovely if it wasn't such a mess!) Today, I am focusing on planning and organizing, because I know my sober mindset will be much better as a result.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Originally Posted by Sunflower79
Good morning everyone 😊
Day 23 here. I got a sponsor yesterday. We are meeting next week to get to know each other better. In the mean time I’m working on step one and really digging into the unmanageability of my drinking. I sometimes struggle with that because I’ve never had any real consequences to my drinking.
Day 23 here. I got a sponsor yesterday. We are meeting next week to get to know each other better. In the mean time I’m working on step one and really digging into the unmanageability of my drinking. I sometimes struggle with that because I’ve never had any real consequences to my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
Day 26. Slow and steady.
I have GOT to get out of the house today. I passed on spinning this morning, because I trying not to jump all in and burn out (which is how I normally do things). I'll try to spin on Friday.
But I have GOT to do something different today to stop my usual thinking patterns. I don't want to get into the realm of "white knuckling" my recovery.
Snow and cold have me a bit down also.
Hubby is out of town too. He's at a funeral (and combining it with a work thing, so I didn't go with him). Three weeks = three funerals. That's not helping my mood either.
Ug.
I have GOT to get out of the house today. I passed on spinning this morning, because I trying not to jump all in and burn out (which is how I normally do things). I'll try to spin on Friday.
But I have GOT to do something different today to stop my usual thinking patterns. I don't want to get into the realm of "white knuckling" my recovery.
Snow and cold have me a bit down also.
Hubby is out of town too. He's at a funeral (and combining it with a work thing, so I didn't go with him). Three weeks = three funerals. That's not helping my mood either.
Ug.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
morning everyone,
I am just peeking in on my way to work. My time zone means this forum tends to be quiet when I go to bed and then I get to wake up to all these inspiring and honest messages. It is the most wonderful way to set up the day for not drinking.
re. War stories, when I was on day one I came here ashamed, full of self loathing and sharing what was my big dirty secret. Hearing that others had similar patterns was actually really helpful and encouraged me to feel safer about being open about my drinking. The stories of long term recovery were inspiring, but at that point almost unattainable goals. Talking to people in the front line trenches at that time meant a lot, their stories did not make me feel ‘I’m not that bad, if their situation was more challenging than mine, I felt more like that is where I am headed’.
Now on day 23 I find the ‘why I drank’ helpful in my own reflections about what was at the root of my drinking. I’m still not sure I have delved deeply enough into that subject.
However, now I also find it is the stories of recovery that are my focus and the things this class especially are doing to stay sober amid all manner or daily life events. I am particularly inspired by those who have had a drink and come right back here and share it will us and make a new plan.
The support and lack of judgement here is amazing.
I am just peeking in on my way to work. My time zone means this forum tends to be quiet when I go to bed and then I get to wake up to all these inspiring and honest messages. It is the most wonderful way to set up the day for not drinking.
re. War stories, when I was on day one I came here ashamed, full of self loathing and sharing what was my big dirty secret. Hearing that others had similar patterns was actually really helpful and encouraged me to feel safer about being open about my drinking. The stories of long term recovery were inspiring, but at that point almost unattainable goals. Talking to people in the front line trenches at that time meant a lot, their stories did not make me feel ‘I’m not that bad, if their situation was more challenging than mine, I felt more like that is where I am headed’.
Now on day 23 I find the ‘why I drank’ helpful in my own reflections about what was at the root of my drinking. I’m still not sure I have delved deeply enough into that subject.
However, now I also find it is the stories of recovery that are my focus and the things this class especially are doing to stay sober amid all manner or daily life events. I am particularly inspired by those who have had a drink and come right back here and share it will us and make a new plan.
The support and lack of judgement here is amazing.
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